Well, that's a pretty short-lived show... oh, well. Better to quit while you're ahead.

So, if the series was filmed, would it go Season 1, film, Season 2? Or in the order that you're writing them?

Alright Bert, you're first on the list for this crazy new idea of mine, so one review of episode 5.5 coming right up.

Starting out already with the Bert descriptions....just something about them that flows.  What the hell is with the chocolate pudding?  I'm assuming this is going to come back into play later.

Is that true?  There's only one J in the entire scrabble game?  Weird.

You've got some good banter going between the characters when Bubbles first shows up, particularly Danielle's questioning, which kinda reminded me of the bank robbery scene in Raising Arizona.  Kenny's daydream seemed a little off for me, but that's probably due to the overall absurdity of it.

Is Gretchen Homer Simpson?

Jason's little monologue with the music was a nice touch...I could see that one playing out nicely.

I haven't read through any of the previous posts, but was Kenny's "You killed Jason" line lost on a lot of people?

There's the pudding again...and he bought it at Big Food no less...home of the really big food...hahaha

Casey with the knife....I literally went from "Ugh" to "HaHa".  Nice spin on things.

And then Ash shows up, and things get really weird.

On the whole, this was pretty good.  I found a lot of little references to things in there from the pop culture (or past pop culture) realm, and picking up on them made it a fun read.

The best part of this was definitely in the dialogue and interaction between the characters.  I could see it moving at a pretty quick pace, and it would probably do you better to use some more contractions.  There weren't many, but I saw a few spots where it might work better.

The ending is pretty abrupt, and for good reason I suppose, but for my money I would have liked to see Charizard busting up through the house, only to end up breaking through the bathroom floor where John sits comfortably on the shitter with his alternate gallon of pudding.

Anyway, nice work, Bert.  I'd say you handle comedy quite well, and I'd be curious to read something more along the lines of a straight comedy from you.

Ahh...the inaugural review for the coveted Shelton lottery.

Thanks, Mike.  I like to get periodic reads on this one as much for the series that surrounds it as my own episode.

Once you adjust to the quirks, this is a really good series.  I wish it got more looks that it does, but then, lots of series seem to languish around here.

I also like to see what people who are already familiar with my stuff think of this one, since it is so different.  At least, I think it is.  And I think the board regulars might get a kick out of some of the inside jokes, like Fempiror and Banana Chan.  I’ll occasionally recommend it for that reason, too.  Even the character of Casey was actually a member of the boards at one time.

Looking over your comments, it is funny how quickly the pop culture references can become quite dated -- even after a few years.  How much longer will a Charizard joke be good for?  I suspect it is already a bit stale, particularly since a big part of the joke was how quickly it got stale haha.  I’ll have to remember that in the future.

More contractions, huh?  Makes sense, and given the way I write, I believe you.  I will look into that, for sure.

I’m just glad there was nothing there that made our resident comedy guy double over and wretch.  If I ever do another comedy, I suspect I might do better with a collaborator.

Thanks again, Mike.  

One review for "The Pilot"

Good opening between Kenny and Jason.  It reminded me of something I saw when I was in school where the teacher had called on one kid to name some organs on the body, and he proceeded to say "Heart, Liver" followed by a long pause of stupor.  The kid next to him whispered "Testicles, testicles" and the kid blurted it out.  He got yelled at immensely, and it was quite funny.  I need to use that some day.  Anyway, enough rambling.  I enjoyed the first scene.

The Radio DJ is a VO, and I don't think I've ever heard anything that detailed on the radio.  Then again, I don't have satellite.

I liked how you had the two of them go off their separate ways on their own adventures.  I think it helped to give the characters their own voice rather than how they are just around each other.

What's with the Tea Time with Casey thing?  Was this added later or has it always been there?  I ask because he says "I'm the reason the series ever made any headway".

Anyone, a good intro to the characters and the series.

Tea Time was my attempt at giving Casey a way to talk to people... Honestly, it is like when you sit there at your computer and have just finished and you just write something else.

It should be placed in Season 2. I wrote this pilot after Season 1 and before season 2 because I was not happy with the actual pilot.

The Radio DJ aka Fresh Boots is like the Howard Stern of the local "I don't give a shit, fire me" type of shock jock who hates his job but is getting his station publicity so they keep him around.

I pondered writing a series revolving around him after I finish Better Days. I don't know very much about radio DJ's and how stations work so it will probably never happen.

Thanks for the read.

Hey Wesley,

I read the originial pilot and found it very funny. It reminded me of Clerks. I only found the Sister's reaction to Jason's tale a bit strange. Wouldn't she punish harshly as oppose to faint? I think it would be funny to see that. The bet  to touch her boob was funny but I really didn't see the sister fainting to Jason's tale. I'll continue reading the other episdoes.

Gabe  

Hey Steven,

I liked the iScript version of the original pilot. I think the guy did a pretty god job!

Episode 10 "Hockey Night in Alberton"

Once again you manage to make funny drama. Some parts of your writing, especially the characters is very emotional and touching drama (except for Gretchen), but you put your characters in situations that makes it a comedy at the same time. That's very good I think. A lot of times, comedy writers forget about the drama part and therefore the comedy suffers, because we don't really care that much about the characters. I'm not just talking about scripts I've read that have this problem, but even produced films. Sometimes the writers seem aware that they need to have stronger characterizations for an audience to care, but often it turns out sappy to the point of cringeworthy. IMHO, you have a great balance in this series.

Starting off with a small nitpick here... A Hotel has rooms accesible from the inside where you enter a lobby first. A Motel has outdoor accessibility directly from the room. At least I think so. In other words, the Hotel in the series should probably be called a Motel.

The pot was $40 000 in the poker game?? Seems a bit high for a game between friends and John doesn't even go WOW!

You always have someone wink at the camera. I LOVE that!

I enjoyed seeing some of the characters from Banana Chan in this episode. Having read some of BC it was fun to see Banana and Buster in this one. Even the Cat with the number name that I can't remember right now.

You have CHARACTER name Adam for his dialogue, but immediately after, before he speaks it says (beat). I think the correct way would be putting beat before his name?

Boy that Gretchen really is dumb. In fact I think she might be dumber than ever in this episode.

Episode 11 "Reporting Live - The Sports Hero"

I would have liked a little more description of Ron Farmer other than just wears a trenchcoat.

You have

BARBARA
...

If she doesn't say anything, that probably doesn't need to be there.

Barbara says: Theirs nothing to talk about - there's

Ditto that for Jason's reply.

You can streamline some of the descriptions. For example, instead of writing "A cell phone begins ringing" you can write "A cellphone rings".

I thought it was funny how the intern turns down Ron, but don't hesitate for a second to go with the Mail Boy because he knows Uwe Boll.

What was the crash in the dark after Jason closes the garage door?

Also funny was Casey's commercial with him saying Craft macaronies now have 50% more fat.

I liked Paul. Somehow I kept seeing him as a giant "Oddjob" (007).

Anyway, great stuff as usual and I still think this could make a really great webseries.  

Well, I'm about to listen to the iScript version of the pilot, while looking at the script.  

(By the way, I'm taking donations now to have iScript read my series.  For information on how to donate to this noble cause, PM me.)

I wish you would have had iScript read one of the episodes that had at least one B.C. mention ... oh well.  hehe.

The MP3 of your episode is 70% downloaded, so I'll listen to it very soon.  I'll probably put it on my iPaq when I finish listening to it here.  

*getting coffee*

*now going for a good ol piss*

*pushing play*

Wow.  I'm immediately entranced by the actor's voice.  

Hilarious first scene!  This is so much funnier when an actor reads it, and wow he's talented!  He reads Kenny like Michaelangelo from TMNT, and that's funny.  Jason's read like the straight man in a comedy duo.

When Jason said, "How is your mother holding up?  I mean after the accident and all" ... When Jason said that, the actor accidentally did his female inflection.  Before that, there were minor forgiveable flaws in his perfect performance; however, that's the first flaw that is big enough to get you a discount if you ask ... try complaining, and maybe they'll give you a rebate!  Heh, if I were the actor, I would have been professional about it and I would have re-recorded that line.  Regardless, he said it well dispite the wrong inflection -- he's good even when he makes mistakes.

This is a really good situation comedy.  I'm really enjoying the humorous development of the situation.  It was a bit predictable that she'd pull out a dildo, but hilarious still because that particular joke doesn't get much air time.

The slight pause before he said "Trailer Park Boys" makes me think that he's probably an American actor who has never heard of that show previous to this recording.

"Kenny limps slowly over ..." was an hilarious line.

"Our newest field reporter Erin Cook ..."  was another hilarious line.  

Wow.  That was tight story-wise, and everything wrapped up by the end of the episode.  I loved it.  If iScript reads my stuff, I want more than one actor.  Did you pay for this, or did someone sympathise with your cause?

Quoted from Alan_Holman Did you pay for this, or did someone sympathise with your cause?

My only cause is entertainment. I never wrote this with the intention of selling it (For anyone to do but me)

Quoted from tomson You always have someone wink at the camera. I LOVE that! I would have liked a little more description of Ron Farmer other than just wears a trenchcoat. What was the crash in the dark after Jason closes the garage door? I liked Paul. Somehow I kept seeing him as a giant "Oddjob" (007).

Ron is a character from another web series called Reporting Live which can also be found on SS. (Search Bar)

I suppose he tripped over something...

Paul is based on my giant lanky God loving Christian pal... Paul. I wrote the character for him without dialogue because Paul sounds weird when he talks and I don't want to subtitle him.

As you probably know, episode 10 is the "unproduced script of the day", but since I read it just a few days ago I decided to read the last two episodes of season 1.

Better Days Episode 12 "The Quest for a Better Day Part 1

Lots of Banana Chan references in this episode. Makes me wonder, did Better Days ever appear in Banana Chan? I've only read three or four episodes of BC so far.

I'm not sure I have a lot of comments on this particular episode. It's good, but like you say yourself, a show about nothing. It feels a bit like the set up for part 2 or episode 13.

I did like how Jason forgets about Barbie at the restaurant. Haha. She should really bust his balls for that one.


Better Days Episode 13 "The Quest for a Better Day Part 2"

I think you started this episode off brilliantly by going from character to character, from dream to dream. That was REALLY good.

I just have to say that I feel sorry for Gretchen! I love her! How can you not? She's probably the dumbest carachter ever. Not much smarter than that sunflower.

Didn't take Kenny and Holly long to get aquianted did it?

Maybe because I'm older, but I like when you include John and even Ken Sr. Just adds a little something for us older folks.

Anyway, not much to harp on here. I think you have succeeded in your goal to entertain. As season one comes to an end, I can tell you with honesty that you have entertained me....even though I'm not your target audience.

Great Job!!

hey Steven,

I read the seasons. I apologize that I don't have reviews for each single episode ( I read it all together) but here's what I have overall.

I think the Notes you have written on the scripts should be implemented into the character's dialgoue. I think that would be funny. Ex. the episode in which you give the reason why you don't use Hustler or Playboy.

I think you should continue this story more, just because I want to see more tales from this. lol. It has a Clerk/Weird Science feel to it, not much Seinfeld to it though. lol.

I didn't care much about the Takashi tales. Maybe you can put that into your story somehow for a new season. Takashi vs. Better Days cast.

Other than that, I really enjoyed it. I wonder if you can tell.

That's what I got so far. Hope this helps in anyway, and sorry again for the short review.

Gabe    

Yeah I mostly wrote it for entertainment value so if you enjoyed it that is what I was going for.

I may add some more stuff along the lines of what you're talking about when I do a couple edits taking out any references to Banana Chan as the writer of that series and I are in a war of words.

Quoted Text Fuck you!

That was the last thing he said to me haha

I've written two features to go along with the series but am debating on posting them by themselves as they are heavily referencing the series but I tried to make them stand alone... who am I to say they do since I have been writing the same characters for many years.

Seinfeld claimed to be the show about nothing and I tried to make a show about even less. I am a fan of Weird Science (Movie and show) as well as Kevin Smith.

Takashi is from my failed Ninja's Curse series that only has five episodes and I have a short on here somewhere (Probably page 50 of Shorts haha) called Takashi & Friends which harbors Takashi, Elmo, Michael Jackson, Darth Vader, Yoda and other special guests all done in the same vain as this.

Thanks for the reads tho. I'm surprised someone actually dug this up after two years.

[Edit: I guess I should post the finale which has been done for awhile but since the last read was 2007 I figured what's the point]

I don't think you should remove the banana chan just somehow integrate the problem into the finale. lol. Can't wait for the finale.

The final episode of Better Days ever has been posted. It will probably change a bit once I get around to updates which I'm very slow to do so I posted it.

I am happy with the episode as it is but want to connect the two storylines throughout a little better as was mentioned in a review but I couldn't think of a way to do it so it stays this way.

The two features that accompany the series Better Days The Movie and Famous, Rich & Beautiful are either done or close to being done and after that I am done with these characters... forever.

On a side note I have added a key reference to a certain member who plays the villain in the Famous, Rich & Beautiful script which is finished.

BTW I'm enjoying the fact that people are looking at certain series. Now if only they would check out Reporting Live (Page 6) and Expect No Mercy (Page 4)

Finally the show ended. That was an ending no one expected. lol. It still had that comic charm. I didn't get the Dogg hartman joke. I thought you have added yourself in here as the man from above. Also, the strap on joke is always good but why not go through it. Why couldn't Barbara tie Jason and do it? lol. Finish everything.

Where can I read Famous, Rich & Beautiful now? I looked at the website you gave me before it didn't have it.  

Gabe.