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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Screenwriting Class  ›  An action line across two scene headings? Moderators: George Willson
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  Author    An action line across two scene headings?  (currently 561 views)
Steven
Posted: September 5th, 2017, 4:47pm Report to Moderator
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Here is an example of what I'm going for, and I'm a bit confused.

EXT. BALL FIELD - DAY

Powell steps out of the box, adjusts his grip and steps in again.

The delivery - breaking ball--

EXT. OLD BASEBALL STADIUM - HOME PLATE - NIGHT

--swing and a miss.


OR


EXT. BALL FIELD - DAY

Powell steps out of the box, adjusts his grip and steps in again.

The delivery - breaking ball--

--A grown up Powell swings and misses.

EXT. OLD BASEBALL STADIUM - FIELD - NIGHT

Now mid 30s, he smacks his helmet with is bat, obviously frustrated.
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JEStaats
Posted: September 5th, 2017, 4:54pm Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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I find that they're both confusing. Is he a boy in one and a 30 year old in the other? This may be a time when you DO use a transition direction for a Time-Cut. As it is, I think more information is needed.
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Steven
Posted: September 5th, 2017, 4:57pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from JEStaats
I find that they're both confusing. Is he a boy in one and a 30 year old in the other? This may be a time when you DO use a transition direction for a Time-Cut. As it is, I think more information is needed.


I want to show the transition between Powell as a child to an adult, in one pitch. He's at bat as a child, then strikes out as an adult...I'm just having trouble showing that on paper.
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JEStaats
Posted: September 5th, 2017, 5:18pm Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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Maybe something like this:

EXT. SANDLOT BALL FIELD - DAY

Powell (12) steps out of the box, adjusts his grip and steps in again.

The delivery - breaking ball--

EXT. OLD BASEBALL STADIUM - HOME PLATE - NIGHT

--swing and a miss.

Now mid 30s, Powell smacks his helmet with his bat, obviously frustrated.
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Steven
Posted: September 5th, 2017, 5:20pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from JEStaats
Maybe something like this:

EXT. SANDLOT BALL FIELD - DAY

Powell (12) steps out of the box, adjusts his grip and steps in again.

The delivery - breaking ball--

EXT. OLD BASEBALL STADIUM - HOME PLATE - NIGHT

--swing and a miss.

Now mid 30s, Powell smacks his helmet with his bat, obviously frustrated.


That's essentially what I did in the OP, but I left out Powell's introduction prior to this spot mentioning that he's young, playing with kids.

But ok, thanks, I'll probably just leave it.
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eldave1
Posted: September 5th, 2017, 7:30pm Report to Moderator
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JE was right - confusing since we don't know it is a younger Powell. But now you tell us you intro'd him earlier - so the second example you used would be better, IMO.

Also - I would name the first field

EST. LITTLE LEAGUE FIELD - DAY

Just adds even more clarity about this being for youngsters


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Steven
Posted: September 5th, 2017, 9:01pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from eldave1
JE was right - confusing since we don't know it is a younger Powell. But now you tell us you intro'd him earlier - so the second example you used would be better, IMO.

Also - I would name the first field

EST. LITTLE LEAGUE FIELD - DAY

Just adds even more clarity about this being for youngsters



I hate that I’m adding even more context, should have included it all in the first place. But I established that the kids are playing on a run down field, no baselines, kind making do with what they have. There is also some narration from older Powell!

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eldave1
Posted: September 5th, 2017, 9:26pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Steven



I hate that I’m adding even more context, should have included it all in the first place. But I established that the kids are playing on a run down field, no baselines, kind making do with what they have. There is also some narration from older Powell!



Okay Dokay



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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