Of course in case of titles, this one belongs to those that might read strange to an independent audience. Then a strange impression is not bad one imo, it raises questions and is remarkable at least.

Logline: "visits her past" what does that mean? Not a precise logline here; it feels this could be much better; don't throw mere mystery in our direction. Clear substance does count much more than most think.

Oh wow, that was a ride. In the middle, I thought, well this is partly very good… but then that third came and ouuulalala… things really got wild there. Super flashback time and a massive chaos plotting attack ;-)

It's not coherent yet but definitely on the right track.

A good entry for sure.

Thanks everyone for the reads, I really do appreciate the input.

I started this the night before entries closed, so I only went through it a couple of times before submitting it - sorry about.

I should have put a super at the start, but couldn't pick an exact timeline - thought I'd come back to it later and didn't.

Damn that dreaded flashback - I haven't written anything for a couple of years at least and for the life of me couldn't remember how to write one and ran out of time to look it up and fix it. Help please??

A few typos - should of known, should have picked up.

The Valium - I thought it was apparent that Phil stole that, but apparently not. And yes - he would have been able to walk around with it in his pocket (at least for a little while) - the nurses in asylum were not quite 'with it' or onto things as much as they should have been.

Nurse Penny - too much story going on in my head to get her story across properly, so I tried to keep that short. I also kept thinking that I had only ten pages - I don't know why, but I kept stressing over it. I could have used the couple of pages to draw her character and everything that happened out more. Plus - a note on the batshit crazy thing - unless you've heard/read the stories on the nurses that used to run theses things - batshit doesn't even cover how crazy and sadistic some of the nurse and even the doctors were.

Glad to hear some of you liked the story, but I seem to have lost my flare for making people care for the characters - I've flipped my talent - now to tie everything together to make things work.

Ah - continued's - again, I haven't used fd in a long time - where do you turn the continued's off??

As for the story - yes, it was meant to be mysterious until the reveal - Ann had come back as a ghost, but didn't realise it. Phil has a phobia of ghosts, but knew he had to face his fear when Ann turned up - he loved/loves her.
Nurse Penny is a crazy bitch who pushed Ann into the incinerator for the mere fact that she thought Ann stole her bracelet and she knew she'd get away with it - because you could in those places years ago. Ann gets her revenge when Phil kills Nurse Penny and Ann steals her away to....well... I'll let readers decide.

Hope that clears up some of the confusion on this.

Again, thanks for the reads.

RJ