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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October 2018 One Week Challenge  ›  Case of the Banzai Banshee - OWC Moderators: Administrator
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  Author    Case of the Banzai Banshee - OWC  (currently 1009 views)
jayrex
Posted: October 24th, 2018, 1:24pm Report to Moderator
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I got the noir feel.  But I feel the script needs some work to tidy up.  A lot of people could be introduced in capitals for example.  Also, you don't need an equals symbol in the slug.

The story itself is okay.  It felt like it went very quickly without no real investigation.  The real mystery was how the daughter randomly appeared from nowhere as if she was peaking through a crack in the door waiting to jump out.

Good job submitting for the OWC.


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Philostrate
Posted: October 24th, 2018, 5:12pm Report to Moderator
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This one didn't work for me but made me laugh a few times.

The noir feel is there, and I liked it, but there's no suspense and the detective doesn't do detecting, things just... happen.

Congrats for completing owc, though. That's an accomplishment in itself.


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