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Charlotte and The Camel's Toe by Helio J Cordeiro - Short - Agadir, in Morocco will be small to hold together a sensual secret agent, a Nazi officer, an unscrupulous mercenary and Bedouins all fighting in order to catch a powerful amulet. 16 pages - pdf, format
I�ve told you before that you are my favorite quirky writer here, well I might just bump you up to funny as well.
I�ll be honest with you and tell you that I had my reservations after reading the title, but someone told me I should read this and I�m glad I did.
Yeah, there were a couple of moments where the language got stronger than I�m used to from you and I would probably like to see that toned down. Everyone else here, would prolly think it�s just fine, but I�m the conservative sort so��.
First of all I’d like to thanks Kevan R Craft for help me to make this script more understandable and an easy English reading.
Tomson, kid, I love when you talk about work – sincere and direct. I’m sorry about some type of words they are part of our daily vocabulary around there. My work was made to everybody in every age and quirkiness is my nature. I didn’t mean to be disrespectable with anyone. Anyway thanks once more, kid!
PS There were two comments from Tomson what happen with the other?!!! Strange!
I’m sorry about some type of words they are part of our daily vocabulary around there. My work was made to everybody in every age and quirkiness is my nature. I didn’t mean to be disrespectable with anyone.
Helio, I wasn't refering to dialogue. I know some people curse a lot when speaking, but you used a** and c*** in your descriptions. I'd say that's a no, no.
Haha! This was very bizzare but amusing. I got a kick out of the fact that the phrase "camel's toe" more often than not actually referred to, well, a camel's toe and not "the other thing" as is to be expected. I enjoyed the twist as well. I think there was a little too much a** and c*** in the action lines (the phrase "his ass sticks up in the air" sounds a lot like "we see her ass in the moonlight," which isn't a similarity you want in your script if you know what I mean). You do have a knack for this kind of thing but it still doesn't sound very good. Also, the Arabic exclaimations were a little weird. I can see they mean something but it would help to have some expressions or actions from their speakers that would give some idea of what they mean. Other than that, good job. Keep up the quirky stuff (or not, it's your choice ).
The life of Camel's Toe seems to be very short. It is going to the botton the board line and as soon as it will go to the limbo. A pit! Bye Charlotte...Hey, hey rest yet a hope!!! The light at the tunnel's end!!! Hey guys how about a sequel:
After reading your other script("Kowabunga"), I have to say this one was much more enjoyable. It had its funny parts and the randomness(lol) kept the story interesting. Yeah, bizarre and quirky is a good way to describe this. Although I prefer drama-ish scripts, this one was fun enough to keep me interested. =P
Visitor G - (Short/Drama, 27 pgs, pdf) - A man is kidnapped by someone who knows too much about him.
Weird, weird story that seemed to slolom between being in the time and using more modern speech. Still, it's a fun piece of work and the ending does tie everything together very well. I agree that using a** in the decriptions kind of...cheapens the festivities. But I can be a bit of a prude at times.