"He chuckles, instinctively looks to the empty chair opposite.

His expression returns to nothingness.

He stares at the chair for a moment longer. Sits up straight. Lifts his elbows from the table and continues to eat."

This was touching.

Avoid starting each set of action with he. He this. He that. It's killing the script for me.

Here's  the thing. Your inciting incident doesn't begin until pg 4 of a 6 pg script. And that's a problem. Pgs 1-3 are nearly useless because of it.

A new writer I suppose. You have some chops just need more seasoning. This coulda been much better if you cut to the chase and had more of a story.

Writing seems okay for the most part. A little too detailed on some of the farm stuff. Maybe you were trying to show off that you did some research but it got boring quick.

The story itself was simple, not a lot happened but it worked for what it was.

The scene with the demijohn seemed tacked on to fit the one suspense scene parameter.

Definitely one of the more realistic scripts I've read although I'm not sure that's a good thing.

A bit dull but a good fit for the challenge.

This has the trademark feel of a writer whose work I admire a lot. I just feel this particular piece is style over substance. Most of an audience watching this wouldn't have the benefit of reading your script first and know how skillfully you put words together and evoke images and emotions on the page.

Sorry in advance if I'm repeating anything already said:

The fields in the distance are too lush and at odds with drought elsewhere.

Too many instances of the word: breach. It was great the first time with the sun, but the repetition with the thunder takes me out of the read and shows me a writer at work. Okay, it was only twice - seemed more - top n tail.

Hoards v hordes - homophone. Makes me think you might have written another entry as well with the same typo. Coincidence though, I think.

Erect windsock? Have it move with the sudden breeze - the weather is changing, drought is breaking. That'd be more emotive on screen. Perhaps some first penny-size drops of rain too, a strong gust of wind, the rumble of thunder. Show me the anticipation on his face.

He turns to Oscar who seems more agitated by the second - So, show Oscar, turning in circles, or jump to his feet before Adge does.

It's too plodding overall. I got to feeling: yeah, ah, just take a drink, and you don't want that. You want me to be yelling at the screen: put the bottle down!

Btw, a demijohn and all those bottles of cider?
An irrigation pump with water spewing everywhere?
'giddy' dairy cows?

What is this? Drought Lite?

Ever see Croc Dundee? - 'That's not a knife...'

stares down at his hand, now leaking Bleeding, right? Getting a bit pretentious here and there with your word choice. Sometimes just saying what we see without the affectation is better.

Ramp up Adge's inner struggle, panic, battle with himself, so that it's externalised visually.

Everything is just too pretty and self-contained. When I first read this I thought, wow, this is really something - and it is, but the story is too sedate.

You can write, no doubt about it.

I'm looking forward to reading the next draft of this. The unsanitised version with proper blood and dirt and torment, anguish, and panic, and then finally celebration.

Writer,

This was too long--or was it? I found myself drifting away as I read, then being pulled back in. The ending was satisfying. Many different layers here, and I enjoyed that Adge was a recovering alcoholic. It kind of gives this script some depth, and without that, by means of the coin, I think you have a script we've seen before and it's not all too interesting. Very good work!! I liked this one a lot.


Steve

This was pretty bleak on the whole, but well written.

A lot of the farm work scenes were a little dull, but they did at least feel authentic. These could probably be cut down to make it a faster read. Also, the ‘Demijohn’ scene felt a little tacked-on to add in some suspense.

I liked the relationship between the farmer and the dog, and the poignant moment at the breakfast table was nicely written, but overall this was just a little too slow for me.

A solid effort that needs a few more interesting story beats.

Hey there writer

First of all, IMO  the first three pages are extremely well written with great attention to detail.
They show true skill and a keen eye for what you want on the screen.  
I imagine a director/cinemaographer could turn this into a visual masterpiece.

That said, the first three pages are a risky move.  They could either engross you in Adge's world, or bore you to tears.  It depends on the reader.

I myself bought into it.  I agree that there is a lot of detail, but I think it will translate to the screen very well with the help of a good cinematographer.

There's a hint of loss (wife) at the breakfast table and porch which adds depth to Adge's character.

The sobriety coin is another wonderful touch.  

I can imagine Sam Elliot as Adge, sans mustache.

Wonderful writing.  One of my faves.  Good luck.

This is over-written, but the writing is visual and dramatic. The already slow pace is made slower by being so wordy. As for the story, you tried to make this have emotional impact but it doesn't because I don't really care for Adge. He's a struggling farmer and not much else. Even the loss he supposedly feels is only paid lip service to. It isn't interesting watching him go about his hard, miserable day, and it didn't matter to me if he drank or not.

Not bad, it just didn't impact me at all. The no dialogue felt natural here though, you did a great job with that.

Multi-word adjectives need hyphens. ("Run-of-the-mill"; "ever-so-slightly"; etc.)

By page 2, I would have switched from DAWN to DAY.

The spellings suggest you're not a yank.

"cremated toast"? The toast died?

You have some missing commas.

"boot" is the Commonwealth name for a car's trunk.

All this farming jargon is lost on me.

A "steel drum"? Like the musical instrument?

Google says a Demijohn is a vase of some sort. And the "John" part is not capitalized.

I admit I'm starting to skip by page 6.

The story was alright, didn't grab me. It was a fair effort, though, and you clearly have talent. It wasn't the worst script I've read, so that's a plus.