The Tower of Wishes by Matias Caruso (mr. z) - Short, Fantasy - Hell has many gates. Lust and greed are two of them. 7 pages - pdf, format

Thanks for posting this, Don.

Bert, if you're around here, could you please change "Action" to "Fantasy"? Thanks.

This was amazing! I'm glad that you won.

Wow, this was a interesting little short. Technically, it was all good. Formatting, spelling, grammer, etc. were all top notch, so well done in that regard. The story was really well told, it was quick and concise, but its short length didn't damage your themes or messages. The ending was brilliant, I won't give anything away, but I really enjoyed how everything played out.

Anyway, a fun and very interesting read. Good writing, good story, good time. Really well done.


Matt.

Hey Matius.  You're sure churning out these shorts of yours in abundance.

Like your others that I've read, you paint a vivid picture here with your words, so much so it's hard to believe english isn't your second language.  

There are a few things though that left me scratching my head after reading this (interestingly, they all occur on page 5).  Firstly, after Drake chooses the button there is a very awkward transition you have here with the insertion of a new scene header indicating 'Later'.  I'm not sure what this passage of time is supposed to indicate.  It was a little odd.  You might consider fixing this, or possibly removing it all together.

The other point I was unsure about  was when you indicate that Drake's feet are chained to the floor.  A moment later you say that they are no longer chained, yet you have him take his sword and swing madly at them.  I was starting to lose track of what's what - are they still chained?  I wasn't sure.  Again, I should mention that I'm a little unclear of your intention here.  Perhaps I'm just not seeing it.

Lastly (don't worry; my last quibble here) - your wording of how the coin, button and ring fall to the floor - you say ' it slips into his pocket.  But falls to the floor.'  That makes it seem like he has a hole in his pocket or something.  If that's not your intention then why not just simply say 'They slip from his fingers and fall to the floor' - it just sounds a little clearer this way.  

I know it sounds like I'm picking this all apart.  I actually enjoyded it.  I like the morale - careful what you wish for.  As well the visual aspect of your writing really stands out.

-Mike

Beautifully written.  I have to admit being mezmerized by the descriptions and the telling of the story, knowing there woul dbe a twist in the end similar to what transpired.

This was definitely a fantasy piece, without two hundred pages about elves singing, and the visual of Drake's arrival fit all the pieces of the genre.  I wonder if there is a way to do this without the voiceover, as that was the part I liked the least.  Maybe it was my reading, but it felt like an advertisement.  That seems a little nitpickey though, considering how much I enjoyed the rest of the piece on the whole.

Quoted from bert Those Argentenians can be so demanding.....

Bleh, that’s an easy fix that bert jr. could do while his old man watches the football game and sips some beer.  >

Quoted from Absteel This was amazing! I'm glad that you won.

Thanks Austin! Glad you like it man.

Quoted from Chism Wow, this was a interesting little short. Technically, it was all good. Formatting, spelling, grammer, etc. were all top notch, so well done in that regard. The story was really well told, it was quick and concise, but its short length didn't damage your themes or messages. The ending was brilliant, I won't give anything away, but I really enjoyed how everything played out. Anyway, a fun and very interesting read. Good writing, good story, good time. Really well done.

Thanks a lot Matt. Know that the first version did have the usual grammar and spelling problems, but readers at moviepoet spotted them, so I was able to correct them before submitting here.

Quoted from mgj There are a few things though that left me scratching my head after reading this (interestingly, they all occur on page 5).  Firstly, after Drake chooses the button there is a very awkward transition you have here with the insertion of a new scene header indicating 'Later'.  I'm not sure what this passage of time is supposed to indicate.  It was a little odd.  You might consider fixing this, or possibly removing it all together. The other point I was unsure about  was when you indicate that Drake's feet are chained to the floor.  A moment later you say that they are no longer chained, yet you have him take his sword and swing madly at them.  I was starting to lose track of what's what - are they still chained?  I wasn't sure.  Again, I should mention that I'm a little unclear of your intention here.  Perhaps I'm just not seeing it. Lastly (don't worry; my last quibble here) - your wording of how the coin, button and ring fall to the floor - you say ' it slips into his pocket.  But falls to the floor.'  That makes it seem like he has a hole in his pocket or something.  If that's not your intention then why not just simply say 'They slip from his fingers and fall to the floor' - it just sounds a little clearer this way.

Hey mike, thanks for checking this out man. You make a good point about that LATER transition. I’m starting to think that it didn’t pass enough time in order to put it there. Removing it seems the way to go, thanks for the suggestion.

About the other quibbles, it seems that I seriously screwed up with my wording in the last pages, haha. Drake’s feet are suddenly chained to the floor, that’s correct. But they remain chained till the end of the story. The feet that are no longer chained are the guardian’s (they were chained when Drake entered the chamber).

The button, the coin and the ring slip from Drake’s hand into his pocket. But they remain there. The one who falls to the floor is Drake himself, when he tries to walk away without realizing that his feet are now chained.

Hope that made sense. And I’m glad you enjoyed this.

Quoted from EBurke73 I wonder if there is a way to do this without the voiceover, as that was the part I liked the least.

You’re not alone in this one, many readers commented on this same issue. I went with the V.O. narration because I was working for a contest’s a tight page limit and needed to establish things fast. As this comment pops up again and again, I’m starting to think that there might be better ways to dramatize the opening, maybe by telling the story from one of the climber’s POV until Drake arrives. Thanks for your comments.

This was really terrific if I do say so myself. Having read your previous two scripts, I'm honestly in awe how you can come up with some of this stuff. Anyway, I really liked this one. It's amazing how little seems to happen and how much actually happens within the chamber. Outside the chamber, you barely need to show anything. The picture you've painted of the tower just about tells you everything you need to know.

The only thing I wasn't sure about was the dragon. This isn't a nitpick per se. I'm just asking for clarification. Maybe you'll want to incorporate it into your script if it isn't as simple as I suspect it might be. Is the dragon another obstacle at the top of the tower, as Drake's cloven helmet suggests, or did he actually come in on the dragon? This isn't really something that stood at as a glaring error but it caught my attention. Just curious.

mgj caught the continuity errors so other than my previous comment, I really didn't find anything wrong with this one. I really enjoyed it. Great job, Matias.

Quoted from Mr.Z Bleh, that’s an easy fix that bert jr. could do while his old man watches the football game and sips some beer.

Who's old?  And who sips??  I'm offended on so many levels...


This is wonderful work, Z.  Poetic, and reminiscent of Aesop.  Your grasp of the language is quite remarkable, and it continues to improve.  However it is that you are studying, continue to do it, as it really serves you well.

Personally, I have no problem with the V.O.  She sets things up for us, then departs, then returns briefly at the end to wrap things up.  She serves as a bookend of sorts, and I think it suits the piece.  It is not exposition so much as it is an integral piece of the story, and it is not overused here.  I say keep it.

Barbed wire as reins is a wonderful image.  But I would not give the Guardian an age.  I would simply describe him as ancient, or use words to that effect.

The few descriptive hiccups you've got near the end are easy fixes.  Fix them, but I would recommend that you do little else to this tale.  And seldom does a work deserve that kind of feedback.  It's a great piece, Z.

Hey Matias,
This was really well executed. I usually stay far, far away from fantasy stories, but this was much different, I didn't feel guilty or geeky for liking it.
The intitial visual of the Tower/climbers was the perfect set up. Also liked the way the story conveyed the theme without bashing the reader over the head with it. No major critiques on anything, good work!

Normally I'm not into fantasy, but I gotta admit, in 6 pages, you had me hooked bud.

Here's my minor notes:

On page 2 *3*

He stares at it as if looking at a smelly pile of horseshit.  In descriptions, that seems like a bit much man.  I mean it fits and all, but I'd fix up on the wording a little.  Unless you're the screenwriter for Lethal Weapon, ha, I'd recommend avoiding using profanity in description, because it's a bit vague, I mean we all know that means he's sickened by the sight, but you gotta be sure the actor has an objective script to work with, know what I mean?

Your message in the end, "He who makes his way to the guardian of wishes shall never  need lust of riches or women again."  You could see the greed Drake had when he made his way to the top, wanting women and the riches, he didn't want to be alone, but he didn't want to be poor, so he tries for the best of both worlds, like the guardian himself once did, now he is appreciative that he can finally be free.  And your message, which is what I interpreted, "Greed imprisons us" truly shows in the end, and I think you did a truly fantastic job at sharing your message to the readers.  

Excellent work Mr.Z, keep up the excellent work.  

Quoted from James McClung Is the dragon another obstacle at the top of the tower, as Drake's cloven helmet suggests, or did he actually come in on the dragon?

The Dragon is just Drake’s transport. The burnt hands and claw marks in his face were meant to hint that it wasn’t easy to tame this beast. That he had to pay a price for the wings that helped him get on top of the tower. It’s hitting me now… that this tiny details might be too tiny to suggest all that I want them to suggest.

In my first draft, the narrator explained this and delved deeper into Drake’s back story but I had to trim it down due to moviepoet’s page restriction.

Thanks for your comments, James. As always, they’re both helpful and thought provoking. And I’m glad you enjoyed this piece.

Quoted from sipping old man Personally, I have no problem with the V.O.  She sets things up for us, then departs, then returns briefly at the end to wrap things up.  She serves as a bookend of sorts, and I think it suits the piece.  It is not exposition so much as it is an integral piece of the story, and it is not overused here.  I say keep it.

I’m kind of torn about this one. Of the readers that specifically commented on the opening, there’s a few that liked it, but most found the V.O. a bit tedious. I know I could do a different opening without the narration but I’ve got no idea how could I end this tale without the narration to round its theme. Maybe the V.O. is just a necessary evil in here.

Quoted from sipping old man But I would not give the Guardian an age.  I would simply describe him as ancient, or use words to that effect.

I did struggle with the guardian’s age. Putting a number after his name felt a bit like removing the mysticism surrounding this figure. I like your suggestion.

Thanks for the feedback, bert. It’s greatly appreciated. I can see you’ve got an horror short coming soon. Looking forward to it.

Quoted from n7 This was really well executed. I usually stay far, far away from fantasy stories, but this was much different, I didn't feel guilty or geeky for liking it.

Thanks a lot for the read and I’m I thrilled that you enjoyed it despite that fantasy stories are not your cup of tea. But make no mistake, if you like it, you’re officially geeky.  

Quoted from Kamran Nikhad He stares at it as if looking at a smelly pile of horseshit.  In descriptions, that seems like a bit much man.  I mean it fits and all, but I'd fix up on the wording a little.

The first draft had a bit more of profanity in descriptions. I had a couple of readers at moviepoet that make the same comment you did. The “horseshit” line is the last one, and it will probably go as well. You’ve got a point. This kind of vulgar slang doesn’t seem to match with the fantastic/archaic setting I try to create.

Quoted from Kamran Nikhad And your message, which is what I interpreted, "Greed imprisons us" truly shows in the end, and I think you did a truly fantastic job at sharing your message to the readers.

I’m glad you got the message right (usually the trickiest part to write). That’s exactly what I meant. Thanks a lot for checking this out and for the helpful suggestions.

Hello Mr. Z, just finished reading your screenplay. I am probably repeating what people have said in the past, but this script blew me away. It flowed together perfectly, the conversation between the guardian and Drake was great, and your descriptions were very good as well. And I actually felt the greed in Drake's personality.

Like I said, people have probably already stated what I said, but I felt the the need to write a full review just like everybody else.

Great job with this script! You created a wonderful idea and wrote a powerful screenplay.

In case someone doesn't already know this, but this script placed first out of 53 scripts last month at MoviePoet. It had the highest score ever! 4.5 out of 5 possible and it was the first time ever I gave a 5 and I've read several hundred scripts there by now. (all scoring is anonymous btw)

Great Job "Beast from the East"!!

Great piece, Mr. Z...Vivid descriptions that are poetic without being overbearing...These scenes seem flow effortlessly out of the keyboard...Loved the barbed wire dragon reins and the great pile of knights below the tower.

Agree with the horse"crap" comment, this line kind of threw me as well. It doesn't fit with the rest of the short.

Glad to be accompanied, but poor.

Joe

Quoted from tomson In case someone doesn't already know this, but this script placed first out of 53 scripts last month at MoviePoet. It had the highest score ever! 4.5 out of 5 possible and it was the first time ever I gave a 5 and I've read several hundred scripts there by now. (all scoring is anonymous btw) Great Job "Beast from the East"!!

Wow, congrats Mr. Z. I don't know you, but that is still a remarkable feat! Do you have any other screenplays on here?

Quoted from Pia Great Job "Beast from the East"!!

Thanks “Mouth form the South”!  

Quoted from Phife Wow, congrats Mr. Z. I don't know you, but that is still a remarkable feat! Do you have any other screenplays on here?

Welcome to the site Phife. Thanks a lot for reading my script and for your feedback. I’ve got some other shorts posted in this site. None of them received such good response like this one so read at your own risk, haha, they might be a let down. “Fear is the Key” and “Side Effects” are posted in the short section.

Let me know when you post a short of yours, I will gladly check it out.

Quoted from Blakkwolfe Glad to be accompanied, but poor.

I’d rather be rich and alone.

Thanks for checking this out, man. And thanks for the suggestion; the horseshit line will be gone soon.

I told my friends that if they ever want to find me, look for the closest Fantasy book, and I'll be on the other side of the earth.  Our earth.  So I don't even know why I gave this a second glance when I was going down the list.  (Maybe because the title reminded me of 'The Dark Tower' from Stephen King, which I actually did read.  So I opened it expecting a little short about Roland and his friends.)

I have to admit, like everybody else on this board, I really did like it a lot.  And congratulations on winning that contest.

I know that the very first thing they teach in screenwriting books and seminars is "God help you if you use a voiceover, scribes!"  I say f*ck them.  It's your story and you tell it how you want to.  (How many of those authors and teachers have Oscars, anyway?)  With that particular story, I think you're right, it called for one, and making her voice a whisper added a certain sexiness, I think.

The descriptions were vivid and I did like that a lot.

You've definately caught my attention, Matias, but I ain't running to the sci-fi section of the library just yet.  :-)  I will keep a look out for your name on here, though.

-Mark  (rc1107)

I had no problem with the horse dung comment.  I loved this piece.  As a newbie, it shows me how far I have to go until my stuff is post-worthy.  Thanks for sharing it.

Quoted from rc1107 I told my friends that if they ever want to find me, look for the closest Fantasy book, and I'll be on the other side of the earth.  Our earth.

Haha! With that introduction I was getting ready to get slammed.  I’m as surprised as I am flattered that you liked this piece. Thanks for giving this one a chance, man. I can totally see where are you’re coming from, and I think it’s understandable that some people find the fantasy genre a bit tedious.

The problem with fantasy is that it’s usually written by pussies for pussies. But I still have faith that one day I would be able to seat at the theatre and watch an R-Rated dark fantasy movie written with and adult public in mind.

Quoted from rc1107 I know that the very first thing they teach in screenwriting books and seminars is "God help you if you use a voiceover, scribes!"  I say f*ck them.

Glad you liked the V.O. - I’ve been getting mixed reactions about it. Voiceover is indeed a tool with bad reputation since it’s usually used the wrong way. But, I agree with you, advising scribes to take this tool out of the toolbox completely is a bit extreme.

Thanks again for the read, Mark. Let me know if you have something posted on the site, I’ll take a look at it.

Quoted from yosef91 I had no problem with the horse dung comment

That’s a first. Thanks for letting me know and I’m glad you liked the story.

Let me know if you post something on this site so I can check it out. I’ll be reciprocating reads over the next days.

As long as you post your best effort at a given time, the script will be post-worthy. It doesn't matter if it needs work, early efforts always do. Don’t worry about it.  

Lol.  Your exact words were 'The problem with fantasy is that it’s usually written by pussies for pussies.'

Well, those pussies making those movies right now are making hundreds of millions of dollars and topping the box office with every release, so I will never in my life dream of knocking them around.  :-)  Maybe when you make those hundreds of millions, Matias, you can throw me a couple grand so I can make my little indie short films.  :-)

I also forgot to say before, somebody had mentioned it, but it does have a very Aesop-themed lesson to it.  That was another reason I liked it so much.  It's one thing to tell a story, but it's another to teach a lesson.  That's something I try to do with my stories.  I hope my lessons come across like yours did.

Some of the shorts I have on simplyscripts are 'Pearl Dive', 'The Glim Dropper', and the rich-in-voiceover 'fix', all of them by Mark Lyons.

Well, Matias, once again, I will be on the lookout.  Godspeed, Fair Beast.

-Mark

Hey Matias,

This one reminded me of King's Dark Tower.Very similar to it except for the dragon. But Ireally liked it. i really didn't get the lust part. It took me a few minutes to get it. I think you should fix that part by adding another image of the female. I'm also confused about the female part since he has the ring. And the money part as well. Does it work if he puts it on and goes to that other world?  

Hope this helps,
Gabe  

Thanks Thomas. I might have to check Dark Tower, since it's not the first time the name comes up. I'm intrigued.

Quoted Text Does it work if he puts it on and goes to that other world?

There isn’t any travelling between worlds actually. At least I didn’t intend it to look that way. If you’re talking about the flashes, they’re just quick visions of the backstory behind each of the objects. Hope that makes some sense.

And thanks for checking this out. Much appreciated.

Mr.Z, it's not hard to see how you beat out the competition at all.  You've managed to tell a great story with a bigging, middle, and end without being dry, hasty, contrived, or vague.  I wasn't even bothered by the horseshit.  Mostly because I have a feeling that Drake is quite familiar with the stuff.  Still, after the others' comments, I would think it's not quite the right expression and it may be better to describe how Drake's face changes.  I loved Drake's entrance to the script and the cave.  First, I respect going through the trials of preproduction (taming a dragon) to ensure success during production (getting to the top of the spire).  Second, he's so uber-heroic and hyper-masculine, I halfway expect him to raise his arms and proudly exclaim, "I am Drake!"

For future scripts (Since this one is pretty much as done as it should be), it's worth a little more soul searching to find a way around the voice over.  For instance, do we really need the information we get in it?  Really?  Isn't it a bit more interesting/intriguing not to know why all of the fuss to get up this spire until the game of pea under the cup?  Redundancy and show-and-tell were more useful before the days of stop-rewind-play and video ownership.  Nowadays, if you've said it once, you've said it a million times.  Then, it's only advisable to repeat something that's said if the meaning behind the words have drastically changed.  And don't feel obligated to wrap everything up in a nice little bow.  You can save some page space and leave a few things to be implied.

Other than that, you've got mad skills.

Thanks for the read Gwydion.

As you can see from this thread there were mixed reactions about the V.O. And so are my feelings about it right now.

Making the nature of the tower a mystery for the first pages as you suggest is a great idea that never crossed my mind. I really like your suggestion.

Thanks again and let me know if you have a short posted around here.

Congratulations on the win.  I can see why, as this script is pretty much perfect.  I would of gave it the highest possible score.

No problems with the formatting.  Your descriptions are simply amazing.

I noticed that you sometimes avoid using pronouns when you write.  I've seen this before in screenplays and I'm pretty sure you're doing this on purpose.  The problem is that it's sometimes confusing to figure out what you mean.  An example would be when you wrote, "The button, the coin and the ring slip from Drake's hand into his pocket as he walks away from the table.  But falls to the ground with a splash."  Now I think the problem with this is that when people are reading fast they don't have time to process what's going on and will immediately think that you're saying the contents of his pocket are falling into the water.  Just by adding "He", you clarify what's supposed to be happening.  

I like the V.O.  I mean, it's not entirely expository, it's not too short or too long and you can't deny that it will sound cool on film.  

I think I saw someone confused about the chaining, thinking that at one point Drake's feet are chained and a second later they're not.  I, too, had to go back and read that again just to make sure I was understanding it right.  To clarify the whole chain switcheroo, I suggest writing, "He looks up at the Guardian, whose feet are no longer chained."

Since I don't really think you could do much to improve this(besides polishing it a bit by clarifying a few things), consider this a bump because a lot more people should be reading this script.

Easily one of the best shorts on here.  I'll be on the lookout for any other scripts you write.

Thanks for the read, I appreciate it.

Your suggestions are well justified and make a lot of sense. I'll have them in mind when I find time to do a polish on this one.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

This was an amazing script. I have no idea why I didn't notice it when it was first posted. Oh well...

It was tightly-written and very intriguing. The idea of having to make a choice such as Drake's is very interesting indeed. He chose the logical answer of taking both objects, but I knew that old fart would have a trick up his sleeve.

But the reason I liked this so much was not because of the writing, or even the story itself. I liked it because it read like a fairytale--a new, original fairytale. It was a joy to read it. There were some faults in the structure of your paragraphs. I felt they got sloppy in some parts. But it was all very minor; nothing worth mentioning, really.

A question, though: Sorry if this just flew me by, but did you even specify that the guardian's feet were chained in the beginning? I can't remember (I read this yesterday). Eitherway, it was a nice read.

--Julio

I'm not really a fan of this particular genre but I have to say your descriptions and style of writing kept me hooked till the end. Onething though, Mr. Z. The dialouge. When the Knight says: What the...?....I don't know, man. I just can't imagine Knights using these types of expressions that us, modern day (Knights) would use. The Knight's dialogue just sounded too modern for me.. Also, in the beginning of the conversation he addressed the Guardian as Old Man, not sure how he knew the guardian was old even though he was hooded, I think he was...

This was very nicely written, I like it alot.

Gracias, Julio. Yep, the old man’s chains are mentioned when Drake enter’s his lair. Glad you liked it.

Thanks, Ayham. You bring up some interesting points that were not previously mentioned. Gonna think them through.

Hey Z,

What an engaging story, kept me glued the entire time. The story, well more the moral of the story, reminded me of the holy grail paradox from the third instalment of Indiana Jones.

I agree with Ayham about the knight's dialogue, it might sound a bit modern but I actually like that (unless you didn't do that on purpose). It makes him sound more like a cowboy than anything else.

Other than that, I'm afraid don't have anything to add.

Very good work here.

Cheers
Rob

Quoted from sniper it might sound a bit modern but I actually like that (unless you didn't do that on purpose)

As long as you like it, yeah, I did it on purpose

Thanks for the read, Rob.

Matias

Another fantastic script, you really have a handle on these super short shorts. This obviously couldn't be done as a live action but would be excellent as animation.

Similarily to "The Black Rose Garden" is this passing on of ones burden that you deal with. The penance of somebody is lifted if they find a way to (in this case) transfer their troubles onto somebody else who falls victim to the same fate or weakness i.e depression, greed, lust, etc

Great ending, never for one second during the scripts could I fathom where it was going next. I'm not usually one for fantasy, scorcery, wizards, dragons and all that but I really got into the world you created here.

As I said with your "Black Rose..." script the description were excellent very florid and rich yet never too wordy or gratuitous. Personally I can learn a lot from you in that respect.

Another super job, gonna check out that short of yours on youtube when I get a chance too.

Well done

Col.

Hey, thanks for reading this one and "Garden". Much appreciated.

Believe it or not, a producer in Australia wanted to do this one live action.
http://www.scallywagspictures.com/towerofdesire/index.html

It's been long since I got any updates, which is understandable considering the current economic crisis and the budget. But at least I got to see some cool storyboards.

Thanks again.

Matias,

I enjoyed this short very much.
Your strong use of voice over from the start pulled me right in.
I think I heard Cate Blanchett's voice in my head for this, heh.
I miss the allegorical qualities of early fantasy tales.
It seems as of late Hollywood has turned its back on these kind of life lessons.
I'm not sure the slight of hand part was necessary, bout you recovered with a strong end.
I'm unsure as to why the Tower needed to have a guardian.
But it sounded cool, so I didn't care much to delve into why.
Fun read employing classic fairy tale elements in an engaging narrative.
Good show!

Regards,
E.D.

Thanks for the read, E.D. It's good to know you dig fantasy too.  

I saved this onto my hard drive. I hope you don't mind, Mr. Z. It's that good.

I liked it mainly because it was fairytale-ish, with a hint of 300 (as to that, I have no idea why. It just feels like that.) Yet it was not meant only for children. I think that this is meant for a very wide audience. People of varying age groups can appreciate this kind of writing.

Your descriptions are very good. I wish I could write like that.

No major gripes. I won't criticize you for the voice over. I have no right since my last script was full of V.O's that just didn't sit well with the piece. I think your V.O's are justified since FANTASY themed shorts or movies generally have either a hot female narrator or a hyper masculine man's man.

Minor question: Drake's hands are still burnt, does that mean he just recently tamed the dragon?

And yet another minor question: I've noticed you space actions after every one or two sentences. Is that a good rule of thumb or is it just your style? Just curious. Still learning the fundamentals of writing.

In closing, I'd like to say that this was the best fantasy script I've read to date. It would be awesome if someone made this into a short movie. Good job. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Thanks for the read, Robb. Always pleased by a 300 reference. One of my favorite movies.

Regarding Drake's wounds... yes you are correct... taming dragons is a dangerous profesion and their medical plan doesn't cover reconstructive surgery.  

This is no "rule", but I try to never go over three lines when writing descriptions. Having white on the page makes the read faster and it's always a plus (some writers use 4 lines as limit).

Cheers.