Hey Gang,

So, I'm doing a rewrite and I want to do a flashback within a flashback.

A boy, already in a flashback, remembers back upon times that were good in his life. I want to show this. Its very brief, but I think it's integral to the story otherwise I wouldn't do it.

Any ideas on how to format this? Thanks.

Steve

Quoted from SAC A boy, already in a flashback, remembers back upon times that were good in his life. I want to show this. Its very brief, but I think it's integral to the story otherwise I wouldn't do it. Any ideas on how to format this?

Yes. How to do this. With difficulty, I'd say.

Firstly I think it's a stretch. You'd be better doing the flashback, going back to present day then doing your next flashback.

But you want to know how to do it, rather than opinion on its merits. So I'll give it a go. How to do it, I mean.

You want to give each of them a name, preferably a date. Or a could be a colour, or a place name. Something like...

EXT. FARMOUSE - DAY (PRESENT DAY)

A tall WOMAN looks at a picture on her phone. It's a photo of the same farmhouse many years ago. A Boy stands at the front door.

INT. FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY - FLASHBACK (1980)

The same Boy admires his fluffy shirt and eye mascara in a large mirror. He turns on the radio. A Bowie song starts.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - FIELD - DAY - FLASHBACK (1975)

The Boy runs through the field. A red car pulls up at the gate. The car radio blares on the same Bowie song. The car driver exits the vehicle. He carries a shotgun and strolls towards the barn.

END FLASHBACK (1975)

The Bowie song on the radio ends. The Boy looks to the window as the sound of van approaching gets louder. He pulls tissues from a box on the table and wipes the mascara from his eyes with panic.

END FLASHBACK (1980)

EXT FARMHOUSE - DAY (PRESENT DAY)

The Woman puts her phone in her bag. She looks ruefully around then back to the house. She heads towards the front door.

FADE OUT

Maybe that'd work. The problem is the reader forgets what scene they were on or where they were in the script once a flashback ends. Unless of course you're such a fantastic writer they are hanging on your every word. I like to think I am. But then I often have this idea I resemble a Greek statue. In many ways I do - my eyes are weird and there are bits of me missing.

You have to bring them back with something - a song, a line, a character etc. Or write BACK TO SCENE. However, when you're nesting flashbacks they won't remember which scene you mean.

Hope the above helps. Good luck with it.

R

Steven, don't do it.  Don't attempt it.  Forget you even wanted to do it.

A Flashback within a Flashback is foolish.

The way Ren advised is nowhere near correct, either.  Don't put dates or the like in Slugs...they don't work that way.

To format a Flashback is very simple...

BEGIN FLASHBACK:

NEW SLUG

Blah, blah, blah...

END FLASHBACK.

You don't need a new Slug, because you're right back where you were when you started.

Thanks Ren. Sheesh!

Okay. But I want the boy to remember something as he's standing there. Should I just write what he's remembering. You know, just write it and tell the reader it's a thought if his?

Quoted from SAC Okay. But I want the boy to remember something as he's standing there. Should I just write what he's remembering. You know, just write it and tell the reader it's a thought if his?

Er, no. The audience can't read his thoughts. Well, if a brilliant actor is playing it and the boy looks sad when he finds the photo then it might imply what he's remembering. That said, you can't count on great actors or great directors. Sheesh, getting average ones who know their lines isn't all that easy. Unless you've a wad of cash.

Use a line, or an action. Perhaps he grips his hands in way earlier, or something like that. An attentive reader should be able to pick up what you're trying to say. But only if it's there on the page. If it's vital to the plot it should be there, just in case.

R

Well, yeah Ren. I'm assuming that we'll be seeing what he's remembering, for sure. I dunno. Gotta figure out why I can do with this.

Quoted from SAC Gotta figure out why I can do with this.

Shurely shome mishtake? Perhaps it should be 'what you can do with this.'

Without knowing more about the character and their situation, it's difficult for me to say.

A lot can be done with looks and cuts. They can do a lot with editing. But as I've said, you've got to get it on the page. Or at least a good hint towards your intentions.

R

Wouldn't you just treat it as different scenes within the flashback frame of reference? I think you can still jump around time wise since the reader knows you are going back in time already. I think you are over complicating things.

Or maybe you can just go the route of The Hills Have Eyes 2, and do a Flashback from a dog's perspective.  

Hmm. I'll pass.

But we do all fancy ourselves writers around here so I'm sure ill come up with something acceptable in keeping with my story.  

Thanks all!

Steve

Quoted from SAC Hmm. I'll pass. But we do all fancy ourselves writers around here so I'm sure ill come up with something acceptable in keeping with my story.   Thanks all! Steve

Yes, we do, don't we. I've been thinking about this since you posted it and looked up a couple of things. Have to duck out now but will post again in a bit.

Is this to do with your Fruit Cake rewrite?

Quoted from LC Is this to do with your Fruit Cake rewrite?

Yes. It's the scene where Doug's throwing the ball against the pitch-back all by himself because his father left. I added to that scene the father actually leaving, but I want Doug to have a quick remembrance of happier times as his father takes off down the street.

From what I gather the most important thing is making it clear with the writing what's going on i.e., what we're looking at. The second important thing is from which character's POV we're looking at.  

Incidentally, I watched a repeat viewing of The Story Of Film - An Odyssey, by Mark Cousins, last night and he referred to a film in which there was a flash back within a flashback. However, the first flashback dealt with the POV of a child and flashbacked to a scene with his mother. From that scene they flashed back to another scene but this time the POV was the mother's.

Also, happened across this, here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SyxYqfvhRfE

And this article by Trottier:

http://www.keepwriting.com/tsc/flashback.htm

So, you can have a SERIES OF FLASHBACKS or: FLASHBACK MONTAGE or: QUICK FLASHES (also known as SEQUENCE OF SHOTS or: FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK.

For your purposes I'm guessing the 'quick flashes' might be the way to go but I also had a stab at the FWAF.


EXT. FRONT LAWN - DAY

Doug throws a baseball against the pitch-back.

The front door to the house opens and Peter emerges, laden with suitcase and carry-all. Doug places the bags on the stoop, looks over at his son - pain clearly etched on his face.

PETER
I'll be off now, Dougie...  (dialogue is optional here, I reckon)

Doug ignores him, hurls the baseball against the pitch-back, this time harder...

He throws it again.

Peter hoists the carry-all over his shoulder, picks up the suitcase. He trudges up the front walkway, through the gate, and out onto the street.

Steals a glance back at his son who continues to throw the ball.

A chink as the gate closes.

Doug stops throwing the ball, glances behind him.

QUICK FLASHES: DOUG'S MEMORIES

-- Peter instructs Doug, (age 5), how to tie his shoelaces. Doug ties the final loop, masters it, beams up at this father.

-- Doug, dressed in school uniform. He clutches his father's hand as they stand outside the School yard.

-- Doug, (age 6), and Peter, on the beach. Peter holds on to Doug as they fly a kite. The kite soars into the air against the backdrop of a perfect blue sky.

-- Doug and Peter, legs dangling over the boardwalk, lick double ice-cream cones and stare out to sea. They watch as the sun dips below the horizon.

BACK TO SCENE

The ball ricochets hard off the back-pitch post, Doug catches it.

Doug's clenches/grips the ball in his hand, white knuckling it.

After a minute he throws the ball to the ground, tears up the front path through the front gate, and down the street.

Too late.

He watches as his father disappears over the crest of the hill.

Or: His father is gone.

A tear slowly rolls down Doug's cheek.

NB: Presuming Doug is aged (5) when Peter leaves (as is in the draft I read) it might be difficult to incorporate too many flashback memories from Doug's POV - because there's limited time for Doug to recall them. Perhaps make him slightly older at the time his father leaves the house?

IF IT WERE A FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK, I'd give it a go something like this:

EXT. FRONT LAWN - DAY

Doug throws a baseball against the pitch-back.

The front door to the house opens and Peter emerges, suitcase in hand.

Peter trudges up the pathway to the front gate.

Doug ignores Peter, continues to throw his ball.

The sound as the front gate catches.

Doug shoots a look behind him, to see his father gone. He looks down at the base-ball in his hand, white knuckles it.

BEGIN FLASHBACK:

INT. DOUG'S HOUSE - DAY

Streamers hang from the ceiling - a banner reads: HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY, DOUG. Doug, sits at the head of the table opening presents, a huge cake in front of him, a half dozen KIDS sit around the table singing Happy Birthday.

Peter stands off to one side of the room. The singing stops. He places a gift in front of his son.

Doug frantically tears at the wrapping, to reveal: a baseball and mitt.

He looks up at this father, a huge grin on his face.

Peter beams in response to the look of pure joy on his son's face.

END FLASHBACK.

BEGIN FLASHBACK:

INT. HOUSE - NURSERY - DAY

Peter picks his son, AGE 1, out of the cot. Tears stream down baby Doug's red face. Peter holds him, jiggles him up and down, soothes him.

A record-player in the corner of the room.

Peter walks over to it, places the needle into the vinyl groove, the record spins, music fills the room. NEIL DIAMOND - HOT AUGUST NIGHTS. Peter dances around the room, baby Doug in his arms.

MINUTES LATER:

Baby Doug, sound asleep in his father's arms. Peter places a now sleeping baby Doug back into the cot, pulls the covers up around him.

END FLASHBACK.

BACK TO SCENE:

EXT. STREET

Peter, struggling against the weight of his bags, an occasional glance back behind him - no one follows.

A tear rolls down his cheek. He hastily wipes it way, trudges on.

EXT. DOUG'S HOUSE - MINUTES LATER

Doug tears up the pathway and out the front gate. He peers down the street - just in time to see his father disappear over the crest of the hill.

He walks back inside the gate, shuts it behind him, leans against it.

A tear rolls down his cheek.


Summing up, clarity is key, and POV. Hope this helps.

Libby,

Thanks for your suggestions. They are helpful. Wondering if I can quote you verbatim in the new draft?  . The way it goes, I'll probably go with the quick flashes or something like it. I want it to be in keeping with the tone, so the whole flashback within a flashback format seems like it'd be overdone. Way overdone. But we'll see.  I got a few days to play with it. I appreciate you putting in the effort to come up with some stuff.

Ren too. The Bowie Flashback was genius!

Oh, and one more thing. Neil Diamond's 1972 live masterpiece Hot August Night? THE best live album ever recorded. Period.

Steve