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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Screenwriting Class  ›  A new trend? Moderators: George Willson
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  Author    A new trend?  (currently 4327 views)
Grandma Bear
Posted: November 7th, 2014, 2:20pm Report to Moderator
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I started reading Bird Box today from the Bloodlist and noticed this writer's style of writing.

I know "the rules" have loosened up some in the last few years, but really? Does this look right to you? It doesn't make it any easier on the eyes, IMHO. It also seems to me a 90 page script would be quite short if written "correctly". Thoughts?

She reaches the back door.
Boards cover the door’s glass inset.

Boy and Girl hold hands.
Girl’s knuckles go white.
Boy squeezes back.

On the floor by the door: A bird cage.
Inside: A little, fat budgie.

Malorie bends down, cups her hands...
And transfers the bird to a shoebox.

It coos at her as she covers the box and hefts it.

Malorie then picks up her blindfold.
Before donning it, she looks around.

Inside, all is quiet and still.
A land-line phone sits on the coffee table.
Nothing else around it. As if it were a holy relic.

Malorie secures her blindfold.
Reaches out and grips the door handle.
Takes a breath.


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DS
Posted: November 7th, 2014, 2:37pm Report to Moderator
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Looks like someone decided it'd be fun to write their poems in Courier.

Hell, some of these sentences even sound like something out of a poem - especially in the sentence structure.

If this is a trend, it better be a passing one. And pronto.
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Pale Yellow
Posted: November 7th, 2014, 2:48pm Report to Moderator
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I read this one too and found it almost annoying. I like stylish things that stand out ...but imo this one is overdone and it got just annoying. I do like to see a confident writer though. Of course I'm one of those naive people that still believe writing is an art. I do not believe it should be forced into any model or rigid formula. I do respect the rules though...just choose to color out of the lines sometimes.
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B.C.
Posted: November 7th, 2014, 2:50pm Report to Moderator
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I'm actually just finishing a feature that I've done in a similar style (mines actually even less wordy than this, sometime just one word on an action line). It just felt appropriate for what I was doing.

I am looking forward to going back to writing 'normally', however (whatever that is).

In general terms, I don't think it's anything new. I think it's known in some circles as 'Walter Hill' style? I remember reading on article about it years ago.

If you've read Hill's (shooting?) draft of Alien it's incredibly sparse (word count wise).

I remember Kathryn Bigelow's and Eric Red's script for 'Near Dark' reading 'poem' like as well.  

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Gum
Posted: November 7th, 2014, 2:53pm Report to Moderator
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It is (strangely poetic). It gives a clear cut visual of events transpiring, but wouldn’t really leave much for director regarding their own vision IMO… is this a seasoned writer throwing this out there?...  just curious.
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Grandma Bear
Posted: November 7th, 2014, 3:05pm Report to Moderator
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It's not just the sparse writing. I write pretty sparse too. It's writing one sentence and then putting the next sentence on a new line. It makes it look very left aligned too.

I found it annoying to read too, Dena. To the point, I might not even finish the script.

I hope this doesn't catch on.  


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B.C.
Posted: November 7th, 2014, 3:07pm Report to Moderator
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Here's the links to the Walter Hill stuff:

http://gointothestory.blcklst.com/2008/06/connection-between-wall-e-and-alien.html

http://gointothestory.blcklst.com/2010/06/how-they-write-script-walter-hill.html

Example from Alien:

FADE IN

        SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE:

        INT. ENGINE ROOM

        Empty, cavernous.

        INT. ENGINE CUBICLE

        Circular, jammed with instruments.
        All of them idle.
        Console chairs for two.
        Empty.

        INT. OILY CORRIDOR - "C" LEVEL

        Long, dark.
        Empty.
        Turbos throbbing.
        No other movement.

        INT. CORRIDOR - "A" LEVEL

        Long, empty.
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Grandma Bear
Posted: November 7th, 2014, 6:26pm Report to Moderator
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Wether it's been done on the past or not. I hope it doesn't catch on. I found it annoying to read. Gave me a headache almost.  

Waste of space too, so no wonder the Alien script was, what? 160 pages?


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LC
Posted: November 7th, 2014, 7:04pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Grandma Bear
I started reading Bird Box today from the Bloodlist and noticed this writer's style of writing.


Bloodlist is what caught my eye. I've been trying to find the scripts - not just the list which the site has. Pia, are you able to point me in their direction? Link or PM?

On topic - there are all kinds of fashions popping up with scriptwriting - case in point Nightcrawler - not sure if I like it - but it's different, that's for sure. Dan Gilroy may or may not have been influenced by his father, Pulitzer Prize winning playwright & screenwriter Frank D. Gilroy.

That last example - yes, I recognized from Alien. So that style's been around for quite a while. Ultimately, if the story is riveting enough I reckon you can get away with a lot of style choices.


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dead by dawn
Posted: November 7th, 2014, 7:11pm Report to Moderator
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I doubt it'll become a new trend.  However, would I have a problem reading that format?  Probably not.

Would I have a problem writing my script according to that format?  Probably yes.  I think it would get annoying.

But like LC said, I'd also have to reckon that if the story is riveting enough, you could get away with some stylistic choices.  
You just have to make sure you have the tools for such a task...
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Dreamscale
Posted: November 7th, 2014, 7:33pm Report to Moderator
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I'm out on page 1.  Subjects omitted. Incomplete sentences.  Irritating structure.  back to the drawing board.

Oh wait...what?  You're a Pro writer?  You're making mid 6 figures?  Huh?  You're boning how many 20 year old strippers at a time?

OK, hold the phone please.  No, just a minute.  Fuck, my damn computer!  That was some amature script on SS I was reviewing.  No, really.  Hold on...just a minute.

OK, found it.  This is what I wrote about your script...

Amazing format and writing...so crisp and to the point, almost poetic.  I fucking love it and will try to emulate it from here on out.

I love you and your writing. You're the best.  PLease invite me to the next orgy.
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Ledbetter
Posted: November 7th, 2014, 7:50pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Grandma Bear
It's not just the sparse writing. I write pretty sparse too. It's writing one sentence and then putting the next sentence on a new line. It makes it look very left aligned too.

I found it annoying to read too, Dena. To the point, I might not even finish the script.

I hope this doesn't catch on.  


Yeah, I agree. It's padding the pages big time--

Take this-

She reaches the back door.
Boards cover the door’s glass inset.

Boy and Girl hold hands.
Girl’s knuckles go white.
Boy squeezes back.

On the floor by the door: A bird cage.
Inside: A little, fat budgie.

Malorie bends down, cups her hands...
And transfers the bird to a shoebox.

It coos at her as she covers the box and hefts it.

Malorie then picks up her blindfold.
Before donning it, she looks around.

Inside, all is quiet and still.
A land-line phone sits on the coffee table.
Nothing else around it. As if it were a holy relic.

Malorie secures her blindfold.
Reaches out and grips the door handle.
Takes a breath.


And lay it out right and you get this.



She reaches the back door. Boards cover the door’s glass inset. Boy and Girl hold hands. Girl’s knuckles go white. Boy squeezes back.

On the floor by the door: A bird cage. Inside: A little, fat budgie. Malorie bends down, cups her hands, And transfers the bird to a shoebox.

It coos at her as she covers the box and hefts it. Malorie then picks up her blindfold.
Before donning it, she looks around.

Inside, all is quiet and still.  A land-line phone sits on the coffee table.
Nothing else around it. As if it were a holy relic. Malorie secures her blindfold.

Reaches out and grips the door handle. Takes a breath.


26-ish lines dialed down to 12

The script would be cut in half...

Shawn.....><

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Leegion
Posted: November 7th, 2014, 8:18pm Report to Moderator
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It'd probably be less than 40 pages if all the descriptions are like that.

It'd be
like me
hitting
enter
every time I
wanted to
continue
what
I
was
saying.
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RayW
Posted: November 7th, 2014, 9:49pm Report to Moderator
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stevie
Posted: November 7th, 2014, 10:48pm Report to Moderator
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agree

rubb
ish




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