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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Mister D. Moderators: bert
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colkurtz8
Posted: April 8th, 2010, 3:46am Report to Moderator
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Darren

These were fun reads. I liked the two part continuous nature of it, plays like a web series. And by the way "Mister D Conundrum" ended it looks like  there is more to come. I wonder how much mileage can be got from it however before the concept eventually wears thin.

Mister D's nonchalant, everyman attitude remains me what Family Guy done with the same character, there is a lot of comedic value to derived out of that ironic twist and you done a good job of it here. I can't help thinking that the interviewer is going to play a more significant part in a future episode, either he gets clipped himself or assists in the death of the particular person Mister D has come to claim.

Nice job, keep it up.

Col.


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Gaara
Posted: April 8th, 2010, 11:12am Report to Moderator
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Thanks, I actually always planned Mister D. to be a short trilogy (possibly a 4 parter depending) but never seemed to get around to writing the final part(s), which I really think is a shame and time for me to put right


check out episodes 1 - 3 of Mister D.
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colkurtz8
Posted: April 8th, 2010, 12:01pm Report to Moderator
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I've just realised now that they were posted over two years, I presumed they were new on the site.

Anyway, a trilogy does sound right for it. It definitely needs a final episode to round things up.


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Gaara
Posted: April 11th, 2010, 6:36pm Report to Moderator
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mister d part 3 is up


check out episodes 1 - 3 of Mister D.
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Gaara
Posted: April 16th, 2010, 8:17am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from colkurtz8
I've just realised now that they were posted over two years, I presumed they were new on the site.

Anyway, a trilogy does sound right for it. It definitely needs a final episode to round things up.


Ya they are pretty old but don't let that put you off reading and critiquing them.

Also, just to let you know that I will be submitting part 4 (the final part) in the next couple of days in which a truth about the whole thing is finally revealed.  

In the meantime if anyone has anything to say about part 3 it would be nice to hear from you





check out episodes 1 - 3 of Mister D.
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jackx
Posted: April 18th, 2010, 1:15am Report to Moderator
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Episode 3:

interviewers first dialogue is pretty awkward, and I believe to should be too.
kinda awkward explanation of how mr d is everywhere, is this really necessary?

hmmm, didnt do much for me, not sure if its because I didnt read the first couple.  Lot of long winded talk, then random life threatening event and mr d gives in and gives us a happy ending.
There wasn't really much of a punch line or anything.  Is this one just kinda setting up for four?  it doesnt feel like its really a complete idea on its own.

I guess I'll have to read the previous parts and see if that helps.


Mine:
HARD CASE
            (65 Pages) Stealing the case is just the beginning...

APU
            (80 pages) A city where superheroes are murderers and villains walk through walls...
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Gaara
Posted: April 18th, 2010, 5:41pm Report to Moderator
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First thanks for the read

The interviewers dialogue is awkward not just because of who he is talking to but what almost happened in part 2.  

The explaination of how Mr D is everywhere is probably as important as the rest of what he talks about which is really what the whole show is about...his job and how he goes about it.  It really is just an interview and people would want to know if there is one Mr D then how could he take so many souls at the same time.

The happy ending comes as a shock because Mr D previously says he always sticks to the rules of his job no matter what...and he breaks them, mainly because of what  the Interviewer asked in part 2

and yes it is leading to part 4, they all are.


check out episodes 1 - 3 of Mister D.
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jackx
Posted: April 22nd, 2010, 9:09pm Report to Moderator
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Alright, I guess that makes sense.  Not trying to say it wasn't well written or anything, just that single section didnt really work as its own piece.

So anyone looking to get into these, I would suggest you start at the beginning, as opposed to what I did.

Are you planning on keeping these as episodes or compiling them into a longer short?


Mine:
HARD CASE
            (65 Pages) Stealing the case is just the beginning...

APU
            (80 pages) A city where superheroes are murderers and villains walk through walls...
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