Just wrote this quickly for fun Enjoy.

"My Highschool Crush"

Sadness has no echo,
Beauty has no sound,
Feelings have no substance,
When your Mother is around.

Lust pours into me like jelly,
In my jeans grows a mound,
Fast forward nine months later,
When that little head starts to crown.

We get married real quick,
Food and friends are abound
We do everything for the kid,
Our relationship is soon renowned.

She says she won’t tell your Dad,
So I buy her a massive hound,
She buys me a brand new car,
I don’t tell her I got it from the pound.

I still sometimes play the Wii with you,
Though my new addiction I have found,
Is fulfilling all my fantasies,
Mostly in which I am tightly bound.

Your Mum was really a godsend,
She constantly leaves me confound,
But if we ever do break up,
Your sister is the perfect rebound.

Your meter is off...

In more ways than one!  

AJR

Keep at it Tommy.  This started out excellently but then you kind of lost it and me about halfway through.   You definitely need bit of practice counting syllables.   For example this goes.

6
5
6
7

8
6
7
8

7
7
9
9

And it should look more like

6
5
6
7

6
5
6
7

6
5
6
7

If you can't match the syllables of your original verse then you will need to change the original verse to match the new counts.    And while this shows the syllable line count as the same for each verse - it doesn't have to be exact but for the type of poem you're writing here it should be really close.

Very true AJR, very true.

MC... yeah it is quite messy in that aspect, and I do need to improve. I suppose I'm just too lazy to go over it and fix it all. Or, attempt to. I don't think I have the skills yet to tell the line I want, with the right amount of syllables, anyway.

I am working on it though! I will keep this as an exercise, and report a second draft...

Thanks for pointing that out.

Quoted from mcornetto Keep at it Tommy.  This started out excellently but then you kind of lost it and me about halfway through.   You definitely need bit of practice counting syllables.   For example this goes. 6 5 6 7 8 6 7 8 7 7 9 9 And it should look more like 6 5 6 7 6 5 6 7 6 5 6 7 If you can't match the syllables of your original verse then you will need to change the original verse to match the new counts.    And while this shows the syllable line count as the same for each verse - it doesn't have to be exact but for the type of poem you're writing here it should be really close.

Oh , come on. This is poetry, who count syllables?

By the way the poet was really funny....

Quoted from Dimitris Oh , come on. This is poetry, who count syllables?

As an English Literature student, I feel compelled to slap you for that...

Good work, Tommy! Whatever happened to the 'Poem a Day' thread? I enjoyed that one. And how's your 7WC script going?

Jonny, thanks man.

Poem a day is on hold at the moment... it will be started again in the future though.

40 pages ofr 7WC. I am going to write 10 pages a day from now on... see how I go