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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Romantic Comedy  ›  Winter to Spring
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  Author    Winter to Spring  (currently 1123 views)
Don
Posted: August 30th, 2017, 4:46pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Winter to Spring by Alex Chung - Romantic Comedy - A young writer pursues "the one who got away" from nine years prior. 71 pages

The prequel can be viewed here - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  August 20th, 2018, 12:31pm
back on the market
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Cooper
Posted: September 26th, 2017, 5:36pm Report to Moderator
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I was really enjoying this until the pages went blank. Literally there are several blank pages. Author needs to reload.


Am I on the right track with THIS ? Let me know.
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Don
Posted: September 26th, 2017, 6:35pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Cooper
I was really enjoying this until the pages went blank. Literally there are several blank pages. Author needs to reload.


Cooper,

This has been fixed.  I've been having problems with my FTP server.  There is an unidentified bad batch of scripts that got uploaded.

Trying to find and fix

Don


Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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Cooper
Posted: September 26th, 2017, 10:04pm Report to Moderator
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Cool, is the writer around? Want to make sure before I dig in.


Am I on the right track with THIS ? Let me know.
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AlexC
Posted: December 30th, 2017, 6:19pm Report to Moderator
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Hi, glad you've been enjoying it so far, the problem seems fixed and the whole script appears intact.
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Josh
Posted: January 9th, 2018, 5:17am Report to Moderator
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Wow! I really enjoyed this one. Excellent stuff here. I didn't think I would read through the whole thing, but I was enamored by the story.

A few things:

- I fell in love with the characters, which I think is probably the most important part of a rom-com. Well done!

- The fourth-wall breaking felt a wee bit like an unnecessary flourish. Something that seems more like a stylistic subversion as opposed to a meaningful one. Maybe this would work better if it was more closely tied to Alex's podcast?

- Interesting thematic stuff going on with the names. The Alex/Laura and Mel/George stuff was very cool.

- Funny moments. The ending podcast calls and S.A.A meeting stick out.

- I felt that Joey's scene where she gets upset at the customer felt a little too cruel for me to stay with the character. I understand that she's brash, but the meanness tips over to "too much," in my opinion.

- This read like a breeze, but I couldn't help but think that you could've done more with fleshed out descriptions of both character and setting, to give us a better feel of the world and its situations. It's awesome that this story has an Asian character and overweight character as its leads, but the fact that we don't know any of this until it comes up in dialogue is kind of telling.

- Alex and Mel reading each others' texts to the other was a great scene.

- I felt there were lots of instances where the characters were a bit too honest in their dialogue, to a fault. It seems like people would usually work their way around the conflict in question, as opposed to harshly cutting to the point. It's fine if it's one or two particular characters who do it, but the fact that most everyone approaches conversation this way was a little off-putting.

And that's it! Again, really liked this one, keep it up!


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AlexC
Posted: January 11th, 2018, 5:59pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Josh, thank you for reading the script and for your notes. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

The 4th wall break was carried over from its prequel, but you make a great point especially if I want this to be standalone.

Joey was my favourite character to write, one of the reasons being that she required the least amount of thought dialogue-wise, almost as if she refuses to let me decide for her what to say. But you make another great point in her going too far sometimes.

The descriptions of the characters were any carry-over from the prequel, as both Mel and Alex were already established. But again, I definitely see the benefit of re-establishing them for this to be standalone.

Your comments were very valuable to me as a writer, so thank you again!
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Don
Posted: March 3rd, 2018, 5:54pm Report to Moderator
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Optioned.

- Don


Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: March 3rd, 2018, 6:37pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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pale yellow
Posted: March 3rd, 2018, 7:25pm Report to Moderator
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Super duper congrats writer!


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eldave1
Posted: March 3rd, 2018, 8:31pm Report to Moderator
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Very nice - congrats


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Don
Posted: August 20th, 2018, 12:34pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
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12631
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Back on the market.

It happens.

- Don


Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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