Wow! How'd I miss this one?

Anyway, this is the third entry to this One Week Challenge I've read and in the context of its guidelines, I think it could have been stronger. This didn't particularly strike me as a gothic horror. It lacked atmosphere, I think. Also, your definition of dog run seems to differ from the other two scripts I read. I won't fault you on this though. This, here, was actually what I envisioned a dog run to be: quite literally, a place where dogs run.

As its own story, I think this was very good. You did an excellent job at developing Sam's character. He's complete scum and yet he has reasons for what he does. Not good reasons, per se, but reasons nevertheless. I think you also managed to strengthen Jenny's character in the process of developing Sam's. She is also well-developed but Sam's treatment of her is really what made me feel for her. I really felt an honest desperation on her part for their relationship to work, yet, of course, it's going nowhere. The ending was brutal yet satisfying and I was really anticipating it once you forshadowed it through Jenny's sewing of the jacket. I was, however, a little disappointed though at the fact that we never find out why the dogs hate Jenny so much. No matter though. It didn't change the effect of the ending.

All in all, pretty much what I'd expected from you, Bert. A well-written, entertaining, and easy-to-read little horror story with a nice strong punch at the end. Great job, Bert.

Hey, thanks James and Fly-boy.  I was surprised to see this one -- it hasn't seen the top of the boards for quite some time.

I shuddered when I first saw that it had been bumped -- as this one met with decidedly mixed reviews -- but it gets a little extra leeway for being a one-week entrant, I think.

And I'm relieved that you guys liked it for what it was -- a gruesome little morality play that works as long as you don't examine it too closely.  Some day I'll come back to this one and try to fix some of its flaws.

But I appreciate the look, guys.  Not including the inagural one-week contest, this one was probably my favorite.  I hope we do another horror topic sometime.  Maybe Phil can make it an annual Halloween thing (that's when this one was).

I was surprised there was a Bert script I hadn't read yet. Kind of like finding a $20 bill in your pocket...or at least a $1...you know, enough to buy a soda with on your break at work.

Anyway, at a first look, this one works well enough for me. I thought Sam was well-drawn and Jenny played the subservient battered wife well. The setup was right there for the ending to pay off. So the basics of the story are definitely there and they work very well.

I don't understand what the deal with the car is. I am guessing that Sam went out and crashed it, but Jenny was able to drive something. Surely they don't have two cars and a motorcycle living in a mobile home. That lost me a bit. A bit about the importance of that pillow would be good as well since it only gives us the date of Sprink Break 1990 to go off of and Sam isn't even in the picture. Granted, it gives us a vital element that plays in later, but still...

As a whole it works very well, and shows you know how to write. When you start thinking too much about it, that's when you run into problems.

Now if I could only figure out how I missed it back in October. I know I read a ton of these scripts, but I missed Phil's too.

So you couldn't have just left it at $20 and been done with it, George?  Always nice to have you drop by on a story, though.

I'm not surprised you missed this one -- it's kind of my red-headed stepchild -- but at its core is a decent story that will be reworked someday.

As for the car, Jenny was lying.  Sam wrecked it, but it still worked just fine.  Another point that could use a little more clarity I suppose.

Could have used a bit more time with this one.  As you mention with the pillow, there is more to tell about Sam and Jenny.  Thanks for your thoughts on this one.

Good script Bert, you are one of the most reliable writers on this site; as I was reading the set up I new there was going to be a great pay off and you didn't let me down.

I loved the character of Sam, (yeah I know I'm supposed to hate him) he was the best scumbag I've come across since the great Jackie Boy in Sin City.

My only criticism is that you had those annoying green lines under some of the sentences; I don't why people submit scripts with those when they’re so easy to get rid of.

Anyway, it was a great script; I probably liked it more than Salvage which was also a darn good script. You should think about putting all your shorts together and making a feature like Creepshow out of them.

Quoted from Takeshi My only criticism is that you had those annoying green lines under some of the sentences; I don't why people submit scripts with those when they�re so easy to get rid of.

That's an artifact I get from "Word" that pops up with spell check or not.

It is annoying, though, which is why I usually use PDF.  But as this was supposed to be Anonymous, and I thought the different format might throw people off the scent.

Thanks for the comments, particularly those regarding Sam.  It is always nice to hear about "feelings" that emerged regarding a character in a short, where there isn't much room for development.

Since this one has been "woken up", I've been thinking on it more and have a few new ideas for it.  I like your "collection" idea, too.  Someday, yeah.

You can go back to watching soccer now haha.

Bert, I just finished reading your script ans just to say that it was really good. The story was fantastic, good charecter depth and really good format. I hated Sam though, Maybe everyone that reads this script will

Keep up the good work on all your scripts.

Wow, Bert, that takes me back to EC comics--"Vault of Horror", "Crypt of Terror", and "The Old Witch".

The formula worked every time. Someone mistreating someone gets their comeuppance. Always satisfying!

This is a great little entry for an EC revival. Who wouldn't want Sam to pay?!

You have the word taut typed as taught. (maybe you fixed it later). You have a few lines that repeat "the dog", where it'd sound better using "him" or "her".

Minor nitpicks. Good story! Stephen King would love it

Quoted from MonetteBooks Wow, Bert, that takes me back to EC comics...

You better watch it, Monette, or you are going to date yourself haha.  "Old man" dogglebe does that, too, sometimes.

I've drawn a lot of inspiration from those old books -- even have some boxed up somewhere.  I think that style translates well into short scripts.  While I have stopped short of actually adapting any of those old stories, when I find the time to start writing some new stuff, I probably will.  I found one a while ago that would make a dynamite script.

This piece will probably go on the block for a facelift, too.

Instead of bumping all my stuff up, I'll just give you a "blanket thanks" here for your comments over the past couple of days.

It's been a while since some of that stuff has seen the light of day.  It's appreciated.

dude that was fucking epic
good work
well written
i want to see it made
muchlove, jayden

Well, thank you, Jayden.

While I am not entirely sure how a 10-page short constitutes an epic, your sentiments are most appreciated nevertheless.

Thanks for taking a few moments to let me know you liked it.  I think this one needs a bit of work -- but I also think this one is a bit under-rated -- and I appreciate your looking.