Kilmore watches his horse flee from enemy fire.

what about,

Sevil stands in the shallow water, fishing while the rider comes strong from behind.

Quoted from coldbug what about, Sevil stands in the shallow water, fishing while the rider comes strong from behind.

That's actually fine as it is.  However, I would replace stands with wades and it could probably be less clumsy if it were two sentences.  

http://www.screenwritinggoldmine.com/forum/showthread.php?t=5292

It makes sense after reading the above site.

It is inappropriate to write "John runs to the store" if the writer wants the scene in the mid-run.  

The bullet strikes Mary's chest.

EXT: MARKET STREET -DAY

John is running to the store.

ok....here we take a quick cut to the street and catch John in a mid-run.  So, you can't write "John runs to the store"

To show that is is not really true when someone says you shouldn't use "ing", I copied and pasted one of the member's reply from the site.
---------------------------------------------------------


The active simple present tense is often the best choice, but not always. Sometimes it makes absolutely no difference. And sometimes it’s not the best choice.


I) INT.FOOD COURT - DAY

Melinda spots her sister Suzie at a table with the popular clique. Suzie is wearing Melinda’s favourite sweater. Melinda…blah blah blah.

The simple present “Suzie wears Melinda’s favourite sweater” is unidiomatic in this context.

II) INT. MARY’S HOUSE - DAY

Mary enters the house, her arms weighed down by groceries. She pokes her head in the living room. A huge sigh of frustration bellows forth from her lungs. Her son, BOBBY (17) is still playing video games.

MARY
(bellowing – to Bobby)
I told you to wash the dishes 3 hours ago!!!

The simple present “Her son, BOBBY (17) still plays video games” would suggest a different meaning. It would imply that Bobby is too old to play video games, that he should be outgrown them already.


III) EXT.CROWDED ESPLANADE - DAY

Jenny runs along the esplanade. She darts in and out of the crowd: mothers with strollers, roller bladders, cyclists, joggers, and all the others, who are merely meanderers.

She spots Steve. He's leaning on the rail, gazing forlornly at the water. She draws closer…blah blah blah.

“He leans on the rail” would have a different meaning here. It would suggest that Steve was not leaning on the rail the moment that Jenny spotted him, and then he leaned on the rail. It suggests a discrete action that takes place after the spotting, not an act that is in progress. So it makes sense here to use the progressive because the act is in progress.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Coldbug, you're reading WAY TOO MUCH into this and the examples you're giving.

All your examples are fine written in the present tense, even though you think they aren't.

John runs - does not mean that he starts running. It means that he is running.  If you want to show him literally start to run, you'll want to say that, but remember, a spec script cannot and should not try to show and give exact details, only visual ques so your reader can "see' the action and story in their heads.

BTW, most of your examples are overwritten, which is why they tend to get "sticky" with what you're trying to show. Keep it simple, but write visually.  Keep it active as well.

John runs to the store.

is a more active way of saying

John is running to the store.

No matter how you slice it what you see is that "John runs to the store" - even if you catch it mid run.

It's more interesting to the reader if you stay active with your language.  It isn't necessarily incorrect to use "is running" but it makes it a better read if he "runs".  

Good example Stevie

In my rookie from single A ball opinion...everyone is right!

Story is king. Avoid red flagging your script as amateur. Active language generally more visual so is preferred.

I will add one thing, however. Screenwriting rules are there to make better writing. So they are rules of thumb, not hard and fast rules, like grammar. Therefore any time one finds the "rules" causing the writing of a certain phrase to be awkward or less effective...break the Dog D@mn rule! Seriously.

I see people absorb these rules and force them into every situation, and the result damages the readability of the script.

Stevie's gives a perfect example. Many writers will do cartwheels to avoid this passive verb, in this case 'licking', and the result is...bad writing. In my rookie opinion.

Jeff gives a useful way to know when the passive is ok: when it is not the primary.

Also useful is to just realize that if it sounds clumsy or is unclear...or will make the reader stumble in any way...you need to consider breaking the "rule".

Alright, being sent back down to the farm league. I'll be back though! Jeff's getting ready to retire, there will be openings!

Quoted from leitskev Good example Stevie In my rookie from single A ball opinion...everyone is right! Story is king. Avoid red flagging your script as amateur. Active language generally more visual so is preferred. I will add one thing, however. Screenwriting rules are there to make better writing. So they are rules of thumb, not hard and fast rules, like grammar. Therefore any time one finds the "rules" causing the writing of a certain phrase to be awkward or less effective...break the Dog D@mn rule! Seriously. I see people absorb these rules and force them into every situation, and the result damages the readability of the script. Stevie's gives a perfect example. Many writers will do cartwheels to avoid this passive verb, in this case 'licking', and the result is...bad writing. In my rookie opinion. Jeff gives a useful way to know when the passive is ok: when it is not the primary. Also useful is to just realize that if it sounds clumsy or is unclear...or will make the reader stumble in any way...you need to consider breaking the "rule". Alright, being sent back down to the farm league. I'll be back though! Jeff's getting ready to retire, there will be openings!

Right-o!

I think "active" writing is almost always easily feasible, not to mention preferable, and I think writers should always shoot for crisp, flowing writing, which the "ing" rule usually enables. Still, bending over backwards to conform to rules of any kind kinda misses the point and flat out doesn't work out.

Quoted from Dreamscale I've said this many times before and Brett nails it here again.  This is the bottom line, people. You can go on and on about story being King and this and that don't mean shit, but the reality is exactly this.  If you write like an amateur and make amateur mistakes, you're not going to be taken seriously by folks who are serious. Avoid red flags whenever possible.  It's really very simple to do, if you make even the slightest effort. Write in the active voice, not the passive voice.  AS others have said, if you don't understand that, just Google it. You'll find hundreds of sites that will help, but in a nutshell, we're talking about not writing your primary verb in the passive tense.

Thanks for the endorsement, pal!

Funny you should point this out right now...

Just last night I got word back from a feature producer that read Clone Wife.
He liked the script (which is good). But... He really liked my writing more.
So that prodco offered me an open invitation to send him my scripts, ANYTIME!

This is EXACTLY WHY I'm in the "red flag removal" business.

Regards,
E.D.

Verbs that end in -ing are not passive!  They're progressive!

http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/grammar/tenses.html
http://homes.chass.utoronto.ca/~cpercy/courses/6362-lamont.htm

and now a video...




Phil


PS -- don't use progressive verbs.

Like I said ... can of worms.

Verbs that end in 'ing' can make a sentence passive, and that is the concern here.

A passive verb will make a passive sentence. Phil is correct that just ending a verb in 'ing' does not in itself make a sentence passive, but it is often the case.

Jeff referred to the primary verb - and making a sentence active is a case of the relationship that the primary verb has with the main noun (the subject of the sentence).

But irrespective of that - 'ing's simply add to length, and if you want to add in the complication of the often passifying 'is' (is running), to the length of the script:

John runs
by
John is running

You end up with potential passives (soft scripts vs active, interesting ones), + longer scripts  = disinterested readers. Why bother?

Simon, 'ing' only adds three characters if they are used on the secondary verb. You don't have to add 'is' in front of the PROGRESSIVE verb (Thanks Phil) if it's on the secondary verb.

For example...

"Derek sits on the deck, munching an apple."

to say the following just wouldn't make sense or read very well...

"Derek sits on the deck, is munching an apple."

I seriously hope readers don't get ancy over an extra three characters in a script. That's just pathetic  

I once wrote the coolest most badass scene ever!! But I ended up deleting it because I experienced immense anxiety when I tried to write, Pete and Bob sing....

Quoted from danbotha Simon, 'ing' only adds three characters if they are used on the secondary verb. You don't have to add 'is' in front of the PROGRESSIVE verb (Thanks Phil) if it's on the secondary verb. For example... "Derek sits on the deck, munching an apple." to say the following just wouldn't make sense or read very well... "Derek sits on the deck, is munching an apple." I seriously hope readers don't get ancy over an extra three characters in a script. That's just pathetic

It's not the single use, it's the continual use that is the problem, and will unnecesarily add to your script. You have to add to this the option of potentially passifying your sentences too, as well as the association with the past tense - that's not to say it occurs in your example, but will over the 100+ page of a script.

As I said, the concern is when the primary verb passifies (the subject of) the sentence. In your example, you have made an active sentence, whereas:

"Sitting on the deck, Derek is munching an apple."

Is a passive sentence, and therefore requires the 'is' - and even where:

"Sitting on the deck, Derek munches an apple."

... does not require this 'is', the sentence is still passive.