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Five Minutes (currently 3048 views) |
Don |
Posted: July 24th, 2006, 8:23pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16431 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
Five Minutes by David Bussell - Short, Drama - {no summary} 1 page - doc, format |
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------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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greg |
Posted: July 24th, 2006, 8:43pm |
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Old Timer Oh Hi
LocationSan Diego, California Posts1680 Posts Per Day 0.24 |
The only thing I can attribute to this is that it's either a commercial against smoking or promoting smoking. I really don't know. 1 page...that's gotta be a record low.
That's really all I have to say...or can say for that matter. |
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George Willson |
Posted: July 24th, 2006, 9:15pm |
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Of The Ancients Doctor who? Yes, quite right.
LocationBroken Arrow Posts3591 Posts Per Day 0.51 |
I figured, one page...I'll bite. It feels like a piece of something. Like you could play this as a teaser and then flashback to the beginning and explain how we got to this point.
It does demonstrate that you are a good writer, but it leaves me wanting more. |
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dogglebe |
Posted: July 24th, 2006, 10:13pm |
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I get the idea that this script is about how smokers are responsible for the end of the world. I found it silly.
Phil |
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Jonathan Terry |
Posted: July 24th, 2006, 10:27pm |
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New Co-Founder of The ImagiNation
LocationSpartanburg, SC Posts149 Posts Per Day 0.02 |
I think people are looking this wrong. I think the writer is not implying that smoking killed everyone. Its almost like the Rapture has taken place (for those that know what I'm refering to). Everyone's dissappeared and then the lighting of a cigerette caused the end of the world?
Okay, maybe I DON'T know what the author was trying to say here. Of course, its hard to decipher a script's meaning when it is only 1 page long and contains 2 lines of dialogue. |
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michel |
Posted: July 25th, 2006, 7:07am |
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Old Timer
LocationFrance Posts1156 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
Or is it the condemned man's last cigarette? Michel |
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Reply: 5 - 17 |
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david_bussell |
Posted: July 25th, 2006, 9:02am |
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LocationLondon Posts13 Posts Per Day 0.00 |
Hello all, thanks for your comments.
I understand the script is very curt (it was written that way to abide by the rules of a competition) but I'm surprised at the ways in which people have misinterpreted it.
For the record, it isn' t pro or anti anything, and religion doesn't come into it.
Michel came closest with his comment.
Although it's not made explicit, at the beginning of the story the man has just finished watching the Five Minute warning (hence the title) on the TV. In his last moments he decides he wants a cigarette. That's about the strength of it. It's really that simple, or at least I thought so.
Perhaps I could make it clearer by having some pedestrians running amok, but I liked the piece as a two hander.
Regards,
David
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bert |
Posted: July 25th, 2006, 9:38am |
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AdministratorBuy the ticket, take the ride
LocationThat's me in the corner Posts4233 Posts Per Day 0.61 |
Ha. Yeah, the best one-page script I've ever read.
But I wouldn't have enjoyed this nearly as much without your explanation -- both about its meaning and the fact that you were actually confined to a single page while writing it.
My favorite part is peeling off the smoker's patch. That small detail -- that ties to the ruined cigarettes we first see in the trash bin -- makes the whole piece for me.
Who would have thought you could foreshadow in a single-page script? |
| Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb! |
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Parker |
Posted: July 25th, 2006, 10:50am |
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New Yes
LocationEngland Posts278 Posts Per Day 0.04 |
Very, very good. That's all I can say really. Like Bert, I wouldn't have enjoyed as much without the explanation. I would be lying if I said I 'got' it but it was written nicely and for one page it really is great.
Nice one. Keep writing. |
| I may be an idiot, but I'm no idiot. |
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James Fields |
Posted: July 25th, 2006, 12:35pm |
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LocationSeattle Posts133 Posts Per Day 0.02 |
This script is a very short one indeed, but if you got the message. It can be very powerful. Good job, just make it longer next time you post something. |
| Coming Soon:
I finally found the title for my short.
Acronym- You've been warned...
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Reply: 9 - 17 |
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marshallamps12 |
Posted: July 25th, 2006, 9:03pm |
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That was interesting. I'd also be lying if I said I understood it. I had trouble understanding your writing style for some reason, also. It's not bad, though. Intriguing. |
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Heretic |
Posted: July 25th, 2006, 9:32pm |
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January Project Group
LocationVancouver, British Columbia, Canada Posts2023 Posts Per Day 0.28 |
I think this is a very worthy entry for what I assume is a one-minute film competition. Good atmosphere, nice pacing. Good work. |
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Reply: 11 - 17 |
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david_bussell |
Posted: July 26th, 2006, 5:14am |
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LocationLondon Posts13 Posts Per Day 0.00 |
Thank you for your kind words.
Perhaps the difficulty people are having with my writing style is that I'm English. I put this up on another forum (mainly American) and one reader managed to confuse the Vagrant with a Vicar. It makes for a very different story I think, and maybe adds to the sense that the story is a religious parable of some kind. Certainly no-one I've had read it in this country has mentioned theology at any point, but there again maybe that's because we're such a godless bunch over here.
Regards,
David |
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philipkd |
Posted: July 31st, 2006, 12:52am |
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The meander is deep. The choice of imagery--the pram on the zebra crossing, a dog for the blind with a leash in the gutter, etc.--is all unique, unifying, yet doesn't cross the line into the farcical. And yes, the smoker's patch is a winner. I can see this. |
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david_bussell |
Posted: July 31st, 2006, 5:52am |
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LocationLondon Posts13 Posts Per Day 0.00 |
Thank you, Philip, glad you liked it. |
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Joe Allen Barniak |
Posted: August 1st, 2006, 11:52pm |
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wow all that on one page...im so proud of you. |
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david_bussell |
Posted: August 2nd, 2006, 9:45am |
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LocationLondon Posts13 Posts Per Day 0.00 |
Likewise, thank you, Joe.
All the best,
David |
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Helio |
Posted: August 2nd, 2006, 1:15pm |
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Old Timer Better to die with vodka than with tedium!
Posts1284 Posts Per Day 0.19 |
David, I'm sorry I didn't get it...This one could be called: Apocalyptical Tobacco! |
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