Hey writer,

I see you suffer from the same disease as me, overwrtitinginthesis. Reign it in, believe me it'll help.

The father/son dynamic was nice, the story went on and on though, and I'm not sure the phobia was there. He basically didn't like guns, then was scared of guns, then shot some old guy in a bush. Didn't really buy it.

Overall, completely over written (I feel your pain), and whilst you've got some writing style, the plot didn't really have to be done over the 11 pages, and could have been significantly taken down in length.

All the best,

Cam