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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Screenwriting Class  ›  Writing Women Moderators: George Willson
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Felipe
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 4:54pm Report to Moderator
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I would rather see "wise beyond her years" in a script that "beautiful beyond her years."

To be honest, it may be unfilmable at first, but it gives us some insight on how to read that character.

Even if it doesn't it doesn't detract from the script. It doesn't bog it down with backstories that we will never see. It's a simple phrase that tells us something that affects the way the character is perceived, and that, despite not being great writing, is totally filmable.


'Artist' is not a term you should use to refer to yourself. Let others, and your work, do it for you.
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Dreamscale
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 4:55pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Heretic
I guess maybe what I'm getting at is that it's not necessarily useful to take an abstract phrase in isolation and say you shouldn't ever use it because it's unfilmable. Abstract phrases might have an appropriately concrete meaning in the context of the whole scene.


True - using "never" and "ever" probably shouldn't be used, but the reality is that you almost have to say these kind of things to smash it into peeps heads not to do certain things, because 99% of the time, it's either incorrect or ineffective.

But Chris, taking your example of Portman's character in The Professional, which, BTW, is one of my all time favorite flicks, doesn't hold any water with me, because as I said a few posts up, we don't need to know this immediately upon her intro - we learn it, as we get to know her.

We find this out through her actions, her interactions, and through her dialogue...which is the way it's supposed to work.

If you're giving a short synopsis of a movie and you need to get info to your readers very quickly, something like that is fine, but IMO, it's far from fine in an actual script.

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Felipe
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 5:00pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale

we don't need to know this immediately upon her intro - we learn it, as we get to know her.

We find this out through her actions, her interactions, and through her dialogue...which is the way it's supposed to work.


I agree that it's not necessary, but I really don't think it kills the script.

Not that I want to get into this argument with you, but FADE IN: at the beginning of a script is not necessary either, but I have no problem with people who use it. It doesn't detract anything other  a few lines from the page.


'Artist' is not a term you should use to refer to yourself. Let others, and your work, do it for you.
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M.Alexander
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 5:04pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
.
I always get a laugh when I hear peeps saying things about "the rules" and how the reality is that there aren't any rules.  Or even more humorous, "just write a great story".

  OK, sure...thanks for that stellar advice.




Quoted from Dreamscale - Fade to White
I'm not a believer in the old 3 Act structure of a script.


Not trying to stir the pot, but for someone who prides themself on being a noncomformist, Jeff, it sure seems like you've got the cart before the horse when it comes to unfilmables, character intro's, and screenwriting in general.  But on the same note, I hear what you're saying.

Again, not trying to start anything.  Just making an observation.



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Dreamscale
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 5:15pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from M.Alexander
Not trying to stir the pot, but for someone who prides themself on being a noncomformist, Jeff, it sure seems like you've got the cart before the horse when it comes to unfilmables, character intro's, and screenwriting in general.  But on the same note, I hear what you're saying.

Again, not trying to start anything.  Just making an observation.


Is this quote from this thread?  Does it have any relevance to this thread?

Using a "standard" and cliched 3 act structure for all your scripts simply shows that you don't know how to write a story that will differ from the masses.

Using unfilmables, poor character intros, and wastes of words shows that you don't know how to effectively write in a visual way

I don't see the connection, personally.
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M.Alexander
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 5:29pm Report to Moderator
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I can see you're not feeling my vibe.   My point is you're being a total stickler on this unflimable thing when you yourself don't adhere to the proposed industry standard format.  So what's the big deal about a few unfilmables in a script?  I see them all the time in pro scripts.  All the time.  So yes, that quote does have relevance. IMO.  Practice what you preach, bro.  


Quoted from Breanne Mattson

The rules of screenwriting could fit on a 3x5 index card. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either full of shit or taking advantage of you. The number of "gatekeepers" who are hung up on that bullshit is very tiny. While writers are busy cutting their work down to a nub for a minority of squeaky wheels, the majority of readers just want to read great writing. They want something that stands out, not something that reads like the thousands of other scripts that bored the shit out of them.


I actually like this advice.

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Dreamscale
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 5:37pm Report to Moderator
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Michael, you're not feeling me either, bro.

The issue here isn't "a few unfilmables".  Peeps continually go overboard with the like.  At times, if you pay close attention, wasted words lead to orphans.  Orphans are wasted lines.  Wasted lines lead to wasted pages.  Wasted pages lead to long, irritating reads.

It's basically 1 of many forms of over writing.  I've seen numerous examples of scripts (be there shorts or features) where the over writing is literally at 100%, meaning, the actual script is 1/2 the length of what's being presented.

I'm a stickler for things that don't make sense....things that are flat out wrong or a complete waste.

The funny (or actually, the sad) thing is that most overwritten scripts, filled with unfilmables and the like, are often the least visual scripts.  Writers spend their space using things that offer nothing, as opposed to writing visually, so your readers can engage and "see" what you're trying to show.
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M.Alexander
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 5:40pm Report to Moderator
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I hear what you're saying, Jeff.   It's a fine line between love and hate.

Btw, I thought of a cool movie poster for Fade to White.   Kinda like a pirate flag with a skull and two snow skis as the crossbones.  Feel free to take that and run with it.
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dogglebe
Posted: March 19th, 2013, 8:53am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
We share another thing in common too, and that is the two writers in one household. Life is never dull, is it?!

Good to meet you officially, Wonka.    


Enough with the introductions.  Why don't you gals go back in the kitchen and make us men some sammiches?


Phil

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wonkavite
Posted: March 19th, 2013, 7:50pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Felipe
Also, I always took beautiful beyond her years to mean that someone is old, but still somehow attractive, but I guess I just read that wrong.


Nope.  You're right on that one.  That's how I read it, too...  

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wonkavite
Posted: March 19th, 2013, 7:55pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from dogglebe


Enough with the introductions.  Why don't you gals go back in the kitchen and make us men some sammiches?


Phil



That's it!  I'm deleting your copy of Final Draft!  PPP  Okay, never mind that.  But just for that comment, I'm switching out your mild for Budweiser when you aren't looking...  
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LC
Posted: March 20th, 2013, 9:27am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from dogglebe
Enough with the introductions.  Why don't you gals go back in the kitchen and make us men some sammiches?

Just noticed this. Very funny. This line is all too familiar! If you'd tacked on: 'and, get us a beer while you're up darlin', it would have been perfect. Sounds like Janet might agree.

Ok, back to the main thread.





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coldbug
Posted: March 22nd, 2013, 3:47pm Report to Moderator
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A figure emerges out of the shadow.  It's Special Agent  TANYA KNIGHTBLADE in her tight black leather outfit.  28, sexy atheletic body, dark long flowing hair, brainy with know it all intelligence, luscious rosy lips that all men would want to kiss.



A lie has traveled around the world while the truth is putting the shoes on.
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dogglebe
Posted: March 22nd, 2013, 5:46pm Report to Moderator
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You had me until you said 'brainy' coldbug.


Phil
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coldbug
Posted: March 25th, 2013, 11:34am Report to Moderator
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i think i know what you were going to say Phil.  I can't write what audience won't see on the screen.  "Brainy"..how can you tell she is smart.
Is it what you mean?


A lie has traveled around the world while the truth is putting the shoes on.
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