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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Screenwriting Class  ›  Six Degrees of Better Dialogue. Moderators: George Willson
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Mr. Blonde
Posted: June 26th, 2014, 9:22pm Report to Moderator
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What good are choices if they're all bad?

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Okay, I'm the last person to be talking to you about improving your dialogue, but this is a fun game I developed a few years ago while playing Mass Effect. It's something you can practice by yourself, but you're more likely to learn more in a public forum like this.

Anyway, the idea is simple. One person writes an on-the-nose expression that uses no slang terms or anything like that. Then, the next person to respond has to write what the person before them said in six different ways. For example:

I say, "Would you like to come to my house?"

Then, some of the responses could be:

"You wanna check out my place?"
"Gonna hang at my crib?"
"Interested in seeing my humble abode?"
"Mi casa awaits. You coming?"

The point is to try and think of different ways to spin simple, boring sentences. Of course, this helps if you can develop good characters and can pick dialogue that fits your character. However, if you can't, sometimes your dialogue can help you figure out your characters better.

Anyway, the game is designed to help your brain try to recall all the slang terms, expressions, whatever, that you've heard in your life that can help your characters sound more real.

So, the first one I'm putting out is, "Hello, how are you?".


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SAC
Posted: June 26th, 2014, 9:38pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

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"Sup?
"How goes it?"
"What's shakin baby?
"How ya doin?"
"What's good?"

Something like that?


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Dreamscale
Posted: June 26th, 2014, 9:39pm Report to Moderator
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What's up, Bitch?
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Mr. Blonde
Posted: June 26th, 2014, 9:40pm Report to Moderator
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What good are choices if they're all bad?

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Yep. Just like that. Now, you should post an expression of your own for the next person to come up with six.


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mmmarnie
Posted: June 26th, 2014, 9:41pm Report to Moderator
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I'm from Jersey so ... "Hey...How you doin'?"




boop
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SAC
Posted: June 26th, 2014, 9:42pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

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Okay...

"You feeling okay?"


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Grandma Bear
Posted: June 26th, 2014, 9:53pm Report to Moderator
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Great thread, Sean!  


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Mr. Blonde
Posted: June 26th, 2014, 10:00pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from SAC
Okay...

"You feeling okay?"


"You doing all right?"
"You're not looking so hot."
"Things all good at home?"
"Got a bug?"

Off-hand, I've only got those four.

"Car".


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Reel-truth
Posted: June 26th, 2014, 10:08pm Report to Moderator
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You good?
You alright?
(or a combination) You don’t look so good. You alright?
Fuck happened? You look like shit



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Reel-truth
Posted: June 26th, 2014, 10:30pm Report to Moderator
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Oh I didn't even see you  added “Car”

Wip
Hooptie
Pussy wagon
Wheels
Ride
Lemon

I’ll keep it going…uh…” It was nice to meet you” (formal)



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Nomad
Posted: June 27th, 2014, 9:13am Report to Moderator
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"It was nice to meet you"

  • This encounter didn't totally suck.
  • Running into you was the best thing that ever happened to me.
  • Some days I feel like the world is full of morons, but not today.
  • Quite pleasurable was this impromptu rendezvous.
  • I wouldn't kick you out of bed for eating crackers.
  • Boy, yer nicer than kitten kisses on a sleepy Sunday mornin' after winnin' blue ribbon on ma hog, Charlotte, down at the County Fair.
  • I can't understand why your mom would call you a douche bag.


"I'm very upset and want you to leave before I do something I regret."


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED

Revision History (1 edits)
Nomad  -  June 27th, 2014, 10:19am
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Gary in Houston
Posted: June 27th, 2014, 2:34pm Report to Moderator
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"I'm very upset and want you to leave before I do something I regret."

--Get the fuck out before I beat the ever-lovin' shit out of ya!
--You don't hear too well do you? Leave before I gouge your eyes out and skull fuck you!
--I suggest you hit the road unless you want me to stick this shotgun up your ass and blow away your intestines.
--Beat it, you four eyed fuck, or I'll will reign holy shit down upon that catastrophe that you call a face!
--You wanna get the hell outta here, or do you need me to personally show you how to fall down 8 flights of stairs?

I couldn't think of a sixth one.

Here's one I hear all the time:  "Can I ask you a question?"


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

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LC
Posted: June 27th, 2014, 7:18pm Report to Moderator
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Good job with those last two, guys. Very entertaining and inventive.

"Can I ask you a question?"

- I'd love to know what goes on in that head of yours.
- Mind if I pick your brain?
- You look like a guy with all the answers?
- A little birdy told me you're in the loop, so spill.
- Whassup, then?
- What do I need to know, right now?

Okay, so next one is:

'How'd you like to go on a date, with me?' - should be easy.


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khamanna
Posted: June 28th, 2014, 1:45am Report to Moderator
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How'd you like to go on a date with me

How about running into each other tomorrow night for a cup of coffee after a movie and hearty dinner at Pauls?
Would you like to go out for a stroll and coffee? You can tell your friends it's a date - I wouldn't mind.
I never dated anyone simply because whenever I ask a girl for a date the answer is no.
I would like you to take me out.

Only four and writing frommy phone - I think this deserves more examples, please add on.
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Christianne
Posted: June 28th, 2014, 11:35am Report to Moderator
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"How'd you like to go on a date with me?"

•You down for dinner Friday night?
•So they have this free dinner special thing going on at the Outback right now.. I know, crazy right? We should check it out sometime.
•Do you eat?
•I'll be at Cafe Monet grabbing coffee around 8PM if you're bored tonight.
•I reckon a lass like you ain't too fond of bein' by yerself all the time. Maybe ya'd like ta join me fer some fixin's tonight?
•Have you ever experienced Denny's guilt food at two in the morning after a drink?

New one: Haven't I seen you around before?


"The unexamined life is not worth living." --Socrates

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