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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Reviews    Script Reviews  ›  My Blacklist Evaluation Moderators: bert
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  Author    My Blacklist Evaluation  (currently 5688 views)
Equinox
Posted: October 19th, 2015, 12:42pm Report to Moderator
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Not sure if this is the right section for this, but I just received my evaluation from the Blacklist (blcklst.com).

I read a lot of good stuff and a lot of bad stuff about blcklst and wanted to check it out myself.

Long story short, I got a really good feedback, my tv pilot 'Project Endolon' got a 7/10 overall and the strengths as well as the weaknesses are on the spot, The notes under 'weaknesses' are helpful and match similiar feedback I got from several competitions.

So far I'd say the coverage alone was worth the money. I've got my new pilot 'Seekers' hosted there too, but the evaluation didn't come back yet.

You can find my script as well as the evaluation and coverage from their reader here:
Project Endolon @ The Blacklist


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eldave1
Posted: October 19th, 2015, 1:15pm Report to Moderator
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I guess you have to be a Blacklist member to read this -


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Equinox
Posted: October 19th, 2015, 1:30pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from eldave1
I guess you have to be a Blacklist member to read this -


You mean the script or the reader's feedback or both?

I think the script is set to 'by request', I think I saw I can change that somewhere.


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: October 19th, 2015, 1:34pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats Thorsten, gl with the pilot!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Equinox
Posted: October 19th, 2015, 1:50pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Anthony,

I don't know where to go with it from there though, but it's still a bit encouraging at least


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Dustin
Posted: October 19th, 2015, 3:22pm Report to Moderator
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Action speaks louder than dialogue.

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Good luck with it, mate. Hopefully your hard work (and monies spent) pays off soon.
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Equinox
Posted: October 19th, 2015, 11:59pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin
Good luck with it, mate. Hopefully your hard work (and monies spent) pays off soon.


I'm never sure if you are being sarcasting or serious, but thank you anyways.


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Dustin
Posted: October 20th, 2015, 2:25am Report to Moderator
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Action speaks louder than dialogue.

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Quoted from Equinox


I'm never sure if you are being sarcasting or serious, but thank you anyways.


Not sure how my comment could be construed as sarcastic... perhaps it was the (monies spent) bit. However, I was being genuine. You've put in a lot of hard work, and from your post it seems that you have also thrown a fair chunk of cash at this script already. I also think you're a decent guy. I hope something comes of it.

Good luck.
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Equinox
Posted: October 20th, 2015, 5:05am Report to Moderator
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Hey Dustin,

Yeah I figured people tend disapprove spending money for contests or feedback, so I wasn't sure if your comment was heading in that direction.

Thanks for clarifying.


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Equinox
Posted: October 20th, 2015, 5:13am Report to Moderator
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I just checked back and saw my script made it to the monthly top list, #15 in TOP UPLOADED SERIALIZED HOUR LONG PILOTS category, got 3 views since the evaluation came in yesterday.


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IamGlenn
Posted: October 20th, 2015, 8:02am Report to Moderator
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Sounds good, man. Best of luck.


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Equinox
Posted: October 20th, 2015, 1:27pm Report to Moderator
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Thank you too. The interest or number of downloads hasn't really kicked off yet, though. I guess tv pilots is not something many people are looking out for.


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Equinox
Posted: October 21st, 2015, 10:39am Report to Moderator
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Just got back the evaluation for 'Seekers'. It's a 6/10 but compared to the other one, which took the reader over a week from 'Reading in Progress' to write the evaluation, this one was read and evaluated in a single day.

I think the reader read it completely, but I'm not sure if he/she got the point of it.

The pilot involves people travelling back in time in order to investigate historical events (and the hidden truth behind them). In the pilot, it's the JFK murder they're visiting. How the reader came to the conclusion, this is a derivation of the X-Files keeps me puzzled. Then another key 'rule' in the series is, they are able to travel back in time, but they can't change it, they are only 'observers' or 'time detectives' if you want. The reader points this out as a weakness, saying time travel makes no sense if they can't change anything. Feels a bit like saying cops hunting a killer doesn't make sense if they don't arrest him in the end.

I think the coverage is a solid effort, and a 6 isn't that bad, but it reads a bit biased in my opinion.

Can be found here:
Seekers @ The Blacklist


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IamGlenn
Posted: October 21st, 2015, 10:52am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Equinox
Just got back the evaluation for 'Seekers'. It's a 6/10 but compared to the other one, which took the reader over a week from 'Reading in Progress' to write the evaluation, this one was read and evaluated in a single day.

I think the reader read it completely, but I'm not sure if he/she got the point of it.

The pilot involves people travelling back in time in order to investigate historical events (and the hidden truth behind them). In the pilot, it's the JFK murder they're visiting. How the reader came to the conclusion, this is a derivation of the X-Files keeps me puzzled. Then another key 'rule' in the series is, they are able to travel back in time, but they can't change it, they are only 'observers' or 'time detectives' if you want. The reader points this out as a weakness, saying time travel makes no sense if they can't change anything. Feels a bit like saying cops hunting a killer doesn't make sense if they don't arrest him in the end.

I think the coverage is a solid effort, and a 6 isn't that bad, but it reads a bit biased in my opinion.

Can be found here:
Seekers @ The Blacklist


Looks like you need to be a member to view the link.


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Equinox
Posted: October 21st, 2015, 11:05am Report to Moderator
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I'll just post them here then:

Project Endolon review:

Era:
Present Day, Near Future

Locations:
Alabama, Switzerland

Genre:
Action & Adventure, Sci-Fi & Fantasy

Logline:
When traveling from the future, a time-traveler accidentally causes a miniature black hole to form in the present, but as scientists try to deal with the problem, the time traveler tries to regain his memory.

Strengths:
The numerous strengths in this piece are its wonderful premise, its strong and active protagonist, and its ability to ground science in reality. Right off the bat, Derek is a brave and forward thinking protagonist. He's willing to take the suit himself, despite his physical limitations, and head through the wormhole. When the General tells him to go with God, Derek's remark "I'm sure he has more pleasant things to do" both tells the audience that Derek is a man of science who doesn't believe in God and that he's a bit sarcastic and funny. These characteristics make him smart and likable. The antigravity suit is super futuristic and cool; stuff like this will bring the "wow" factor to the show. The Act-Outs are all incredibly strong. Derek heading through the worm hole, Derek passing out just as Dr. Emma arrives, and the FBI agents finding the 2059 tag are all page-turners. Derek's dream sets up a whole portion of the story that this reader assumes will come down the pipe once the show gets more episodes. What works especially well is seeing the juxtaposition of how much Derek cares for Linda in the dream to how much he cares about himself in his relative present time. His connection with Linda is powerful and visceral in the dream, and audiences are going to want to learn what happened there. That final scene is killer!

Weaknesses:
The weaknesses here are some repetitive beats and a lack of context for some of the ancillary "future" characters like Wheeler or Linda. The main repetitive beat is right after the FBI agents find the 2059 tag on Derek's suit. Act 3 ends with them finding this tag and not believing it, but the following scenes in Act 4 are these same agents coming to Derek and telling him this tag is on the suit. They want to know how it got there, but he has no idea. The audience, does, however, meaning that they'll be getting this information twice. A script shouldn't be giving out the same information more than once, or it will bore the audience. Consider condensing these scenes so that when they look at the suit, Derek is there with them. Then Act 4's main conflict is getting Derek to remember what happened and no time is wasted dealing with the FBI agents' repetitive info. The characters of Linda and Wheeler are from Derek's future time, but they just appear without any context in the story. Wheeler's arrival is awesome, but if there was some kind of warning or clue that it was coming, it would be much more satisfying. Consider Brody or Derek knowing about Wheeler. That way there's some kind of "ticking clock objective" which they need to accomplish before he arrives. Linda appears in the dream, but hint at her character earlier.

TV series potential:
This page-turner has the potential to be a high octane sci-fi television show in the vein of 12 MONKEYS or ALPHAS. It also approaches the genre without ballooning the production budget. Things are simple, to the point, and grounded in reality. The most expensive element here will be the suit and the VFX for the mini-black holes. The FBI agents make sense and add a procedural element to the story that audiences will easily understand and go along with. The strength of the piece is its driving plot and active protagonist, so top actors will likely want this role if they can get their hands on it. Overall, this is a strong script with an active protagonist, enormously high stakes, and a simple yet entertaining sci-fi plot that draws in the reader.

Pages:
54


And Seekers:

Era:
Time-Traveling

Locations:
Various

Genre:
Action & Adventure, Mystery & Suspense, Sci-Fi & Fantasy

Logline:
A detective searching for answers to some of the world’s greatest conspiracies is invited to join a top-secret organization with time-traveling capabilities and his life is forever changed.

Series Logline:
A detective searching for answers to some of the world’s greatest conspiracies is invited to join a top-secret organization with time-traveling capabilities and his life is forever changed.

Strengths:
What the script has going for it most is its structure, as the material does a nice job of not revealing too much story information too quickly. Despite the fact a bit more information needs to be provided about story’s bad guys (more on this below), that’s not to take away from the natural pacing of Aydon's journey to the secret base and his subsequent journey through time. Also, at story’s end, the pilot does a nice job of setting up Aydon's moral dilemma: if he is to learn the truth, he must give up everything he holds dear in the present – his job, and his work relationship with his trusting partner. All said, the script checks many of the boxes required of quality suspenseful pilots, but some additional consideration should be given to a few narrative issues as dictated below for the sake of making the pilot that much more viable.

Weaknesses:
The biggest issue with the script is that there isn’t enough of a “bad guy” presence. Though the group encounters mysterious agents that chase them out of the subway station, not enough information is provided about the antagonists, when it seems an explanation of some sort would be the next logical piece of intel – i.e. the phrasing “there’s no time for explanations” does not suffice. (Consider this: even the “Smoking Man” was seen in the “X-Files” pilot.) Also, while the pilot does a nice job explaining the nature of time-travel, the question still remains: what’s the point? If “time” resets so present-day events cannot be altered, then what is the goal of traveling to the past? Is it simply to learn the truth about past conspiracies (truths that will most likely not be accepted in the present)? Long story short, some additional justification needs to be given to their time-traveling efforts.

TV series potential:
All in all, the project maintains a number of positives, mostly as it pertains to its structuring and character dilemmas. That said, the project faces a steep uphill battle in terms of being produced, given the somewhat derivative nature of the material (the “X-Files” resurgence making this an even more difficult sell) and the fact one has a difficult time seeing the point of time-travel if one cannot alter past or future events. That said, given the similarities to the “X-Files,” one could easily envision a show like this one on FOX, but more unique characteristics need to be introduced, and its numerous narrative wrinkles need to be ironed out.

Pages:
58

General Thoughts on Bible:
The bible actually proves the project’s most impressive selling tool. All things considered, the bible maintains all of the required elements: character breakdowns, episodic breakdown, a tonal overview, promotional points, etc.


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