Horrible title. Great script.  

Well written, easy to visualize and a clever choice for the challenge.

I've felt a little harsh disregarding other scripts for taking liberties with the parameters or in some cases, not bothering with them at all. But then I come across one like this where a clear effort has gone into abiding by them and don't feel so bad. Just goes to show you can write a compelling story with the limitations that have been set.

The story worked fine for me as is. I think another failed attempt at breaching the garden could have added to the payoff when he finally gets in, but this would have been difficult to fit into six pages.

There seemed to be a lot of SLUGS used which interrupted the flow of the read a little. Maybe you could get away without using the inserts and just describe what the sun's doing in the action.

Easily a top contender for me. Well done.

What a cute short story. I loved that the lead character had a clear go from the get-go. I love how you put obstacles in his way to create conflict.  The climax of her turning into an angel was nice. But the pace at which the rivalry between them vanished was too fast. Yes, he had to be quick to jump to her rescue, but maybe you could have made him take longer to realize that she needs help.

That was a good attempt. Thanks for participating.

P.S. The excessive use of bold formatting was a bit hard on the eye.

I like "Die, Fluffy Die." I like "Aquapussy." I'm not sure using both titles is a good idea. Is this a Bond spoof?

"FADE IN:" should be formatted as a shot, not a slug.

Some people don't like bold slugs. Others have probably gotten used to them.

Quoted Text INSERT - A CARTOON SUN The SUN

Normally, this is redundant, but since this is a cartoon, I'll let it pass.

I imagine some old Warner Bros. jazz/orchestra playing on the radio.

Some of you guys see this as Pixar, I see it as classic Warner/Looney Tunes/Tom & Jerry/MGM.

For the uninitiated a  rhododendron is a plant. And a chaise lounge is this...

Quoted Text His attention [soon draws] to the

Quoted Text WATERFALL Water gushes over rocks into a deep, man-made pond. Max drools.

Nice match cut.

Normally you would put "dream/fantasy sequence" in parentheses. But it's not a problem here.

Quoted Text Fluffy yawns, lifts her head, scans the yard. (no extra space) Her eyes widen.

This is a pit helmet, by the way.

Quoted Text Cassie's feet dangle from the chaise.  A long SLURP noise. Cassie's hand sets a glass on the lawn.

Is this one or two shots? I'm thinking this is supposed to be a profile.

CONTINUOUS is almost never necessary these days.

"doggie[-]paddles"

Quoted Text Fluffy lands on her feet. (no extra space) Livid. (no extra space) Her eyes bulge.

Don't understand the blank seventh page, but okay.

Th-th-th-th-That's All, Folks!

Pretty cute, classic-Warner/MGM-style cartoon. As for the title, yes, change it. Max vs. Fluffy, or something like that. Your current title makes it sound like a Bond spoof and evokes...



I would love to see more Max & Fluffy adventures. Excellent job.

I do not think the title is great...

What a cute little story I can see animated so visually.

Great building the characters... I was wondering if you could make it a little better if one was totally afraid of the other... or possibly could just elevate their characters a bit ....

Writing was good and easy to read thru out.

Definitely meets the parameters better than most IMO.

Great little job here.

Well, unlike some others I actually like the title.  Cute story too.

I really liked this one pretty much all the way through. Good writing, never had any problem visualizing this.

Great work here. Definitely one of my favorites.

Zack