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This is the second time reading a tooth fairy type of a story. But sadly it wasn't much of a story but a scene more like it, in IMO. This was probably for a contest with certain parameters but I would like to know more about this tale such as how did the lepercuan get the tooth. I would admit though for a two page script that it was funny especially with the lepercuan cursing the giant.
Hope this helps, Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
No it wasn't for any type of contest, just a crazy thought. I intend to make this a longer script. Placed it here for a quick read and feedback; this will allow me to judge whether it deserves a longer script.
It never ceases to amaze me that you always have a fairy tale to tell. This one was nicely original and cute. Expand it, lose the dream, and give Zigwart a rip-roaring adventure.
Hey elis, I was drawn to the strange name of this script.
I enjoyed it but it felt incomplete. The beginning was great with Zigwart and the giant, and although his dog waking him up was lead to the ending of 'it was a dream', I was left wondering what it was really about? The dream of getting a big gold tooth? I good effort but I wanted a bit more. Look forward to the series then.
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I liked this until I found out it was just a dream. I think you do fairy tale stories real well. I for one would like to see this longer than one page and a few lines. Why not have Zigwart and Kito go on some big adventure and run into the giant. I think you could make that into a fun enjoyable ride.
Interesting premise. The old screenwriting rule is that you start a scene late and leave it early. I think you took that advice too firmly to heart here. How did he get the tooth? What unpleasantness did he have to endure, being in a giant's mouth long enough to pull a tooth and all? I think there is a mine of interesting possibilities open to you prior to this scene.
Definitely build upon it... and build backwards. It'd be interesting to see what got us here. I do agree with a previous poster, lose the dream.
a dream - in such a small script - justifies not placing the extra information that led to the tooth extraction. Dropping the dream in a longer version is a good idea.
The only problem with this script is that it was rushed, and rushed i an almost obscene way. I wonder how many people actually gave any thought where leprechauns got their gold and you came up with a very original answer to it.
You should rewrite this, if possible, into a feature length script. You can do a lot with it.
Thanks Phil, It was a zany idea and it has grown on me. A rewrite is a must and if it calls for a feature, then so be it. Will sit and give it some serious thought.
Tough to comment on a story so short but I'll try. I like these fantasy tales anyway.
The line 'You're breath reeks' somehow doesn't ring true to me. If a giant was trying to eat me I think I'd have other concerns than the state of his breath. I only mention this because it weakens the dramatic component of your story - makes it seem like he wasn't in any real danger.
I'd say for a story like this just about anything is fair game to be exploited for a laugh, just makes sure to treat the actual adventure itself seriously.
Hope I'm not sounding too preachy. I enjoyed it.
"If at first, the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it." - Albert Einstein