Quoted from bert If you read what you have written, then wonder, "Will a reader like this?"

I wonder this after every word I write    (I thought this was the emoticon for sweating)

Quoted from M.Alexander Or... EXT.  CLOUDY SKY - NIGHT A snowflake falls and lands atop of a stone tower.

Lacks poetry.

I think Coldbug wants to show the feather's journey.

The following is the opening sequence from Forrest Gump:

Quoted Text EXT. A SAVANNAH STREET - DAY (1981)                A feather floats through the air. The falling feather.                A city, Savannah, is revealed in the background. The feather                floats down toward the city below. The feather drops down                toward the street below, as people walk past and cars drive                by, and nearly lands on a man's shoulder.                He walks across the street, causing the feather to be whisked                back on its journey. The feather floats above a stopped car.                The car drives off right as the feather floats down toward                the street.                The feather floats under a passing car, then is sent flying                back up in the air. A MAN sits on a bus bench. The feather                floats above the ground and finally lands on the man's                mudsoaked shoe.                The man reached down and picks up the feather. His name is                FORREST GUMP. He looks at the feather oddly, moves aside a                box of chocolates from an old suitcase, then opens the case.

Sounds a lot better than:

Quoted Text EXT. A SAVANNAH STREET - DAY (1981) A feather falls on FORREST GUMP's shoe.

Phil

Absolutely.  

But you gotta take into consideration that coldbug is still struggling with English.   Keeping it simple makes less room for error.  

Reading his posts in this thread, I don't think he's struggling too much.


Phil

Quoted from coldbug FADE IN: A single snow flake falls in the sky and we follow as it heads toward the ceiling of a strong fortified structure. Can I write like that?  I only want to do it at the opening and won't do it alot.  Would it bother the readers?

People here have chimed in with good suggestions, but the problem is that they are offering suggestions for you to change it to how THEY would write it.  

This is all well and good, but it's probably harder to steer yourself into a different style altogether instead of policing your own writing.  At least right off the bat.

A single snow flake falls toward the ceiling of a strong fortified structure.

Those are your words, just condensed.  In my opinion, it goes without saying that a falling snowflake is going to be in the sky, especially if it's headed toward the roof of a building.  I say roof because that probably fits better in an exterior location.  

By writing "a single snowflake", you've placed emphasis on this one small thing so that the reader can envision it without getting into the "we aspect" and specifically calling out that we're supposed to follow it.

Same effect, less words, more white on the page.

Quoted from dogglebe Reading his posts in this thread, I don't think he's struggling too much. Phil

Maybe so.  But it's still gotta be frustrating.

Quoted from coldbug I am from Burma and came to USA at age 18.  English is my SL and here I am chosing to write screenplays as a hobby.  Very challenging it had been with grammar.  I have an A.A in Liberal Arts and one day will finish the bachelor.   I am a guy who went to Wal Mart and asked where I could find a hooker.  I meant the coat hanger because that's what the translation into English in my head at that moment.  So, screenwriting is something I should not have chosen to dream of.

There's your script idea right there, coldbug.    Write what you know.

Title:  "Burma Boy".

Genre:  Comedy.

Logline:  After his parents are killed in a tsunami, a teenage Burmese boy moves to L.A. in search of the American dream.   What he discovers is a living nightmare.

INT. WALMART - DAY

HUNG, approaches a  female SALES CLERK.

                         CLERK
                Can I help you?

                         HUNG
                Yes, I would like to buy a hooker.

EXT.  WALMART - DAY

A COP leads out the doorin handcuffs.

                          HUNG
                  What do I do wrong, Mr. Constable!?

                           COP  
                  You're under arrest for solicitation.  

                           HUNG
                  I did not touch private parts!  
                           (smiles)
                  By the way, I'm Hung!

                            COP
                  Shut up, pervert.  

Cop opens the door of a police a car and slams Hung's head on the door jam
before he shoves him inside.

                            HUNG
                  Ow!

                            COP
                  Oops.  Watch your head.


(Here's the big twist at the end: Turns out Hung's parents weren't killed in the tsunami.  They just pretended to be dead to get rid of him)

Ha...ha.      

Quoted from M.Alexander Maybe so.  But it's still gotta be frustrating. There's your script idea right there, coldbug.    Write what you know. Title:  "Burma Boy". Genre:  Comedy. Logline:  After his parents are killed in a tsunami, a teenage Burmese boy moves to L.A. in search of the American dream.   What he discovers is a living nightmare. INT. WALMART - DAY HUNG, approaches a  female SALES CLERK.                          CLERK                 Can I help you?                          HUNG                 Yes, I would like to buy a hooker. EXT.  WALMART - DAY A COP leads Hung the door in handcuffs.                           HUNG                   What do I do wrong, Mr. Constable!?                            COP                     You're under arrest for solicitation.                              HUNG                   I did not touch private parts!     (Here's the big twist at the end: Turns out Mamar's parents weren't killed in the tsunami.  They just pretended to be dead to get rid of him) Ha...ha.

I actually like it.  That "hooker' thing is pure gold

Quoted from bjamin I actually like it.  That "hooker' thing is pure gold

Serious gold.

"Burma Boy" could be a cross between the two movies Joe Dirt and Bubble Boy.

Heck, if coldbug doesn't write it, I will.   It's a no-brainer.

Quoted from M.Alexander Maybe so.  But it's still gotta be frustrating. There's your script idea right there, coldbug.    Write what you know. Title:  "Burma Boy". Genre:  Comedy. Logline:  After his parents are killed in a tsunami, a teenage Burmese boy moves to L.A. in search of the American dream.   What he discovers is a living nightmare. INT. WALMART - DAY HUNG, approaches a  female SALES CLERK.                          CLERK                 Can I help you?                          HUNG                 Yes, I would like to buy a hooker. EXT.  WALMART - DAY A COP leads Hung the door in handcuffs.                           HUNG                   What do I do wrong, Mr. Constable!?                            COP                     You're under arrest for solicitation.                              HUNG                   I did not touch private parts!     (Here's the big twist at the end: Turns out Mamar's parents weren't killed in the tsunami.  They just pretended to be dead to get rid of him) Ha...ha.

Haha, I have to say that I dig that idea! Funny kick in the teeth, too!

my only apprehension would be that it might tread along the lines of a Sacha Baron Cohen film. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.



@cold  -- I agree with Shelton as far as your description is concerned.   What you have written isn't bad, but you might be able to tone it down a little and still leave the necessary image imprinted in the reader's mind.  If you are truly new to screenwriting than the most important thing at this point should be just finishing the script (JMHO.)

Quoted from Andrew Haha, I have to say that I dig that idea! Funny kick in the teeth, too!

Exactly.

Quoted from bjamin my only apprehension would be that it might tread along the lines of a Sacha Baron Cohen film. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Heck with apprehension.   "Burma Boy's got "commercial appeal" written all over it.   I'm gonna take this puppy and run with it.   if anyone's possibly interested in a collab, PM me.

haha...you go Alexander.  Can't wait to see Burma Boy!
You can pm me for more funny stuffs I went through..like this one.
Almost got punched by a dude in the bar once because I asked him if he likes "peanuts" but guess what I pronounced it way off.  lol