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Simple Discussion About Time Travel, A by Robert Skotte (sniper) - Short - Four friends enjoy a night of poker. That is until the conversation turns to Time Travel and who John Connor's original father was. 10 pages - pdf, format
I gave this one a look, because the Terminator time travel paradox is a favorite pass-time of mine (don't ask).
It's a pretty simple piece. I imagine you had fun writing this one in no time at all. Bearing in mind my bias to you subject matter, I found it an amusing little tale, albeit with no point at all.
Didn't really bother me, but It would've been nice with a serious punchline in the end, so it doesn't just read as a cut scene from a Tarantino movie. For lack of a better reference.
At one point, during the elaboration of time-travel, the dialogue sort of sounded like something out of those educational 'school' videos from the 70's (cf. Troy McClure and 'Billy' from the Simpsons: "So meat is good for you after all, Mr. McClure? - that's right, Billy, and here's why..."), but at that point you had already fleshed out the characters sufficiently for a short this length, so it wasn't really a nuissance as such.
There's not much to gripe at. I enjoyed it for what it was. I assume you don't plan any re-writes? Or am I wrong?
"The Flux capacitor. It's what makes time travel possible."
Thanks for the read. You are absolutely right, this one took me no time, about 4-5 hours and no, I'm not planning any re-writes.
The reason why I wrote this is was becuase I was writing the fourth episode of my Aliens Series and got totally stuck. I couldn't the story to roll, took me 10 hours to write a couple of words. But I wanted to get something on paper so I just started writing this and it this is what came of it - it was almost like a jam session, just throwing ideas around.
Well, anyway, I thought it turned out pretty funny.
Cheers Rob
Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
umm i dont know what to say, this is basically about nothing but it is well written, the banter between the friends in the beginning is very good and the story flowed nicely, i mean it is a little bizarre how they began talking about time travel but its all good when the script is completely random as is this one.
Thank you for the read. Yeah, this script pretty much just shows about 10 minuttes of four guys sitting around talking. It's like we step into the house - stay 10 minutes and then leave.
Also, like Death Monkey, I'm pretty facinated with the 'Terminator Time Travel Paradox'.
Hey, maybe I should change the title...
Cheers Rob
Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
this was a cool, simple short. It was well written and the dialogue was lean and to the point, It avoided reading like a lot of scripts that sound like people talking at each other, but instead each line of a characters dialogue progressed the story forward. The characters reacted well of each others comments. The only joke that didn't work for me was Montells "fall in love with your grandfather" line, besides that everything was good.
I guess, I'm just piggybacking on everyone else's review tonight, looking at whatever's at the top of the portal.
Anyway, I enjoyed this. The random non-sensical dialogue just reminded me of something I would pop into one of my scripts. How could I not like that?
Now on to grammar police mode. The only thing that threw me off were two lines where you had.
"The ones that doesn't suck".
If you break it down and remove the contraction, it would be "The ones that does not suck", which doesn't make too much sense. it would read better as don't.
It's meager stuff, but I figured I'd toss it out there.
Anyway, nice work. I really enjoyed how the terminator theory got progressively more complicated as it went on.
Really cool dialogue. I read somewhere that 90% of screenplays fail due to poor dialogue, so if you could bring this level of authenticity to a feature you would have a real competitive edge.
Hey Rob, i liked this one! I probably would have enjoyed it more if I knew how to play poker, but i still enjoyed it none the less. I love how you take a random topic(time travel) and just toss it into your story. It works surprisingly well, and story seemed realistic because of the randomness of it. The dialogue was good for the most part, although I did find some of Riddick's a little over the top. Descriptions were nice and the format was tight. Overall, a pretty solid script that leaves little room to improve.
The dialgoue was great but there wasn't a story unless the poker game was the obstacle but for which one. I think it should be Shannon since I got the vibe that Shannon had done this time travel before prob for the poker game or some thing grander. That could be something interesting to explore.
Shannon? I never heard that name used for a guy before. Not critizing just didn't know about it.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Sniper, Was interested in seeing where you went with this. Anyways, was a good experiment in dialogue. I laughed out loud a few times. I also loved the fact that they are all white dudes talking like tough gangsters. Funny.