Hey Z,

What an engaging story, kept me glued the entire time. The story, well more the moral of the story, reminded me of the holy grail paradox from the third instalment of Indiana Jones.

I agree with Ayham about the knight's dialogue, it might sound a bit modern but I actually like that (unless you didn't do that on purpose). It makes him sound more like a cowboy than anything else.

Other than that, I'm afraid don't have anything to add.

Very good work here.

Cheers
Rob

Quoted from sniper it might sound a bit modern but I actually like that (unless you didn't do that on purpose)

As long as you like it, yeah, I did it on purpose

Thanks for the read, Rob.

Matias

Another fantastic script, you really have a handle on these super short shorts. This obviously couldn't be done as a live action but would be excellent as animation.

Similarily to "The Black Rose Garden" is this passing on of ones burden that you deal with. The penance of somebody is lifted if they find a way to (in this case) transfer their troubles onto somebody else who falls victim to the same fate or weakness i.e depression, greed, lust, etc

Great ending, never for one second during the scripts could I fathom where it was going next. I'm not usually one for fantasy, scorcery, wizards, dragons and all that but I really got into the world you created here.

As I said with your "Black Rose..." script the description were excellent very florid and rich yet never too wordy or gratuitous. Personally I can learn a lot from you in that respect.

Another super job, gonna check out that short of yours on youtube when I get a chance too.

Well done

Col.

Hey, thanks for reading this one and "Garden". Much appreciated.

Believe it or not, a producer in Australia wanted to do this one live action.
http://www.scallywagspictures.com/towerofdesire/index.html

It's been long since I got any updates, which is understandable considering the current economic crisis and the budget. But at least I got to see some cool storyboards.

Thanks again.

Matias,

I enjoyed this short very much.
Your strong use of voice over from the start pulled me right in.
I think I heard Cate Blanchett's voice in my head for this, heh.
I miss the allegorical qualities of early fantasy tales.
It seems as of late Hollywood has turned its back on these kind of life lessons.
I'm not sure the slight of hand part was necessary, bout you recovered with a strong end.
I'm unsure as to why the Tower needed to have a guardian.
But it sounded cool, so I didn't care much to delve into why.
Fun read employing classic fairy tale elements in an engaging narrative.
Good show!

Regards,
E.D.

Thanks for the read, E.D. It's good to know you dig fantasy too.  

I saved this onto my hard drive. I hope you don't mind, Mr. Z. It's that good.

I liked it mainly because it was fairytale-ish, with a hint of 300 (as to that, I have no idea why. It just feels like that.) Yet it was not meant only for children. I think that this is meant for a very wide audience. People of varying age groups can appreciate this kind of writing.

Your descriptions are very good. I wish I could write like that.

No major gripes. I won't criticize you for the voice over. I have no right since my last script was full of V.O's that just didn't sit well with the piece. I think your V.O's are justified since FANTASY themed shorts or movies generally have either a hot female narrator or a hyper masculine man's man.

Minor question: Drake's hands are still burnt, does that mean he just recently tamed the dragon?

And yet another minor question: I've noticed you space actions after every one or two sentences. Is that a good rule of thumb or is it just your style? Just curious. Still learning the fundamentals of writing.

In closing, I'd like to say that this was the best fantasy script I've read to date. It would be awesome if someone made this into a short movie. Good job. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Thanks for the read, Robb. Always pleased by a 300 reference. One of my favorite movies.

Regarding Drake's wounds... yes you are correct... taming dragons is a dangerous profesion and their medical plan doesn't cover reconstructive surgery.  

This is no "rule", but I try to never go over three lines when writing descriptions. Having white on the page makes the read faster and it's always a plus (some writers use 4 lines as limit).

Cheers.