My two cents, and worth every penny:

1.  It’s very unusual on how you have Carrol asking what Evan has forgotten today.  With Alzheimer’s patients, it’s not like there’s a running total of what they remember today versus yesterday and tomorrow. It’s a gradual worsening of the memory but not something you’ll notice changing on a daily basis. Plus I think Carrol would observe this for herself rather than asking a nurse.
2.  I’d rather see you start up in the hospital room or maybe her sitting with Evan in a courtyard, with the exchanges just between her and Evan. Much more powerful than when you get the nurse involved, because she’s figuring everything out on her own, and that where the true torture lies for spouses and families of the person suffering from this disease.
3.  I felt it was a little melodramatic in the way it played out.  Make the pain more internal, more private, but we see it etched on her face. As it plays now it’s more soap opera.
4.  I did like the short number of pages. Writing is pretty decent except for the over-the-top dialogue and reactions. Should dial that back some.

I give it 2.75 pumpkins.

Best of luck,
Gary

Who likes short shorts? I like short shorts!! Seven pages, huzzah!

Hey writer,

So it's a mixed bag this one. I suspect this could be a case of an experienced writer who just ran out of time, as there's quite a few typos and commas which need fixed up. Formatting looked pretty sound to me, so just sort those typos out and you're grand.

The story. It's a nice take on the challenge, IMO, a script without any bloodlust or gruesomeness. I felt the emotions and fear coming off the pages, and with a couple of more runs at this it really could be something special.

All this being said, she doesn't have a phobia, she just wants to be remembered by a loved one.

As a standalone script I think this could really be something. As part of the challenge, I unfortunately don't think it's met the parameters.

Well done on entering and good, if unfortunately off brief, writing.

Cam

I think I would lose the early pages on Carol and the nurse in the hallway and add more background on Carol so that her phobia (fear of being forgotten) is shown more than just in the context of a husband with Alzheimer's.

e.g., she's already written her own obituary - spent way too much on a tribute headstone, incessantly on Facebook posting her status, etc. i.e., establish the fear outside the context of her husband and then when we find out mid point she's visiting a husband who's disease makes him forget her it adds some irony. Otherwise, despite the fact that some of her actions were obviously over the top, they were not to far unexpected - no one wants their mate to forget them.

Nice effort. Kudos for entering.

Brilliant concept. A woman who's afraid of being forgotten having to deal with a husband's illness that makes him forget.

But the script as written is a woman deals with her husband's illness that makes him forget. The fear element isn't present. She seems concerned and frustrated (understandably), but not terrified. I think you need these two things in constant opposition. Her desire to support her husband clashing with her aversion/fear of being forgotten.

So, she's either terrified of being physically in his presence. Or, afraid to ever leave his side for fear that he'll forget something about her.

This does seem like a really hard thing to pull off though. Decent effort for a week. You have a great concept. Keep working at it.

Carroll seemed like a hot mess, but I guess she got the job done. I think this might be the only example of someone's phobia helping them rather than hindering them I've read so far.

It's a decent script, but it seems more like a scene from a longer film than a short film. There's no history of Carroll and Evan for us to really root for her to get him his memory back. It just seems like she's losing her shit while the nurse tries to do her job. Perhaps a couple flashbacks might make us see more of Carroll's phobia and Evan's hopefully kind reactions to her fears.

This could turn into a nice love story with a little bit of finessing. Good job!

I liked the idea you had for the story.
I felt the natural emotions swinging between the characters.
Nevertheless did the story not worked out as I wished it would.
The end was too sudden and the usage of the sentence "Rest in peace" a little too weird.
Maybe the pages where just too short for the idea.
But I liked the track you went up on.
So keep it up!

Good job!