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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short  ›  Good Golly Miss Molly Moderators: bert
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SimplyScripts
Posted: June 16th, 2008, 2:42pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Good Golly Miss Molly by Bryan Mora (brymo) - Short - A local visit to the SnM bondage doctor is all a guy really needs.  5 pages - pdf, format


Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.



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BryMo
Posted: June 26th, 2008, 7:35am Report to Moderator
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..SO, i'm thinking nobody here likes bondage fun...

my first lesson.


Shorts:
Good Golly Miss Molly
No Place Like Home
New Moon Rising
Yuno - BRAND-*SPANKIN*-NEW!
The Ballad of Uncle Sam: An Anarchists Melody
Toy Soldier
This Modern Love
A Virgin State of Mind

A GUIDE TO MY LITERARY BABIES
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dogglebe
Posted: June 26th, 2008, 7:49am Report to Moderator
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Dear Editor, I thought the letters in your magazine until this happened to me--wait!  Wrong place.

You have to keep in mind that there's a lot of 'kids' on these boards who shouldn't be reading this type of material.  And then there's the rest that wouldn't want to read it because of it's subject matter

It was an interesting piece for what it was, but I don't think it really stands on its own.  It was told well, flowed really smoothly.  The characters and dialog was pretty natural.  For some reason, I found the ending predictable.  Maybe it was because the script was only a few pages long and you needed to tie things up quickly (pun intended), but there was no surprise.

Hope this helps.


Phil


The Devil's Jokebook††
An ancient relic disappears.††And Heaven and Hell will fight to get it back.


Finalist, Shriekfest Horror Film Festival screenplay competition.
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BryMo
Posted: June 26th, 2008, 9:23am Report to Moderator
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**Sigh**

You're right dogglebe(pronounciation please) --I should have thought about that. The kids remark i mean. Some places you can and some you can't.. Oh well.

No harm.


Wait -- deep thoughts -- so kids can scroll down scripts about zombies eating/Blowing off each others heads and terrorist groups bombing civilians but can't read something thats a natural part of life. The sex not the SnM.

Actually, SnM is a Phenomenon sweeping the USA. i wont judge and say its a sad state of mind..But its def sweeping.

Also, Iím not trying to be belligerent Ė itís just these thoughts popped into my head. (Genuine thoughts and observations) If these kids are trying to be "writers", then isn't it their trade to experience everything they can. To gain knowledge from that crazy little thing called life. To observe. To interact.


Shorts:
Good Golly Miss Molly
No Place Like Home
New Moon Rising
Yuno - BRAND-*SPANKIN*-NEW!
The Ballad of Uncle Sam: An Anarchists Melody
Toy Soldier
This Modern Love
A Virgin State of Mind

A GUIDE TO MY LITERARY BABIES
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Angry Bear
Posted: June 26th, 2008, 9:43am Report to Moderator
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There are far worse scripts than this here. This one, I would even call tame.

I read this at MP and I gave it a GOOD.  

Pia


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alffy
Posted: June 26th, 2008, 9:58am Report to Moderator
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Hey Bry

This was alright, the ending was a quite amusing lol.  I guessed that maybe they were work collegues or something so it was a bit of a surprise that they were husband and wife.

Anywho, the dialogue was good and your format was fine, I would introduce the characters first though.  Rather than referring to them as Man and Woman at first I'd just use their names from the outset.

Like I said though, this was a nice little read, not too much to it but by no means a bad script.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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dogglebe
Posted: June 26th, 2008, 10:29am Report to Moderator
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Keep in mind that the majority of the zombie scripts are ritten by these kids.  And it is a double standard, regarding violence and death, especially when it comes to fantasy deaths, like zombies.

And, in regards to kids experiencing everything in life if they want to be writers I imagine that their parents should be making that decision and not some stranger on the internet.

Back to your scripts, though.  What you wrote is a realstic story, not to be confused with fantasy.  I imagine that parents would not be asupset over the violence in a zombie story than they would with the violence in a more down to earth drama.  An example of this might be the violence in 'Reserviour Dogs' versus the violence in 'From Dusk Til Dawn.'  In regards to sex scenes, what you wrote probably would not be as accepted as a knight in shining armor doing the dirty with an elven princess.


Phil


The Devil's Jokebook††
An ancient relic disappears.††And Heaven and Hell will fight to get it back.


Finalist, Shriekfest Horror Film Festival screenplay competition.
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stebrown
Posted: June 27th, 2008, 11:29am Report to Moderator
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Hey Bry

I thought this was another funny script. From the two I've read I see you're good at building interesting characters and situations.

I don't think we should have any censorship on here, if something's well written I don't mind what the subject matter is.

I liked the ending but maybe (just a suggestion) have Frank clearly the dominant force in the relationship. I thought you made Molly be quite meek at the end, but think it would be funny if you made the 'real-life' situation even more of a difference to the rest.

Nice job

Ste


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n7
Posted: July 16th, 2008, 9:51pm Report to Moderator
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Hey BryMo,
For the first couple of pages I was thinking to myself, if he's going to go after a subject like this, why not go all out with as much swearing and s&m stuff as possible. Page 4. Problem solved. Once you dropped the "c" bomb it raised the stakes.
also a nice build up of the good golly miss molly punchline. You avoided giving it away too early. Overall it was a really solid for a 5 pager. Even though the twist at the end wasn't "shocking" it was still effective. It had me fooled. Good work
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Breanne Mattson
Posted: July 19th, 2008, 1:35pm Report to Moderator
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Actually, I thought this was very tame.

In fact, I think there has been a lot of similar stuff to this already. The guy who gets off on being beaten and the mistress whoís totally normal outside the bedroom is already treaded territory.

I didnít find anything new or shocking here. It wasnít bad. It was just okay for me. It came down to whether or not I connected with any of the characters. And I didnít really connect.

For it to have any meaning to me, it would have to get into the charactersí marriage and motives. Why does Frank need this type of activity - which is clearly a form of self loathing? Why does Molly indulge him rather than instigate any meaningful transformation? Are they really happy like this? If not, why not? That sort of thing.

The twist isnít really anything but an ordinary story beat used to move a story along. Itís okay as such but as any sort of surprise twist at the end, it falls short.

I think there is a lot of room to explore this type of activity in a real meaningful way. I like movies like Secretary and Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! but they approach this subject from the psychological perspective and give us characters with much more depth than their sexual desires. Their kinky tendencies donít define them as people. They are manifestations of who they are - or maybe more accurately - who theyíve become. There is a profound psychological exploration that makes their strange sexual acts part of a whole person. Without that, itís just exploitation.

Thatís kind of how I felt about your story. I felt like it was all just using kinky sex as a cheap thrill and avoiding any real character development.

I mean, itís well written and all. It just didnít do anything for me personally.


Breanne



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Breanne Mattson  -  July 19th, 2008, 2:08pm
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BryMo
Posted: July 20th, 2008, 11:25pm Report to Moderator
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Breanne, has it been awhile since youíve posted? Because Iíve always enjoyed your reviews and havenít seen them lately.

And typically, Iím fond of this review. See, you read my mind. This piece was done for a monthly community contest on short scripts.. I decided to keep this tame for younger readers. I mean, trust me, I have plenty extremist things going on in my head (is that good or badÖehh) Anyway I knew entering this here Iíd get posts saying ďthis was run of the millĒ and had no development. And you know what, it was. Most of my more intricate stories range in twenty pages.. But I do think I went as far as I could with 5 pages. Essentially this was preparation for another story if I wished to expand on the subject.

You know, Iíd LOVE LOVE LOVE for you to read ďNo Place Like Home.Ē About an insecure gay man who goes to his school reunion. Iíd love to get your thoughts on that piece.

I believe a link is in my signature. Thanks!

Hope to hear back!


Shorts:
Good Golly Miss Molly
No Place Like Home
New Moon Rising
Yuno - BRAND-*SPANKIN*-NEW!
The Ballad of Uncle Sam: An Anarchists Melody
Toy Soldier
This Modern Love
A Virgin State of Mind

A GUIDE TO MY LITERARY BABIES
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ShotgunFever
Posted: November 16th, 2008, 9:48pm Report to Moderator
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This is the first one I've read by you.  Are they all about bondage?  I thought that for what it was it worked.  But shorts are only worth so much anyways.  The flow, dialogue and imagery was pretty well done and it was even a little scary.  
I thought Molly was gonna kill the guy or something.  I will read more and THANK YOU for the R-rated subject matter.  More people ought to be as daring with their work.  
-Dave
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Tommyp
Posted: November 16th, 2008, 10:36pm Report to Moderator
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Hey man, interesting script. Well written. But I don't really see the point of it. I'm guessing the whole idea was the suprise that they were actually husband and wife. And the ending was amusing. I just can't see this being made...

Unlike "No Place Like Home" which was fantastic.

I think you went more for the shock factor here (like with that "c" swear word and the content of course), instead of trying get an actual story in there.

Overall good dialogue and descriptions so well done. Just not my cup of tea (or coffee for that matter). I'm gonna check out some more of stuff 'cause I like your writing.


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BryMo
Posted: November 19th, 2008, 12:32pm Report to Moderator
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Shotgun,

No! How dare you imply that Iím a one hit writer! No jk. All my scripts are vastly different from each other. To stick to one genre isnít my style. But to echo some of what others have said; I, personally, don't think this piece went TOO far. I can go much farther, mostly because my once innocent self has exposed to the vile, grimy thing we call life.

Thanks for the read!

Tommyp,

You canít see any point to it because there isnít a point. I remember when I wrote this, I was extremely depressed and couldnít write a thing anymore. I felt as if I forgot HOW to write. You ever have those moments? Anyway, this somehow was written in that phase. I think if I wanted this made, Iíd just need to add a few thingsÖLike a story and a twist.

Donít know if I want this made, but who can let a title like ďGood Golly Miss MollyĒ go to waste??  


Shorts:
Good Golly Miss Molly
No Place Like Home
New Moon Rising
Yuno - BRAND-*SPANKIN*-NEW!
The Ballad of Uncle Sam: An Anarchists Melody
Toy Soldier
This Modern Love
A Virgin State of Mind

A GUIDE TO MY LITERARY BABIES
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tonkatough
Posted: November 22nd, 2008, 1:13am Report to Moderator
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oh dear the old tie me up and spank me down. Not a big fan of that. I adore Bettie Page, have a collection of books and stuff on her but always skip right past the bondage cr**.

So can't say this was my cup of tea but man oh man it was worth sticking around to the end as the last few lines of dialouge made me laugh hard.

Loved the big reveal when wife pulls off pink wig and the last two lines of dialouge are worth the read alone. total crack up.  

  


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