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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Screenwriting Class  ›  Gestures and intercuts Moderators: George Willson
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Eliza
Posted: March 14th, 2015, 5:44am Report to Moderator
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Hi,

Please forgive all the grammatical mistakes you might find in my writing; I come from Europe, so…

Is it okay to put signs and gestures, as if someone nods “no,” “yes,” “you nuts…” in quotation marks in the action lines? I prefer to avoid wrylies in dialogue.

Is it allowed to write action lines in an intercut? For instance, in a phone conversation if something important for the story happens as the conversation proceeds. Can a phone (or other kind of the intercut) be also used if three or more people communicate?

How about if two people in different locations do not talk to each other, however, explain something to someone, which, when joined would make a whole story, as if those two characters would complete the holes in their own stories. What would be the best approach for such a scene, a montage, intercut…?

Thank you in advance for all your help and advices.
Zi

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Jeremiah Johnson
Posted: March 14th, 2015, 3:59pm Report to Moderator
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First of all, Welcome!

I'm not the expert here but can answer some of your questions.

A nod usually means Yes and shaking the head means No - no quotes needed.  Agree with wrylies.

I'm definitely not the expert on format.  I refer to Dave Trottier or Dreamscale here on SimplyScripts.  Here is a link to Dave's responses to questions about intercuts.
Here:
http://www.screenplay.com/t-Dr_Format-Tip-See-The-Light.aspx
And here:
http://www.scriptmag.com/features/ask-script-qa/ask-the-expert-intercut-conversations-and-actions

Look at the bottom of the page I linked above.  It sort of answers this question as well.  The main thing is to make sure the reader doesn't get lost.  You see it in your head, but we can't.  It's hard to put something like that on the page where anyone reading understands it, but that's what's required!

Hope this helps some, and others chime in.  Again, not the expert on here but some good people on this site can really help your writing.

Good luck, keep writing!


My Scripts:
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LC
Posted: March 14th, 2015, 7:24pm Report to Moderator
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Zi, the links Jeremiah posted are very helpful but if you're still a little lost post an example of a few lines of your script. This way you'll be sure to get some specific advice.

Welcome too, btw.


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Eliza
Posted: March 15th, 2015, 4:51am Report to Moderator
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Hi,
First, thank you for your time and advices. I did not mention it, that I have been searching for these answers on many internet links (including Dave’s Screenwriters bible).

Here an example of different gestures/nods in action lines:

Mike slingshots Snake a forget it glance, and at the same time behind his back gives a thumb up to Bill, who only nods, he’s done to Steve.

Or with quotation marks:

Mike slingshots Snake a “forget it” glance, and at the same time behind his back gives a “thumb up” to Bill, who only nods, “he is done” to Steve.

About the intercut with people not speaking to each other, however, about the same thing:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
INT. SAM’S BAR – DAY

Steve sits opposite Jane, who nervously tiptoes with her fingers on the papers in front of her.

EXT. PARK – DAY

Boris feeds the pigeons while Green paces next to him… scrutinizes him.

INTERCUT – STEVE’S AND BORIS’ STORY

STEVE
Our target arrived in his truck…

BORIS
We were set up on east side… covered the whole street…

STEVE
Suddenly, that bus with children popped up --

BORIS            
Out of nowhere -- All we could -- Jake and Sam run out, but --

STEVE
Then those guys popped up -- But they seemed to be even more surprised than us.

BORIS
And without a warning, our target crashed his truck straight into --

STEVE
The bus driver had no chance… An eighteen-wheeler… straight into his cabin...

Green regards the photos in his hands… Corpses of children on the ground… The bus crashed into an obscure statue of steel and glass…
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay, I know it is not perfect as far the dialogue goes, but just as an example. And how would it look if I try to put action lines between Steve’s and Boris’ story? I did not see anything like that in any of the screenplays I have read so far… but something tells me that it would be worth of a try, especially if it would work for the story.
Thanks for any advice on this.
Zi
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LC
Posted: March 16th, 2015, 6:06am Report to Moderator
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Simple answer is yes, you should and/or can, intersperse actions lines within the intercuts and re the intercut example you've supplied - it's going to make it a lot clearer imo if you do include more action/description interspersed with your lines of dialogue.

At the moment it's a bit bland re visuals.

There are four characters - two in each scene - STEVE and JANE, and BORIS and GREEN - presumably STEVE and BORIS are relaying their separate interpretations of events of the same story to JANE and GREEN respectively, correct?

So, first off you need a short description of that BAR and a short description of the PARK - it also appears in your example that you might want to cut to the crime scene/bus accident? (in the retelling) as well. The children on the bus appear to have been caught in the crossfire? Is that right? It appears to be an important part of the story so you need to definitely pad this out and either do QUICK FLASH sequences to that event, and/or even FLASHBACK, instead of using photographs.

As far as this goes:

Mike slingshots Snake a “forget it” glance, and at the same time behind his back gives a “thumb up” to Bill, who only nods, “he is done” to Steve.

There's no need whatsoever to put gestures in quotation marks and as an aside this is one heck of a convoluted way of doing it imho with comma placement a bit iffy too. Just describe the action and the character's gestures - shrugs, nods, etc. as you see it happening in your head. If in doubt, don't overdo it - quite a lot of gestures (not all, mind you) should be inherent in the lines of dialogue, and also be up to the director and actors.

Re this line:

Steve sits opposite Jane, who nervously tiptoes with her fingers on the papers in front of her.

And bearing in mind English is your second language:

'tiptoes with her fingers' is quaint but could be clarified a bit more. Do you mean she's drumming her fingers on the papers in front of her? Is she nervous, uptight? The set up for both scenes needs some elaboration/clarification.

Hope this helps.


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Eliza
Posted: March 17th, 2015, 3:56am Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the advices.

The intercut is just a made up scene, an example. In most (shooting scripts) that I have read the intercut has only dialogue, and in some cases ends with a line of action. That is the reason for my insecurity about the action lines between the dialogue in an intercut (even the Dave’s Bible suggests only dialogue in a phone conversation).

The sentence with gestures; I just wanted to put as many examples I could come up with into it; the reason again are the shooting scripts I have read. In them, the writers emphasize all kinds of things (I know, there is a difference between spec and shooting scripts; that is the main reason for all my questions).

Your answers helped me to clarify many headaches. I hope you don’t mind if I drop by from time to time with new questions.

Zi
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LC
Posted: March 17th, 2015, 5:20am Report to Moderator
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No problem, Zi. Good to know you realize a shooting script is very different to a spec.

Write what you visualize. Keep in mind an economic writing style is a good thing (especially in screenplay writing) but not at the expense of the story you're trying to evoke.

There are all sorts of rules/styles etc. in scriptwriting. As a spec writer you want to stick to the basics but don't forget to inject some colour. Best thing I can advise is to post your script up on SS when you have a first draft ready. You'll get lots of good advice and valuable feedback. Good luck.


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