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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Screenwriting Class  ›  Can anyone tell me if this is written correctly? Moderators: George Willson
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  Author    Can anyone tell me if this is written correctly?  (currently 930 views)
Posted: May 31st, 2017, 11:00am Report to Moderator

Southern California
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First - no fight - please. Just different POVs.

We are actually close on the ing words - not sure you read my entire post. I said basically to use for ongoing activity:

Quoted Text
e.g., Dave kicks the ball against the wall - to me implies one kick

Dave is kicking the ball against the wall - to me implies an ongoing actitvity.

Number one rule is that if it is clear - you are probably okay

So if in our mind the writer wants us to envision the dude standing there enjoying a cigarette than - a man leans against a car smoking a cigarette  - is perfectly okay in my book. If it is just a moment, I think a man leans against a a car, smokes a cigarette - is better. But as I stated - in all cases the utmost criteria is clarity - regardless of the use on ing words.

We generally agree I think. The only real difference is you think a man stands, smokes a cigarette - is awkward while I think it is perfectly fine.  

P.S - I am an amateur as well, so really have no idea what a pro would say

My Scripts can all be seen here:
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Tyler King
Posted: June 1st, 2017, 3:02am Report to Moderator

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You've both helped a lot, thank you very much!
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