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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Screenwriting Class  ›  Format Q How would you write this? Moderators: George Willson
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  Author    Format Q How would you write this?  (currently 599 views)
Pale Yellow
Posted: November 2nd, 2011, 12:24pm Report to Moderator
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This is the beginning of a rewrite and I"m not sure how to write it...this is what I have. Please let me know if it's wrong, how it should be written.

FADE IN:
SUBTITLE FADES IN: A dark time in Christianity – 1692
The wind HOWLS through the branches of an almost bare tree
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ajr
Posted: November 2nd, 2011, 12:33pm Report to Moderator
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The subtitle you have is really a superimposition of a title - so you would use:

SUPER: A dark time in Christianity - 1692

With spaces between the slug and the action line...


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
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Mr. Blonde
Posted: November 2nd, 2011, 12:37pm Report to Moderator
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What good are choices if they're all bad?

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Anthony's got it right on the nose.


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Pale Yellow
Posted: November 2nd, 2011, 12:37pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks...trying to rewrite my OWC.
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bert
Posted: November 2nd, 2011, 12:37pm Report to Moderator
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Also, unless you plan on having the words over a black screen, you need to revise the order of those lines.

Describe the tree and howling winds BEFORE you insert the super.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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Baltis.
Posted: November 2nd, 2011, 12:48pm Report to Moderator
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Don't use "the"...

"Wind howls through withered branches."

or

"Wind howls through withered tree branches."

or

"Wind howls through branches of a withered tree."

Anything but "THE".  Only use "THE" when you absolutely have to reference an object... I've paid an insane amount of money on two of my scripts these past 6 months and know full well what my problems were as a screenwriter.  I've kept in near constant contact with a consultant and she's helped me shape two of my scripts into, dare I say it --> masterpieces.

Sage advice: "The biggest mistakes I see in your screenwriting are all the small things you allow inside".

Revision History (1 edits)
Baltis.  -  November 2nd, 2011, 11:09pm
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Pale Yellow
Posted: November 2nd, 2011, 1:51pm Report to Moderator
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OH lordy...I'm over 40! I wish I would have read the last 3 posts B4 I submitted my rewrite Oh well. Live and learn. Thanks for all your help.
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