Alone by Sean Elwood (Aleph) - Short - A girl seals herself inside her apartment during a pandemic. 7 pages - pdf, format

***SOME SPOILERS BELOW***

That was really good, especially the ending. The tape recorder was very clever, in my opinion. It gave a reason for all the V.O.

I made a few notes as I was reading. A few errors, but nothing major, mostly things on page 1:

-No "FADE IN:"

-The scene heading was in bold, which isn't really nessecary. Also, it should be "INT. APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY" instead of "INT. APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM" Unless you're using mini slugs, and in that case it would just be "BEDROOM."

-Your use of description was odd at the beginning. You spent a lot of time describing what the light looked like on the ceiling, how it looked on the floor, and how it look on The Girl's face. It doesn't have much to do with the story, anyway. It could be described in one or two paragraphs.

-The protagonist didn't have a name. Usually you should name all characters, especially the protagonist. I didn't see any reason in not giving her a name.

-When you say she "lays on the couch" it should really be "lies on the couch." If it's in inanimate object, you say "lays," if it's a person, it's "lies."

-You used "CLOSE UP:" which you usually only use in shooting drafts. There was really no reason for giving camera directions, so I'd change that.

-You technically shouldn't use "Beat" in the middle of dialogue. That's only for when there is a pause in between two or more character's dialogue. When there is a pause in the middle of one character's dialogue, use "..."

So there you go. I hope that helped. Over all, I really liked this. A unique take on a zombie apocalypse. No gore, violence, nothing, but still just as good, if not better than most zombie movies.

OK, OWC fans, here we go!

First one out of the shoot.

First off, I'm pretty shocked to see that this was written 1 day after the challenge was announced.  IMO, that's way too fast and not nearly enough time or thought was put into it...nor could it be, with just 1 day.

It is fairly well written and for the most part, free of errors, so I give you credit...you know how to write.  Some awkward sentences, but nothing too bad.

The problems I have here are as follows...

First of all, with Contagion just being released, this feels completely cliche.  Even without the new release, it's nothing we haven't seen time and time again.

Secondly, V.O.'s are tough to pull off...and you've got more here than I think I've ever seen...and they don't work...at all, sorry to say.

Thirdly, not naming your one and only character doesn't help in any way.  Without a name, we can't feel much for her.  I'm shocked you chose not to name her...why?

But, the biggest issue I have here is that this doesn't go anywhere.  Nothing happens. Nothing is resolved.  We don't learn a single thing throughout the 6 pages...and just barely making the minimum # of pages, isn't a good sign, either.  You had a week to fix this up, make changes, additions, etc.  Unless you literally knew you had ZERO time throughout the week and had to finish this on Saturday, I see no excuses.

So, I do give you credit for writing a fairly well written script in 1 day, I don't see this as much, because it doesn't go anywhere, doesn't bring anything to the table that we haven't seen countless times, and doesn't leave me with any lasting impression.

Congrats on entering and completing an OWC script, though.  Nothing wrong with that.

I've never been a fan of scripts that rely on VO to tell their entire story.  Unfortunately, that's the case here.  As a reader, we can't engage with the Girl because she doesn't do anything but mope around the house.  The narration gives us a lot of the outbreak/contagion-type news of the virus spreading, but it just goes on and on and gets very repetitive.

You started out with the Girl being the sole survivor of a bird flu virus.  But then you change it to a zombie story when she talks about her family and friends out there waiting for her.  How does she know they're out there?  She didn't mention the news saying anything about zombies.  

Technically, this would be two locations, because you also go outside the apartment on the breezeway.  No real prob there, though.

So a lack of originality, logic issues and an over-reliance on VOs is what sank this for me.

The problem with this is if it were shot as a movie it wouldn't be very exciting because the girl doesn't do anything.  She's sitting here.  She's walking here.  She puts pennies in a glass of water.  Even for a short that's a few minutes long there's nothing visually going on.  The only significant visual IMO was the tape recorder at the end.  Otherwise there's not a heck of a lot going on.  

That said, however, this wasn't bad.  An overused idea, yes, but effort and thought was put into this and it shows.  I liked the ending with the tape recorder.  That was good.  The dialogue was good at times but it relies far too heavily on it.  Sometimes that wouldn't be an issue but when nothing visually is happening then that creates an issue.

So good job.

Greg

Greg, there's no "dialogue".  It's all V.O.  That in itself is the biggest problem, here, other than the fact that nothing takes place visually.

I have to agree with others' comments here. But to be honest, the biggest issue I had with this (even despite the fact that nothing really happens) is the first half page. So much description for a short just set me up to expect problems.

I think you could do more with this. There's the whole ethical dilemma on suicide that you could explore a lot more effectively. I mean, yes she's confined to her apartment, but I think there's still more she could do that shows us something, rather than all the telling.

HTH

Okay read this.

Not bad. VO doesnt bother me. Its one way of expo that can be usefull of course.

Visually I would agree that there isnt a lot that happens as far as action, but sometimes thats okay IMO.

I guess she could have done some jumping jacks or shadow boxed a little. :]

Good job on getting this done!

I kind of like the static nature of this. It didn't put me off at all, quite the contrary, I thought it created a nice bit of tension. And I do think it qualifies as a single location, since the location is the apartment. I understood the spirit of the rule to be that it could be shot in a single location. And if you can shoot in the apartment, you shouldn't have any problems shooting the immediate surrounding of it.

The writing itself was pretty solid, although the voice over lines had pretty massive sentences in it. If I were delivering them, I'd chop them into smaller pieces. I can't say that if I were writing them, I'd do any better since I have the tendency to write similarly. But I do try to get them in editing.

Which brings us to the much discussed abundance of voice over. I thought some of it was pretty darn nice and the ending with the tape recorder, as have been said, was indeed very effective. However, I thought there was way too much explanation. It would've been more organic if less was said. And some of it could've easily come from television or radio, which would've made the entire thing more dynamic. That's because practically all broadcasting stations are automatic, they'd most likely just loop the same things over and over if there was no human supervision. Therefore there could've been exposition trough media even if everybody was dead. Radio would've been particularly suitable option.

What bothered me the most was the inconsistency of the root cause of the apocalypse. Sometimes it was an airborne viral infection, sometimes it was zombies. The thinking probably is that the infection is what made people zombies, but if that was the case, the protagonist didn't need to get attacked by the zombies and the ending doesn't hold water too well. The other thing that left me scratching my head a bit was the time frame. If she really was there long enough to read books more than two or three times, where did she get the food? And more importantly, if the only way that she could've avoided the infection was to seal all sources of air from the apartment, how did she not die of carbon dioxide? And yes, camera directions - please refrain from them.

However, I feel that I am a bit unfair by nitpicking on the details like that. The fact is, that's the easy part of any review. But it gives the impression that I really didn't like it, when in fact I rather did. I like minimalistic and static things and I think this achieved it quite nicely. Especially the bit about dropping pennies to a glass was really vivid in my head for a reason or another. Some reviewers have expressed desire to have the character named because there's no reason not to, but I'm of the exact opposite opinion. I think it works beautifully that she does not have a name, because there is no reason for her to have one. I thought it just amplified the overall atmosphere of barrenness and alienation that was the best part of this thing.

My big problem with this is that it went on a little too long.  You could probably take a page off it, maybe even two.  There was too much talking about loneliness.

The opening of the monologue was too on-the-nose for me.  You told us everything that we needed to know about the pandemic right away.  IMHO, you could've started with the loneliness first, as that is what this story is about.


Phil

Congrats on finishing the OWC.

My thoughts. The negative:

Need to give the girl a name so we can connect with her.

Too much V.O. Some of it can be changed into description such as smelling the garbage.

I think you could have probably made a story about the struggle for her of leaving the room.

Positive:

I like the tape recorder idea. Like the contagion idea.

Hope this helps,
Gabe

I was neutral on this. The setup was for the reader to feel the loneliness of the character. Voiceover by itself will not do that. So it's the narrative/action that does the heavy lifting. This was more about showing someone bored. Perhaps if she was looking through old picture albums, that might help.

Good effort. Writing and format okay. Close-ups were nice/stylish. Give the character a name please – it's the first up establishing rapport with the character. Telling us someone is bored to the max isn't needed. Criteria met.

This opened a bit odd for me. While I thought that there was too much description with the sunlight coming in through the blinds and "bounces" light off them - if I'm going to let you have it, then I can't allow this

Quoted Text The living room the Girl is in is dark except for the sunlight

It's a line that isn't needed. First of all, the sunlight, from all description given, pretty much fills up the living room. For we see it through the blinds, we see it on some reflections. Some of it lights the floor. It shines on the Girl's face. Where is the "darkness"? How dark is dark? Either the blinds are closed or they aren't. Looks like they are open.

Just a first reaction nitpick.

Some others commented on the bold header movement. It would be nice if done right (as pointed out, INT. APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM -DAY) but a brief word about it, the bold headers. It doesn't bug me personally. The reason why this cult practice has caught on is because of the argument that "you can read it better" and "see" the locations, blah blah blah. Since the OWC states one general location, and it is a short script--is the bold header really needed? No. Does it crawl under my skin? No.

Does bolding CLOSE UP help? You have to justify it for being there and not bold it, because, yes, it does draw attention to itself. It's also not needed. You could have easily have written "Her eyes flutter" or "Her pupils dilate" There's also a few other BOLDED CLOSES UPS which you can avoid simply by giving the subject of the shot.

and yes, give the GIRL a name.
Bolding bits of dialog is a no-no.

This is interesting. This is the third short script I read in a week (three different sites) which had no dialog except a VO.  If it's a trend, it's already getting old. I know as a feature, Zombieland had a few VO bits, but VOs should never tell us what we are seeing. (Zombieland's VO were humorous commentary on past events and breaking the fourth wall to do it) I'm not a huge fan of VOs. I'm no McKee enforcer, but there can be times when a VO is overkill.

Not too bad an effort for a OWC

About the HALLWAY (BREEZEWAY)

My peeps have put you in the pillory for it. And in a unfair way. Let's say you fix this up and someone films it. They have one location: the apartment. BUT it's not out of the way to film a quick shot in front of the apartment door.

This was effective at grabbing my attention at the beginning, with the premise. A girl is closing herself off to the world because of a virus that is killing everyone. It's been done in many forms, but the idea of one person locking themselves inside seemed a little unique. It shows how a powerful premise can capture one's interest and bring them right into the story.

Things didn't build as well as I'd hoped, but it wasn't bad, and could be improved after a few more passes. The VO dialogue was very long a times and definitely too on the nose. Talking about the bird flu and how it spreads is not necessary. We all know. I have no interest in the movie out now called Contagion because it's been done too much. Better to leave a sense of mystery about what killed everyone.

And then the zombie turn. Didn't expect it. There was no foreshadowing of that at all. It seemed thrown in at the end. And this is probably the crux of the problem.

The problem is the premise intrigues, but in reality also limits where the story can go. It's cool to think of someone being in that situation. So the premise intrigues. But then, this being a film, stuff has to happen. With everyone dead, and her locked in, what can happen? You painted yourself into a corner.

What you needed was something like perhaps a strange visitor shows up. Maybe he comes and she does not let him in. How does he know she's there? Hmm. Then he comes back the next day. This can't be right, she thinks, how does he know? What does he want? But she is alone. She takes a chance. She opens the door.

Quoted from Ryan1 You started out with the Girl being the sole survivor of a bird flu virus.  But then you change it to a zombie story when she talks about her family and friends out there waiting for her.  How does she know they're out there?  She didn't mention the news saying anything about zombies.   .

Zombies? I thought she meant all her friends and relatives were dead, and she was going to die too, to rejoin them in the afterlife.

Well, let's go, I'm gonna do this with a grid this time, cause there are so many entries...

OWC rules respected:

Absolutely. There's only the apartment as the setting and no expensive stunts. Only one actress and very short, so this could be done even as a no-budget film over the course of one afternoon.

Originality:

Hmm... I liked the tape recorder explaining the VO. But everything else seemed like elements you'd see in every other "human-race-is-wiped-out-by-mysterious-illness" films.

Structure:

Well done. FADE IN was missing.

Overall impression:

Okay script. Not too original, but would be nice as a student's project I guess.

I'm wondering first of all why you at least didn't name your one and only character. I felt that the voice over kept going on and on and on... and I knew the story from the beginning and there was nothing that all that voice over was going to do to change anything. Thus, nothing happens in this.

The tape recorder playing is interesting, but why does she make the tape? For whom? Everyone's dead.

Sandra

This is pretty good. The first film that sprung to mind was the massively underappreciated Right At Your Door., which deals with a guy locking himself away from the world after a dirty bomb goes off. It's a claustrophobic thriller that chucked out a number of different difficult choices and conflicts.

Whilst reading I was thinking to myself how could you justify the VO and thought a tape recorder would be a neat idea, so was pleased to see you've done that. That said, the tape recorder's impact was diluted, IMO, by placing the VO throughout - I would've thought peppering it intermittently or just at the very end would up the ante. Silence in this scene could, and should, be its own character. I think you missed a trick there.

The good thing about playing tape recorder just at the end is that you could play around a bit with the narrative as this would be the 'discovery moment' where some sense is found amongst the madness of the world's collapse. We, the audience, make the 'discovery', but we'd surely feel more invested if we felt that discovery through a character.

You've clearly set up a scenario for a self-contained story and created a compelling enough base to build for rewrites if you so choose.

I think this would work really well if some fixes are made.

The V.O. doesn't bother me at all. I never understood why some people are so bothered by them. Your V.O. however needs to be trimmed way down. Right now it's way longer than the few visuals you have. I also think it would run long/boring on film.

The idea here definitely works and I like the tape recorder thing and her going out to join "them". IT just needs to be way shorter as a film to keep people's interest. I'd say 3 minutes max.

Good Work that you can shoot yourself even.  

Quoted from Lexalicous Zombies? I thought she meant all her friends and relatives were dead, and she was going to die too, to rejoin them in the afterlife.

Here's why I thought the writer was talking about zombies:

GIRL (V.O.)
I shouldn’t have anything to worry
about up here. They usually can’t
go up or down stairs very easily
anyway.

GIRL (V.O.)
And they’re probably outside that
door, walking around, waiting.

If her friends and family are in the afterlife, why would they have trouble getting up stairs and why would they be hanging outside the door?

I agree, Ryan.  I got the exact same impression that there were either zombies, or something like zombies outside.

This one worked pretty well and would be an easy shoot. This kinda had a contagion feel to it, just with zombies. It might not be the most original idea out there, but it still works for the most part. It is a bit too long for what does go on, and having it all voice over is kinda strange, maybe have her at least talk to herself once or twice.  Still, good job on completing the OWC.

This is a clear story that easily fits the OWC rules IMO.
Congrats on creating a coherent script that plays by the rules.
I don’t care for excessive V.O.
I’d prefer more visual cues and less taking.
The story goes on for too long, but has an effective conclusion.
This is pretty well written, I’d read more from this author.

Regards,
E.D.

My first review of the OWC.
I enjoyed this and it grabbed me. I wanted to carry on reading knowing there would be a cool reveal (worried there wasn't) and the tape recorder is a great one.
Zombies have been done to death (pardon the pun) but this is an interesting take and I liked the claustrophobia presented here.
Negatives have already been mentioned - there are also a couple of orphans (thanks Dreamscale for telling me what one of those is!) and a few clunky descriptions.
Naming the character gives her an identity to invest in as a reader, but when would you hear her name if watching this on the screen? I dug the fact she was anonymous. The visuals are enough for me to 'feel' for her predicament and isolation.
I don't have a problem with V.O. and thought it was well used but it does need trimming.

As for my understanding of the disease and her intentions - The contagion is a mutated bird flu taht turns you into a zombie. And she intends to join them by becoming one of them.

unfortunately this one didn't do too much for me either. to be honest, i was bored most of the way through and was hoping for something to happen at the end. anything. but nothing happened. the dialogue repeats what movies like contagion have already expressed. so theres not much new here.

however it was well written and it flowed nicely. the tape recorder was a nice touch at the end as well and added a little bit to the story, but not enough to save it IMO

Lol.  Of course the first story I choose to read is a zombie story.  :-)  It was kind of a nice try at a twist, but as soon as I saw 'pandemic', I said to myself right away 'Probably zombies'.

I actually like Voiceover more often than not, so that part didn't bother me at all or dampen my enjoyment of the story.

However, that being said, some of the dialogue in the voiceover was a little too on the nose and would probably sound a little weird on actual film.

Something that did kind of dampen my enjoyment of the story, though, was the awkward phrasing in the descriptions, and the whole six paragraphs it took to talk about light coming through the blinds.

Not a bad story here, I feel, but I don't think it's particularly good, either.  It's not really anything that hasn't been done before, (actually, it's been done to death, probably), but it wasn't terrible at all.  Probably exactly an average story, maybe just a little below.

- Mark

As I go:

Page 1: The opening description could be much more succinct.
If we're going to be listening to Girl talking to herself for a long time, I wouldn't mind if there was a bit more spice to the dialogue.  It just comes off as dull to listen to.

Page 2:  Some awkward wording in the VOs, too.  Probably just needs a general dialogue tuneup.  To be expected with an early draft.

Page 5:  She keeps saying, everyone's dead, everyone's dead, with certainty.  Then on Page 5, she suddenly says, "most likely dead".  An odd switch.

Thoughts:

I think I would enjoy watching this if it were shot well.

I think that she could spend her time thinking about a lot more interesting things, though.  What is it that you really want to say about being alone with this story?  I wasn't quite clear what the focus was.  The ideas presented that weren't exposition were definitely interesting, but there didn't seem to be one main idea that the story was about.

I like the idea of her choosing to be a zombie so as not to feel alone any more.  That said, all of the VO doesn't really lead up to that choice, which means that the sudden realization of the choice lacks punch.  What is needed here is a series of thoughts leading up to the idea that being dead with others is better than being alive alone.

Very good suggestions above, I notice, so I will leave it at that.

Thanks for the fun read!

Although this script held my attention, I don't think it delivers -- I could find no reason to care about the Girl, her observations about her fate seemed hollow -- of course, just my humble opinion.

I decided to give this one another try since it was my fault that I misunderstood the challenge and took it out on your script. Sorry, my fault.

Now that I've given it another chance with an open mind, I think it could work, but I still think you need more visuals.

Maybe photos or home movies, a Zombie DVD playing on the TV, maggots on the garbage...

to balance out the V.O.

Let me know if you do a rewrite.

Sorry about my ignorance.

Cindy

I thought this was okay. Written well enough but not too much happened. You could have shown us the girl a few days, or weeks even, before she decides to ultimately leave. Getting more and more desperate, eating mouldy bread, sniffing a bottle of milk, gagging then drinking it anyway. Something along those lines maybe.

The little thing that niggled at me was the 'locked locks'. I think we can assume they are locked so she can just stare at the locks. I know that's not a massive deal but it's something that didn't feel right to me. Unless they are bolted locks and you can see the bolt across the door of course, but then tell me that instead.

Not my favourite, but not hideous.

Arty.

Hey All,

Long time no talk, everybody. A lot of you probably don't even know who I am.

I've been gone for some time and haven't been on SimplyScripts much�or at all, for that matter. I've been busy with school, trying to finish up my BFA in Digital Film and Video Production, and have finally graduated in December of 2012.

I want to get back on these boards, as quite a few people here are my friends and there are some damn good screenwriters here. This would be a wonderful opportunity for me to really get started on building my portfolio and helping others see their scripts come to life if I find one that piques my interest and if the budget allows. But, that's for later (and I don't want to sound like a businessman after being gone for over a year...). I digress...

Anyway, here I am, the author of this script. Why I never replied to any of these comments is beyond me, but I'm back, and I want to thank you all for reading this script. I know that people here don't like old threads to be bumped up, but I've also wanted to update you all with the news that this script has been filmed by some friends of mine and me. We had a blast doing so, and it would be an honor for anyone to watch this for their own entertainment (if they get any out of it).

Again, thank you for taking your time for reading this script, and it's great to be back. I look forward to seeing what's been popping up lately with old and new screenwriters on this website! Now, where to begin...

Having your script filmed is the best reason to bump a thread.

I enjoyed the video.  I'm not a big fan of voice over, but it worked in this instance.

The music fit perfectly and the overall sound quality was good for the most part.  The sound of the girl peeling the tape off the door was too quiet or maybe too distant, and the 911 calls at the end were too loud.  These are just minor issues that I had.

I didn't care for the out of focus shots of the girl in front of the blinds.  I'm not sure what you were trying to show with that.

Overall this was a well made short.  Congratulations.

Jordan

Jordan,

I like voice over but only if it's done to where the voice over is continuous throughout the film. If it only pops up at the beginning or the end, or both, then I'm just like, "Then why use it?"

The music was actually composed by the same guy who wrote (ghost-wrote?) for big budgeted movies. His name is Dana Glover, on IMDB at least, but I don't know how our producer found him and got him to do this for free! I guess maybe he was just looking for smaller pieces of work? The sound is kind of funky. The tape coming off the walls is quiet because I believe the director didn't want to overpower the voice over. And the police calls at the end credits are pretty loud, too, but nothing way too concerning. Sound is always one of my biggest issues in the films I make or help make. I can just never seem to get it right, or find someone to get it right.

I came up with the majority of the shots and then brought them to the attention of my director and cameraman, and they didn't have a problem with the out-of-focus shot. Well, actually, my cameraman asked what the purpose of it was for, and honestly, I wanted to use it because that's how I saw it in my head when I was writing the script. I don't know why, maybe just for "artistic" purposes, but the director liked it, so I'm not totally the one to blame

Thanks for watching, and I'm glad you liked it!

Sean

Just wanted to drop you a note.  I saw the film but haven't read the script yet.  I will try to get to it later.  I like to see how the film matches up to the script.

Overall, the film was good.  The sound was off once.  The beginning had her speaking close to the microphone, but a little later you can tell she was further.  I know, picky picky.  I thought you guys did a good job and, as said before, always good to see your work on film!!!!!!!

Congratulations!!!!

I just watched the movie - very nice! Nice shots, good acting, nice directing - nicey nice all around!

Hey Sean.  Long time no talk.

I remember reading this one.

I think this was a great job all around.  Very professional, escpecially for a short.

Like I said before, I love voiceovers and this voiceover was done nicely.  It evoked her thoughts well.  There's no other way to get that information across to the viewer.

Lol.  I remembered all the descriptions of the blinds in the script and saw they made it to the filmed draft.  While I still admit you way over-described them in the script, it looks great on film.  No harm, no foul there.

I was wondering if you got a professional musician to score this, because they did a great job on it.

Great work on everybody's part.  Congrats, Sean.

I might have to send a couple shorts of mine your way.

Nicely done, Sean!
I'm not a huge fan of V.O., but it does fit the bill here.

My fave shot...
The "breathing" plastic over the vent...
Like a heaving black beast waiting for a victim.
NICE!

Regards,
E.D.

Hey Sean,

Never read the script, but this was a very nice short. I'm a sucker for a good voice-over (probably due to my love affair with film-noir), and the voice-over here did not disappoint.

Everything in the short came together nicely: decent production value, and well directed, edited and acted. You should be proud of this. It's definitely one of the better shorts I've watched recently   

Did you have another role, in addition to writing it? And what did you guys film this on?

All the best.

Toby.

Quoted from Electric Dreamer Nicely done, Sean! I'm not a huge fan of V.O., but it does fit the bill here. My fave shot... The "breathing" plastic over the vent... Like a heaving black beast waiting for a victim. NICE! Regards, E.D.

Agree.

Dear Sean, After reading your story. I started to think. What type of virus could have one confined inside a home. And what type of virus could be so widespread until it will keep someone's own mother from calling them for three whole days.

I would like to also add this, You need to insert an Ellipsis when she walks around the coffee table where the cell phone sit, and into another room, at the beginning of her voice over underneath the narration. Just to try to spread a little more of this one of a kind virus.

Now. Whatever this virus is, it has got to effect the human central nervous system or
produce and muscle disfunction, to make a persons own Mother to just not want to call their child for three whole days. Because if her Mother is at one location and her daughter is at another location, it shouldn't be a problem at all to just pick up the cell phone and try to find out what is happening in this moment of plague.

I really like your story. It is very interesting.

Darryl  

  

I love it! It's well written and the V.O. works for me. I didn't really understand the ending... plus I suspect there was no final twist at the end, which is something for you to work on.
One part of her inner dialog didn't sit right - when she says that it was some variant of a Bird Flu virus or something like that. We all know that things are very specific when it comes to a pandemic, so for example 'Swan 3 variant of Bird Flu' would sound more convincing!
Keep up good work
Marcela

Quoted from Marcela I love it! It's well written and the V.O. works for me. I didn't really understand the ending... plus I suspect there was no final twist at the end, which is something for you to work on. One part of her inner dialog didn't sit right - when she says that it was some variant of a Bird Flu virus or something like that. We all know that things are very specific when it comes to a pandemic, so for example 'Swan 3 variant of Bird Flu' would sound more convincing! Keep up good work Marcela

Thank you Marcela!

The ending just shows that The Girl has broken down under the stress and pressure of loneliness and complete isolation. She would rather join "the others" so she wouldn't be so alone anymore, than live a life of being alone until she died. As far as twist goes, there wasn't really supposed to be one

Being more specific on the virus name would be interesting too!

Thanks again.

Sean

Hi Avalon,

Must be Monday morning  mishap day. I deleted your post accidentally so feel free to post again. Luckily I'm not 100% daft and copied your content.

Hello, I'm looking at learning how to direct and produce short films over the summer and was wondering if i would be allowed to use this script as my first production?
My email is avalonhearts(at)outlook.com if you're interested.

You can contact Sean directly via email:

elwoodsean(at)gmail.com

I also took the liberty of PMing him your details.

This may be a silly question, but this script does take on a different sound after 2020's pandemic. Would that idea be worth exploring? Reading the script it surprised me that it was created in 2011.