I ran into a problem today, in one of my scripts I'm doing, the main character use vines to look into the history of some race through a series of shots. Then it's narrated by someone as the shots are shown.

Explaining how to not make it jarring is appreciated, thank you.

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1100748149/

Esther, that one above will get you going. I'll repost my fav Series Of Shots /Quick Shots /Montage link for you later.

Also, bear in mind in the Screenwriting Class thread, at the bottom of the page you can 'search' for what you need. Often topics like these are covered in detail.

'Series of Shots' is covered on a few threads including in one of the Sticky threads. Check out the six 'Sticky' threads in Screenwriting Class.

I will still post my fav link later.

All that should help. If not, fire away...

Edit: OK, I see your query was way more specific than I first thought. I'll re-read and/or I'm sure others will chime in.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/309763254995910666/311660408014503936/image.png
I meant this actually.

had to make it a link so it wouldn't take up the page.

Less jarring?

Can you post some of your own example?
Just out now, will come back to this if no one else chimes in.

after I'm done

Quoted Text He wraps the vine around his head. The vine comes to life and grows two extreme vines, which pour inside his ears. John lets out a scream only fall into a deep trance- VARIOUS IMAGES FLASH BEFORE HIM -A seed plants itself in the star embedded soil of the empty void. CHESTNUT (V.O.) Long ago there was nothing. But a seed was planted in its place. -It grows into a tree, with the planets being its fruit. CHESTNUT (V.O.) It grew and bore fruit, which was the realms that hang from its branches. In this era, there only peace until- -In a battlefield wretched in flames, insect-winged men clad in armor, not unlike an insect's exoskeleton, clash with large, black, eldritch bugmen. They are FYNARI SOILDERS and BLIGHT GRUNTS. CHESTNUT (V.O.) The war happened. -One Fynari soldier clashes swords with a Blight grunt. The blight grunt chops his head, orange liquid spilling onto the brunt grass ground. CHESTNUT (V.O.) Disagreements between the Blight and Fynari grew after their leader, bildora, broke an invaluable promise. -Bildora and Fynari that looks similar to Rose, save for his long hair and two slit skirt, he's THE FIRST ROSE. They face each other. The wind blows slowly. THE FIRST ROSE Bildora...we can end this. BILDORA End this? It will not end until I get what I deserve! -Bildora gets out her arms blades. She slashes at him. The first Rose ducks it and conjures up a barrage of energy daggers. Bildora deflects them with her arm blades. BILDORA You think you petty magic will stop me. -Bildora grabs him by the first rose by the neck. She grins at the writhing in pain he's doing. Just then, a group of 4 other warriors like him steps in. The FIRST KAIEGO are here. BILDORA What? CHESTNUT (V.O.) But there was one thing she forgot. -one of the first kaiego, THE FIRST ORCHID, uses her bow to strike a shoot on Bildora's hand. She screams in pain. The first rose sets himself free. CHESTNUT (V.O.) They were one, while she was none. -All five of the first kaiego come together. The five lift their hands in unison. It creates a ball of energy made from the five elements. The energy ball dashes out and absorbs Bildora into it. CHESTNUT (V.O.) She was banished since then... BACK TO SCENE The vines untangle from John's head. He breathes in and out, rapidly.

To my eye - what you did was fine. ITtwas clear to me

Hi Esther,

I'm a fantasy virgin, so unlike Dave, I think things need to be clearer and can be improved upon. Dave's probably referring to format and though that's okay, I'd be opting for a series of shots to make this more punchy, more visual.

First off I'm not familiar with this world of fantasy you're presenting so in a way I'm your ideal audience in that you need to paint a picture for the uninitiated.

So far I'm only able to latch onto vague and obscure images and fill the rest in, in my head.

Format wise, I do know that what you're writing here is not a series of shots. It's description/action, narrative via V.O.

A series of shots plays fast over a short time frame. It would be a good idea here.

I get the impression you've been writing prose. That said, I took a small sample. Your writing needs to be present tense, more visual, paint the picture in your mind's eye.

Without extra context I'm a little confused where John comes into all this/who he is etc.
So...

He wraps the vine around his head. The vine comes to life and grows two extreme vines, which pour inside his ears. (That needs editing).
Powerful verbs are crucial, as is pace in screenwriting. 'Two extreme vines', 'which pour'- those descriptions could evoke the image more precisely imh.
.
Vines encircle John's head.
The vines come to life, snaking/sprouting, burrowing into John's ears, and out through his mouth.

.John lets out a scream only fall into a deep trance-

Simplify this. John screams, his eyes roll back, he slumps to the ground, falls into a deep trance.

VARIOUS IMAGES FLASH BEFORE HIM

This could be done in a number of ways but for starters, you don't need the 'various'.
Images flash before his eyes.

-A seed plants itself in the star embedded soil of the empty void.
I'm sorry but I have no idea what image I'm meant to be seeing here.
Is the soil (earth) littered with a thousand stars? Does the earth/soil resemble a galaxy of stars?

Try interweaving your voice over with the images

CHESTNUT (V.O.)
Long ago there was nothing.

A bird flies over a barren landscape.

CHESTNUT (V.O.)
But a seed was planted in its place. (delete the 'but')

-It grows into a tree, with the planets being its fruit.
Again, I'm not sure what visual is before my eyes on screen here.

A tree grows.
Here, I'd do something like this:

CHESTNUT (V.O.)
Long ago there was nothing. Or:.
In the beginning there was nothing.

Then...

A bird (choose a type of bird) flies over the barren landscape.

A seed spills from its beak..

Insert another line from the narrator, then...

INSERT TIME LAPSE:

The patter of rain.

Sun shines through a storm cloud.

The smallest green shoot breaks through the soil.

From seed to sprout to sapling

The tree grows, matures into -

A single tall majestic oak now looms large on the landscape.

CHESTNUT (V.O.)
The tree grew and bore fruit.

The Oak, now laden with acorns.

CHESTNUT (V.O.)
And then...

The gentle landscape suddenly morphs into a battlefield.

Describe the pandemonium of the battle itself, ablaze (how/why) and what your main players look like.

Hybrid human arthropods comes into view, (give me a visual verb for how big these creatures are) six legs, double winged. Its exoskeleton clad in armour. What kind of armour btw?

These strange giant creatures are the FYNARI.

Their opponents, also giants. Crustacean like, black as ink, sinister.

These formidable creatures are the BLIGHT GRUNTS.

You need to give me more here by way of what the forces look like.

CHESTNUT (V.O.)
The war happened.

I'd simply say:
War broke out.

Anyway, you get the gist.

Hope this helps.

Great suggestions LC

they sure are. thanks. although fynari are more like humans with insect like traits mostly.

oh and also, i did what you said with a few changes.

Quoted Text IMAGES FLASH BEFORE HIM ChestNUT (v.O.) There was nothing. A bird, stars for feathers, glides over a barren landscape. A seed spills from it's beak. CHESTNUT (V.O.) Until a seed was planted in it's place. INSERT TIME LAPSE: Rain patters. Sun shines through a storm cloud. The smallest green shoot breaks through the soil, growing from sprout to sapling. The tree grows, matures into - A single tall majestic oak now looms large on the landscape. CHESTNUT (V.O.) The tree grew and bore fruit. The Oak, now laden with acorns. CHESTNUT (V.O.) And then... The gentle landscape suddenly morphs into a battlefield. Hybrid human arthropods come into view, tall as human men, clad in armor akin to a insectoid exoskeleton. These strange beings are the FYNARI. Their opponents, much larger than them. Crustacean like, black as ink, sinister. These formidable creatures are the BLIGHT GRUNTS. CHESTNUT (V.O.) The war happened. War broke out. Flurry of swords clash against each other.

Glad to help, Esther.

Mine were just suggestions btw.

Oh, watch your 'it's its typos.  

thanks.