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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    July 2018 One Week Challenge  ›  Writers' choice and who wrote what - updated!
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Pale Yellow
Posted: August 14th, 2018, 5:03pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats Alex. Great script!
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SteveUK
Posted: August 14th, 2018, 5:04pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats Alex!! And well done to everyone else who finished near the top – there were some really strong entries and some great writing on show.

Weather Worn and MQ-LC4 were my favourites, but I also gave A Beautiful Day, The Cave and We Are All Dust In The End high marks. And I have to say, Stevie's entry was the one that stuck with me for the longest – I was still thinking about it several days after reading it.

Thanks to everyone who read mine and left feedback, both positive and negative. There were many good suggestions that'll definitely help me in the rewrite.
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stevie
Posted: August 14th, 2018, 5:20pm Report to Moderator
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Well done Alex!  I could envisage your script almost as a horror story with the perp at the end being some nutcase in a mask who runs her off the road in flash backs. Good luck if Dena films it!

Thanks to all who read and liked mine. I wasn’t even gonna enter as the hot.cold thing wasn’t doing anything for me. But when I read what Pia wrote early in the thread about the world weather and that farmers in Sweden were killing stock, I was inspired to write about the shocking stuff happening here in Oz with the drought. Lib was awesome too once I told her my planned story as she has seen first hand the effects on her uncle’s farm.
So this script was close up and personal in a roundabout way and I was totally in the zone when I write it. Originally had a happy ending and no one dies but slept in it and went for the grim and bleak as it’s real life and actually going on here.

Apologies to perps who couldn’t finish it; I’ll do my best to improve as a writer before the next challenge  >

Thanks to Don and Pia for a top challenge and it was good to have a few regs back in town and in good form. Hopefully this inspired me to write more regularly but it never happens lol. Too busy working at night and gaming lol



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Dreamscale
Posted: August 14th, 2018, 7:31pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from stevie
Thanks to all who read and liked mine. I wasn’t even gonna enter as the hot.cold thing wasn’t doing anything for me. But when I read what Pia wrote early in the thread about the world weather and that farmers in Sweden were killing stock, I was inspired to write about the shocking stuff happening here in Oz with the drought. Lib was awesome too once I told her my planned story as she has seen first hand the effects on her uncle’s farm.

So this script was close up and personal in a roundabout way and I was totally in the zone when I write it. Originally had a happy ending and no one dies but slept in it and went for the grim and bleak as it’s real life and actually going on here.

Apologies to perps who couldn’t finish it; I’ll do my best to improve as a writer before the next challengel


Stevie, you Aussie ArseHole!!!  Great concept, great setup, KILLER ending, but, yeah...the writing, Mate.  Get off that damn Socrates shit, as it obviously can't even format a Slug properly.

Yours was the best in terms of story, power, feel, and impact, but the writing needs improvement.

As others have stated, your story is still with me, and if anyone had the balls to film somethinhg like this, it would/could win awards, due to the power being portrayed.

Shocked at some of the dumbasses who gave this a bad review, but then again, those same dumbasses are...well...they're dumbasses!  And if they don't know it, they should.

Best effort from you, Mate, and I know we'll see alot more in the future.  Great job!!
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LC
Posted: August 14th, 2018, 8:16pm Report to Moderator
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A note to Claudette (and any other Newb who may have entered this past OWC) -

On behalf of my fellow scribes, the OWC can be a little rough on the uninitiated. The anonymity of the challenge means feedback can often be a little lacking in social graces, from some, anyway....

Do not let the comments deter you from learning more, writing more, and getting involved in this great writing community.

Simply Scripts is the best place to learn about screenwriting, to get feedback on your own work, and give feedback on other's work, and to connect with other writers.

And hopefully, to get your work picked up by filmmakers.
Hope to see you again.


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eldave1
Posted: August 14th, 2018, 9:44pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
A note to Claudette (and any other Newb who may have entered this past OWC) -

On behalf of my fellow scribes, the OWC can be a little rough on the uninitiated. The anonymity of the challenge means feedback can often be a little lacking in social graces, from some, anyway....

Do not let the comments deter you from learning more, writing more, and getting involved in this great writing community.

Simply Scripts is the best place to learn about screenwriting, to get feedback on your own work, and give feedback on other's work, and to connect with other writers.

And hopefully, to get your work picked up by filmmakers.
Hope to see you again.


Well said


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Zack
Posted: August 14th, 2018, 10:09pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
A note to Claudette (and any other Newb who may have entered this past OWC) -

On behalf of my fellow scribes, the OWC can be a little rough on the uninitiated. The anonymity of the challenge means feedback can often be a little lacking in social graces, from some, anyway....

Do not let the comments deter you from learning more, writing more, and getting involved in this great writing community.

Simply Scripts is the best place to learn about screenwriting, to get feedback on your own work, and give feedback on other's work, and to connect with other writers.

And hopefully, to get your work picked up by filmmakers.
Hope to see you again.


Coudn't agree more.

I received some insanely harsh feedback when I first joined way back in 2006. But like the great Baltis once told me, "This isn't a back patting club. You're script sucks goat nuts. Now go rewrite it." Man, I miss that guy.

Zack
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ReneC
Posted: August 14th, 2018, 11:04pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
A note to Claudette (and any other Newb who may have entered this past OWC) -

On behalf of my fellow scribes, the OWC can be a little rough on the uninitiated. The anonymity of the challenge means feedback can often be a little lacking in social graces, from some, anyway....

Do not let the comments deter you from learning more, writing more, and getting involved in this great writing community.

Simply Scripts is the best place to learn about screenwriting, to get feedback on your own work, and give feedback on other's work, and to connect with other writers.

And hopefully, to get your work picked up by filmmakers.
Hope to see you again.


Yes to this, and also, remember that regardless of how the notes are delivered (some are harsher in their delivery than others), they are given in the spirit of trying to help. No one is sabotaging you, no one is trying to mislead you. Every note given is someone genuinely trying to help you make something better.

And what you do with those notes is up to you. Use the ones you think will help your script, reject the ones you don't agree with. If enough people say something is wrong, something is wrong, but it might not necessarily be exactly what they are pointing at. Notes are not the truth, they are the guide to the truth. What that truth is is for you to figure out. It's your story.


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ReneC
Posted: August 14th, 2018, 11:09pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Anon
Unless the next challenge is dialogue only ...


Shut up! Don't give them any ideas!!


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eldave1
Posted: August 15th, 2018, 11:03am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from ReneC


Yes to this, and also, remember that regardless of how the notes are delivered (some are harsher in their delivery than others), they are given in the spirit of trying to help. No one is sabotaging you, no one is trying to mislead you. Every note given is someone genuinely trying to help you make something better.

And what you do with those notes is up to you. Use the ones you think will help your script, reject the ones you don't agree with. If enough people say something is wrong, something is wrong, but it might not necessarily be exactly what they are pointing at. Notes are not the truth, they are the guide to the truth. What that truth is is for you to figure out. It's your story.


So well said.

There were some very harsh notes on my first script here (or anywhere for that matter). My first reaction was - well, I'm done with this site. Calmed down, came back and pulled out the gems of criticism - made changes and became a better writer for it.

I still cringe when I see some of the harsher criticism. Still think you can make the same point without the harshness. HOWEVER - every note and read we get here is a free one. What a deal! I'l take the trade-off every day of the week.

And as you state - not all notes are correct. Stick by your guns - but if you see a pattern of the same critique - you may not be seeing your own work clearly.





My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Kyle
Posted: August 15th, 2018, 3:57pm Report to Moderator
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Well done to everyone who entered and congrats to the writers who came out on top. The Cave, Die, Fluffy, Die, Weather Worn and A Beautiful Day were the standouts for me.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read mine and share their thoughts. A few people seemed to like it which was cool, I knew it wouldn't be for everyone. I hadn't written anything for a few months before this and since the challenge I'm already ten pages in to a new feature so thanks to the wonderful folks who put this on. Really got me back into the swing of things.

On the reviewing side. Sorry if I came across harsh on any of the scripts. I tried to give my honest opinion so avoided reading the other feedback before I posted. There's a strong possibility I missed the point on some or was just plain wrong in what I said. Reading 27 scripts in two sittings isn't ideal but I only had a couple of nights to get the job done. Some of my thoughts may reflect how sleep deprived I was at the time.

I think to a new writer, learning to deal with criticism can be as tricky as the writing itself. But you'll never know if a script works without it. And if it doesn't, try not to get too disparaged and either fix it or move onto something else.

The most important thing is to keep writing. It's the only way you'll improve in the long run.  
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stevie
Posted: August 15th, 2018, 6:34pm Report to Moderator
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Lol I just had a cool idea - belatedly - for this challenge  It’s set in a passenger jet and everything is seen from the POV of a deaf child(non dialogue) Lightning hits the plane (weather impact) and then all sorts of silent chaos goes on. Not sure of an ending but it’s funny how inspiration comes while making toast



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LC
Posted: August 15th, 2018, 6:40pm Report to Moderator
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Stevie, I'm glad you pulled your first idea out of the bag.  
...
Lovely script, Kyle.


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MGray
Posted: August 15th, 2018, 8:48pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Everyone,

Many thanks for your comments in the OWC on "Pergo's Beast." I got the message that the story was a bit cryptic.

I've revised it, just enough, I hope, to make the story arc clearer. I would love to hear from some of you if it now catches your attention a little more. I'm trying to keep it mysterious, but not so much that it's off-putting.

Essentially, I've tried to highlight that Pergo is lonely, she has joined the night-time ritual for whatever reason, and it gets her out with other people, but it's not the cure for loneliness, because it's strictly anonymous. But when the heat becomes unbearable and she takes her costume head off, she breaks the anonymity code and is instantly rejected, but it leads her to connect with another young woman who comes to her rescue, so perhaps Pergo is better off than before. It remains to be seen. But at least she's got a shot at connection now.

The revision is posted under "unproduced" with the others. I would love to hear your thoughts on the revision.

Many thanks in advance!

And I am very happy to answer questions about my feedback on your OWC submissions if any of you have them.

Cheers,
Mitchell
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