Red and Blue: episode 1 by Ben (bigwhoop) - Short, Dramedy - A dramedy (drama/comedy) about Kylie's first week as a polcie officer with her anooying twin brother, Derik. Narrated by Kylie. 21 pages - doc, format

Red and Blue: episode 2 by Ben (bigwhoop) - Series, Dramedy - Derik loses his apartment and has to live with Kylie and Carl.  19 pages - doc, format

   Well, I first have to say that this could use a little bit of a spellcheck and some work on the grammar.  You might also want to take a little bit of time and proofread the format and structure, especially with the spacing in a few spots that I saw.

   As for the storyline goes, I've seen some very funny laugh-outloud occurences placed in very serious dramas that worked really well, ('American Beauty', for example) but, and this is just my own opinion, to me, this seemed a little too serious to be taken funny, and likewise, a little too silly to be taken seriously.

   I still think it has promise, but not without some very heavy rewrites.

   One thing that really threw it off for me though was the characterization.  I don't think any of them seemed believable.  I wish the two times I was arrested by women, they were as easy as Kylie.  Derik comes off as the same old dimestore version of a male Kelly Bundy.  And twenty-three year-old Elisa must be an extremely quick learner for someone allowed to lead autopsy investigations after only maybe, what, four years of school?  I just don't really see the characters, especially at the precinct orientation, behaving that way in something that is meant to be semi-serious.

   All these things aside, I'm still interested in where the story is going and can't wait to find out where the title 'Red and Blue' came from.

   - Mark

yeah, thanks for the feedback. I guess I succeeded a little too much with the dramedy thing. I dunno,  I'm not going for realistic all the time in this series, just most of the time. Anyway, you got anything I can read of yours?

The series starts off fairly strong as we are thrown directly into what looks to be the overriding arc of the season with these mysterious serial killings.  There's a very diverse cast of characters, which opens a series up to a variety of different stories, so the focus can change here and there.  The main characters are the twins, who don;t like each other much over something Derek did in the past.  The two lovers who have joined at the same time(? I think, I wasn;t quite clear on how long the coupl ehas known each other), the "good" cop boss, and the "bad" cop boss, the (very young) coroner to be Derke's on and off, and Kylie's boyfriend Carl (who's my main suspect).  I like the bad cop boss, actually.  He reminds me a little of Dr. Cox from Scrubs, as he may insult the cops he works with, but he obnviously seems to care.  There's some nice touches.  I liked the scene with the autopsy.  It felt real, and Derek's reaction was funny.

While I like the brisk pace, it feels in some way slike it moves too fast.  I'd like to know more about these characters.  Carl and Kylie's relationship moves awfully fast for instance.

I don't really like Kylie so far since, other than the inexplicable opening (she's asking why she's baking, and saying she could work in finance, but we have no idea where this comes from, and it never comes up again in the episode) we don't get enough character moments.  She seems really cold to her brother constantly, and it isn't until the end of the second episode that we learn why.  Another concern is the juxtaposition of drama and comedy.  The second episode opens with a very violent, graphic murder, and in the next scene is a joke about the bad cop's son getting harpooned.  It definitely threw me out of the story.

ne thing that might help is to combine the first two episodes, since they're really short, that way we get to the reason behind the way the twins treat each other, and then we can get into the story with a better grasp of the characters.

Thanks for the read! i'm hoping for a third pesiode. Got any scripts for me?