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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Screenwriting Class  ›  Ackerman: subslugline Moderators: George Willson
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  Author    Ackerman: subslugline  (currently 3295 views)
leitskev
Posted: April 26th, 2012, 8:49am Report to Moderator
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I picked up an interesting book at the library: Write Screenplays that Sell, by Hal Ackerman.

Below is his suggestion as to how to write what he calls subsluglines, particularly useful in describing action scenes. Warning: some "rules" people will find this difficult. Take a deep breath, and at least consider it, because it's very effective.

The scene involves an action scene with a couple in a car being chased by bikers.

THE BIKERS
mount up on their HARLEYS and tear ass after them.

JOHN AND LINDY
see them coming. John floors it. They careen out of town. Just ahead of them--

THE DRAWBRIDGE
Begins to open

JOHN AND LINDY
Race past the stop sign.

        LINDY
    John, no!

THE BIKERS
Loom close in their rear-view mirror.

THE BRIDGE
Rises.


This works similar to what many of us use as a mini-slug within one location, usually a building. But note his use here mixes INT and EXT. Even the last Bikers slug is odd, since we are actually in the car looking at the rear view mirror.

"Rules" are violated everywhere!

So is Ackerman a rebel rule breaker? Actually, no. He warns from the outset: don't be a rule breaker. Make sure a screenplay looks like a screenplay. Use format that makes it look like a screenplay.

But to him that means have appropriate page length, spacing, general format. Make it look and smell like screenplay. It does not mean follow some cannon of little rules. No one important cares about that.

So why does the above example work? I think it helps to differentiate between a shooting script and a screenplay. That's something I first learned on this website...thank you! But people tend to not really appreciate that difference. A screenplay is an instrument for telling a story. A shooting script is a blueprint for for the production of a film.

For a shooting script, the above action sample will not work. But for a screenplay, it's very acceptable and effective. It's certainly much easier to read. It saves about 10 lines. And it's perfectly clear.

Someone is going to object: "But where are we when the bridge rises?"

The angle that it is shot from is not up to the screenplay writer! It's up to the production staff, and they will address it in the shooting script.

I know this is radical stuff for some folks. This book was published in 2003! So time for us here in the amateur world to catch up to how the pros have been handling things for at least a decade.

For those of you tempted to think this is just a stylistic trend, I would advise you that people said the same thing about the automobile. That it will never replace the train. This style and variations of it have become the norm and will be the norm for one reason: it's better. Take the above example and convert it to "rules" format, and tell me which looks better? Which reads better? Which is more effective at conveying the pace and feel of the action scene?

Hey, I like trains too, as anyone who has read my scripts will attest. But the automobile is not going away.



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Reef Dreamer
Posted: April 26th, 2012, 1:52pm Report to Moderator
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Interesting.

I've read something like this before but thought it was credited to Goldman - who cares.

For action scenes that seems to work by making the story clear, yet dynamic.

I try not to push the rules much but every now and then i look at a passage and think its technically fine but clunky. To me the writer should help the reader as much as possible seeking the clearest way to explain the story in the style its meant to be - so action would be one way, comedy another.

Still much to learn but these posts help.


My scripts  HERE

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leitskev
Posted: April 26th, 2012, 2:05pm Report to Moderator
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I copied it right from the book, Bill. It's a pain to do that, but I think it helps people. I wish I had seen that a year ago.

I'm sure this is not the only guy teaching this stuff. And this is what scripts are not starting to look like.

When you think about the difference between a screenplay and a shooting script, all of these things about whether a slug is "correct" don't really make sense.

Tell a story, make it look and smell like a screenplay is supposed. That allows for a lot of room. We should use that to do what works most efficiently.
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bert
Posted: April 26th, 2012, 2:15pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from leitskev
And this is what scripts are now starting to look like.


Kev, Goldman has been doing stuff like this since guys like you and I were running around in Aquaman underoos.


Quoted from Reef
I've read something like this before but thought it was credited to Goldman...


Not sure it is "credited" to Goldman, but nice to know someone else reads him.

As you are kind of into the "rule breakers" these days, Kev, I cannot recommend Goldman enough.  The man marches to his very own drum, for sure.

Check out "Princess Bride" -- one of my all-time favorites -- and "The Ghost and the Darkness" is another tight little script of his I really liked.

He does a lot of things we cannot -- but you can still learn alot from "watching" him do those things.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: April 26th, 2012, 2:21pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from leitskev
I copied it right from the book, Bill. It's a pain to do that, but I think it helps people. I wish I had seen that a year ago.

I'm sure this is not the only guy teaching this stuff. And this is what scripts are not starting to look like.



Sorry Kevin, i didnt mean to suggest you were wrong, just i had heard a similar technic accredited to another. It's going to bug me now where i read that


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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leitskev
Posted: April 26th, 2012, 2:32pm Report to Moderator
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Will check out, Bert. Princess Pride seems to be one of those scripts that is often talked about.

True, what famous writers do does not mean everyone can. The example I used is taught by Ackerman in courses. I see variations of that kind of thing in scripts. It seems to me that a)it works, and works better, and b) as long as your script really looks like it's not amateur, those methods should not turn people off. I would think I reader would appreciate the way it's written since it's so much easier to read.

I like rules of thumb, and try to follow them. I am suspicious of absolute rules and though shalls.
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Felipe
Posted: April 26th, 2012, 3:35pm Report to Moderator
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I read Tarantino's Django Unchained and he does that all the time.

What element would you use for the subslug?


'Artist' is not a term you should use to refer to yourself. Let others, and your work, do it for you.
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leitskev
Posted: April 26th, 2012, 5:27pm Report to Moderator
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Tarantino famously gets to do things how he wants. If you follow him, you'll have to include numerous spelling and grammar mistakes.

I'm not sure what you mean by the question. And I myself have not applied this method yet. Not completely, anyway. Recently I wrote a scene where a guy was hiding in the back of a moving pickup truck, while the passengers in the front cranked music. I went back and forth during the scene, as the guy in the back listened to the music being cranked. Was this supposed to be 2 slugs? and EXT and an INT? Probably. But I decided that would make the scene unnecessarily cumbersome. So why write it that way? Because there is some technical requirement? Why would there be. This is not a shooting script.

I think subslug is used here like a minislug. Which saves lines on unnecessary description.

In the example above, JOHN AND LINDY becomes a mini slug which replaces INT. JOHN'S CAR, and some of the descriptive lines which would follow. It's hard to argue that that is not a better way. The question is whether it pisses off a certain level of reader trained to look for something else. I am not qualified to answer that.

This kind of thing works best in your action scenes, so it won't be necessary to fill your script with this "rule breaking". Also consider this: it's not just a matter of saving space, or making it a quicker read. This method allows you to add little details that flesh out your scenes better. If you have to keep writing full slugs, you might be discouraged from adding in things like the closing drawbridge. Perhaps with this method you would be more comfortable using them. I wouldn't use this to add unnecessary detail, but you can liven up your scenes.

Amateur opinion, Cine, just my amateur opinion. Stuff for people to weigh and consider, if they choose, like anything else.
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jwent6688
Posted: April 26th, 2012, 5:36pm Report to Moderator
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This seems like the upside down orphan. Instead of being at the bottom, you purposely smack it at the top of action. I don't get its effect. I won't write like this, but to each their own...

James


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leitskev
Posted: April 26th, 2012, 6:16pm Report to Moderator
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I think you read it too quickly, James. Those are separate locations, so they normally would require full slugs. So unlike an orphan, this saves space.

I'm not saying you or anyone should adopt it, or even to what degree I will. But I think it makes sense to be open to things that are possible improvements. I
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jwent6688
Posted: April 26th, 2012, 6:33pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from leitskev
I think you read it too quickly, James.


I just skimmed it, so you're right. After rereading i see what he's doing. Kind of an intercut between locals.

Wonder if a 90 page script written like this would equivalate  to 90 minutes of film. Whole lotta cheatin' going on here.

James


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kingcooky555
Posted: April 26th, 2012, 6:42pm Report to Moderator
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I've seen this before. In fact, I was reading the "Hurt Locker" from this site and they use this technique as well, where the characters become mini-slugs.

I think this technique is perfectly valid if you have mutiple characters in a crowd. In the "Hurt Locker", the first fifteen pages switch between various characters as they diffuse a bomb.
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Electric Dreamer
Posted: April 26th, 2012, 7:17pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from bert


Kev, Goldman has been doing stuff like this since guys like you and I were running around in Aquaman underoos.

Not sure it is "credited" to Goldman, but nice to know someone else reads him.

As you are kind of into the "rule breakers" these days, Kev, I cannot recommend Goldman enough.  The man marches to his very own drum, for sure.

Check out "Princess Bride" -- one of my all-time favorites -- and "The Ghost and the Darkness" is another tight little script of his I really liked.


I was always a Green Lantern kid myself.
But they gave my mom's work clothes that fresh mint look.

You can seat me firmly in the Goldman Stadium.
The first and most impressionable memoirs and tidbits I've read to date.

Every time I pick up the Butch & Sundance script, I can't stop flipping pages.

Oh, and I think Tarantino wrote all of Djano with the dub step slug thang.

Regards,
E.D.



LATEST NEWS

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is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
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Felipe
Posted: April 27th, 2012, 4:33pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from leitskev
Tarantino famously gets to do things how he wants. If you follow him, you'll have to include numerous spelling and grammar mistakes.

I'm not sure what you mean by the question. And I myself have not applied this method yet. Not completely, anyway. Recently I wrote a scene where a guy was hiding in the back of a moving pickup truck, while the passengers in the front cranked music. I went back and forth during the scene, as the guy in the back listened to the music being cranked. Was this supposed to be 2 slugs? and EXT and an INT? Probably. But I decided that would make the scene unnecessarily cumbersome. So why write it that way? Because there is some technical requirement? Why would there be. This is not a shooting script.

I think subslug is used here like a minislug. Which saves lines on unnecessary description.

In the example above, JOHN AND LINDY becomes a mini slug which replaces INT. JOHN'S CAR, and some of the descriptive lines which would follow. It's hard to argue that that is not a better way. The question is whether it pisses off a certain level of reader trained to look for something else. I am not qualified to answer that.

This kind of thing works best in your action scenes, so it won't be necessary to fill your script with this "rule breaking". Also consider this: it's not just a matter of saving space, or making it a quicker read. This method allows you to add little details that flesh out your scenes better. If you have to keep writing full slugs, you might be discouraged from adding in things like the closing drawbridge. Perhaps with this method you would be more comfortable using them. I wouldn't use this to add unnecessary detail, but you can liven up your scenes.

Amateur opinion, Cine, just my amateur opinion. Stuff for people to weigh and consider, if they choose, like anything else.


Sorry, I should have specified:

In final draft, or whatever software you use, what element would you write the subslug in in order for it to look like that (no space between it and the action below)?

I guess you could do it as an action line in all caps and then hit SHIFT+ENTER to go to the very next line?



'Artist' is not a term you should use to refer to yourself. Let others, and your work, do it for you.
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Ryan1
Posted: April 27th, 2012, 5:28pm Report to Moderator
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In Final Draft you'd use General if you want a single space.
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