Last week, I talked ill of "Day After Tommorrow" saying it was a movie where a lot of shit happens without any real reasons.  "Van Helsing" is another film with the same curse... except this time, it is not a curse, but a blessing.  This is CGI-schlock done right.

Stephen Sommers makes dumb movies.  But that's his style just like Quentin Tarantino makes cool, homage movies and Sam Raimi makes horror/comedy flicks.  Except, with Sommers (unlike Tarantino and Raimi), his movies can either be cool dumb or dumb dumb; the difference, mind you, between "Thumbs Up" and "Thumbs Down" (i.e.: "The Mummy" and "The Mummy Returns" respectively).  Truly, a hit-or-miss guy.

Luckily, "Van Helsing" is a hit (not a bullseye, but a hit nonetheless).  Ultra-cool actor, Huch Jackman, plays notourious monster hunter, Van Helsing.  Essentially born to rid the world of evil, Helsing uses the help of the Vatican and an underground monster-hunting club to fight the good fight abroad.  He does this with the help of too-clever-for-his-own-good sidekick, Carl (Faramir... I mean David Wenham), a weapon-making friar (mind you, not a monk).  

The two are sent on a mission to take down the Grandaddy of all classic monsters, Count Dracula himself (played by another ultra-cool actor, this time Richard Roxburgh).  Upon entering Translyvania, the duo are not only immeadiately attacked by curious villagers, but also three vampire vixens.  A battle ensues, and Van Helsing is introduced to fellow hunter (though, not for the Vatican) Anna Velerious (Kate Beckinsale).  Soon, they are a trio of monster hunters... and alot of crazy shit happens, this time involving not only werewolves, more vampire vixens, and hundreds of flying, Dracula fetuses, but also Frankenstein's monster himself... the, uh, Monster.

This is the first film that I feel I can say this about: it's on crack... alot of crack.  Things blow up (both living and inanimate) and wires are used as swinging devices at least once every ten minutes.  It's as if Sommers just said "That'll look cool" at every turn.  But, there is some heart.  For example, I love Shuler Hensley as Frankenstein's monster.  He really brings the creature to life (not to mention, this is not the monster from the 1930's... this is the one from Shelley's story, meaning smart and articulate, lending a nice, more original touch).

Also, the final battle fucking rules.

Like I said countless times already: this is crazy shit, but nobody's doubting that (including Sommers himself- just listen to the commentary).  Except, there are a plethora of problems.  For one (and, argubly the worst), Beckinsale is a terrible actress, and this film only shows serves to tell us this.  Her accent fades in and out and she's as exciting as paint in a can (at least when it dries, there is some form of action).  Also, at just over two hours, this one really starts to drag at certain points (most notably whenever something is not blowing up).  And, of course, the story is for absolute shit... but, that's the point.

Look at it this way: there's a part were Igor chases Carl across a bridge with a giant, electric prod stick.  Just before the evil henchmen can reach the holyman, the (7-foot-tall, 360-pound) Monster swoops down from a castle tower and kicks the villain off the bridge and into a dark pit where he falls to his doom.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is entertainment.    

Movie: *** out of ****

DVD Extras: ***1/2 out of ****

Not only to we get some nice, orignal making-of's (my favorite being "You Are in the Movie"), we also get two great, entergenic commentaries, one from director Sommers and producer Bob Ducsay and the other from the monsters: Richard Roxburgh (Dracula), Shuler Hensley (Frankenstein's monster), and Will Kemp (the [main] werewolf).  Both are not only informative but also pretty funny, keeping things from being dull.  And, finally, as a bonus if you own an X-Box, you get two levels from the "Van Helsing" videogame (which is less than mediocre, yet still appreciated).

I found myself enjoying this film and agree with you on The Day After Tomorrow, I haven't watched the dvd extras because I've been glued to X Men legends and baseball

I didn't see many extras for Day After Tomorrow but for some reason there's no actor commentaries, sadly they're what usually make dvd's better even if the film is lacking

Another "X-Men Legends" adict, eh?  Finally, somebody got an X-Men console game right.  Wait until you beat it; you get to unlock the classic costumes.

I'm sorry to say that all the actor's commentary in the universe couldn't save making Day After Tomorrow DVD worth stealing much less buying.

I rent this one just to see the pretty pictures on the screen.  In this day and age, this is all I can shoot for.

Yeah some commentaries have the opposite effect and put you to sleep, it's usually when they have serious commentaries by writers and directors that's when it's boring sometimes

I wont be beating X Men anytime soon because it goes back really early today I guess since it's past midnight, I'm burned out of cash until my birthday next wednesday but than me and the X Men will re unite

I played the Van Helsing demo off the dvd and it was pretty good, I basically was forced to play the game because my X Box is my dvd player. But that's a good feature some dvd's give, Hulk, Van Helsing and a few others give you the first level of the game

I liked Van Helsing generally as dumb entertainment, but Frankenstein swinging around on those cables was just terrible.  Overall, the movie was basically entirely forgettable but a good two hours.  It definitely had parts that were too damn cheesy but..ahh well.  

Van Helsing's sidekick was Boromir's brother from Lord of the Rings, goes from hero to goofy sidekick of the hero

At least I think it was him