Hello Barkman,

Thanks  for the read, much appreciated.

Quoted from .............................. Not a fan of this style of comedy myself so i wont comment on the actual story as such, bu i like to post comments on scripts i read. Its well constructed and certainly creates the right imagery, worth a read if you can ahem stomach some graphic toilet (im so sorry) humour!

Some people do, some don't.

As for constructed.  If it wasn't for the other writers on this site, I wouldn't have produced this script as it looks now.  So I thank everyone for their comments.

Cheers,


Javier

Hi Ste,

Thanks for read, much appreciated.

Quoted from stebrown Hey Jay I really like this one. Toilet humour obviously but you can't go wrong with it every now and then. What I liked about it most was the fact you kept the storyline subtle at the start. The dialogue was spot on I think and it made the situation believable.

Happy you liked this one.  Just a bit of fun.  What's the chances of getting this one filmed?  Very slim.

Happy that you liked the subtle beginning.  It does feel a bit slow but I was hoping it would be worth it overall.

Quoted from stebrown What is letting you down I think, is your proofreading. Too many typos and spelling mistakes that makes a very good script look unprofessional. Whatever you plan to do with a script I think you owe it to yourself and whoever reads the script to clean up the script as much as possible. I liked everything about the script apart from the typos though, so I had to have a whinge on about something haha. Good stuff, fella.

There's always one thing that will let me down.  I usually get a mate to proofread my scripts but didn't this time around.  I was hoping that I've improved, but I'm only letting myself down.

Cheers for the read,


Javier

Hello Col,

Thanks for the read, much appreciated.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Love the title, reminded me instantly of the add from TV years ago, which I had totally forgotten about.

Could the advert posted by GM be the one?

Quoted from Colkurtz8 I can see why people might have been a bit mislead with it considering one of the more prolific contributors here shares the same name. Was this a publicity stunt I wonder.

Well, with a title like that.  Its bound to raise an eyebrow.  Maybe I should link everyone to one of Michael's scripts to show why they're fun to read ????

Quoted from Colkurtz8 As always your writing style is short, conCise & minimal, a readers dream.

That's what I love to read.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 ...The cut to inside Michael's bowels was a nice visual touch and it got us out of Kara & Michael's house for a bit.

I wasn't sure if this had worked.  It was wee bit out there compared with the rest of the script.  Especially with the picture I was painting.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Toilet humour works to some degree for me but more often then not its takn too far & loses its shock value. I'm afraid I found this guilty of descending into that pit-fall too.

I tried for this not to be over-the-top but feel in comparison to others.  It's not bad.  For the most part it's just sounds.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 The ending could work on screen but I found between Betty & Roy shi?ting all over the floor it was OTT, like you were trying too hard to shock us with the worst possible, most dehumanizing scenario imaginable. In my humble opinion it ultimately fell flat.

Fair enough.  But I could tell you some really disgusting true stories (not me) that if I wrote them up would be OTT.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Expect kind letter from Cornetto thanking you for the exposure, maybe some free ice-creams...Oh, and a lawsuit from B & J

Also linked to one of his scripts.  Double the exposure.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Overall not bad. The ending I feel needs some reworking. Although I can't really suggest anything, sorry. Col.

Fair enough.  I felt the ending is good as it is.  But feel free to post your opinion on a better ending if you think of one.

Cheers,


Javier

I always wondered how the human digestive system worked...turns out it's a bunch of little miners in your guts.

I like how you didn't hold back.  I can almost picture you at your computer writing this story and saying to yourself "Should I have the old lady drop a steaming log on the floor?  Uhh...yep."

Nothing like a sh1tfest for sheer laughs.  The whole laxative in ice cream thing is a stroke of genius, I must say.  

The only thing that let me down was the ending.  I'm not exactly sure how to end a story like this.  Maybe with a flush.  But, I was hoping for more of a wrap up.

I'm glad another poster explained that a cornetto is a kind of ice cream cone in the UK.  Otherwise, I would of thought you were really going after mccornetto with this story.

But overall, this was some good sh1t.

Cam

Hi Javier, i just read this. I'v ealways been intrigued by Michael's surname because Cornettos are ice creams here in Australia, also called a Drumstick. They are unreal too.
Yeah, I understand the script better after reading the explaination. I knew it was a piss-take of Michael's humour but didn't pick the laxative ref at first. Good flowing writing though a little of the dialogue seemed forced. the 'log' was a surprise, and 'pod' as well. Great to read different names for the stuff! I would've worked 'cable' in there somewhere!  Anyway. a fun piece.

Thanks Cam for giving this off coloured script a read.  Sorry for the late reply.

Quoted from Cam17 ... I like how you didn't hold back.  I can almost picture you at your computer writing this story and saying to yourself "Should I have the old lady drop a steaming log on the floor?  Uhh...yep."

Yep, that's how my mind works.

Quoted from Cam17 Nothing like a sh1tfest for sheer laughs.  The whole laxative in ice cream thing is a stroke of genius, I must say.

Thanks, it helps that this was a true story.

Quoted from Cam17 The only thing that let me down was the ending.  I'm not exactly sure how to end a story like this.  Maybe with a flush.  But, I was hoping for more of a wrap up.

I wasn't sure about this ending.  Do I end up with dialogue or action?  I tried something different with the way I wrote this and as you can see, that's how it ended.

Quoted from Cam17 I'm glad another poster explained that a cornetto is a kind of ice cream cone in the UK.  Otherwise, I would of thought you were really going after mccornetto with this story.

I wasn't sure if people would get this.  Mainly the Brits and possibly the Aussies.  Turns out a good crowd understand this.  But aside from that, does it work for the others?  It's a little so so with people, I think.

Quoted from Cam17 But overall, this was some good sh1t. Cam

Good shit is better than bad shit, thanks!


Javier

Hi Steve, thanks for giving this pile of shit a read.

Quoted from stevie Hi Javier, i just read this. I'v ealways been intrigued by Michael's surname because Cornettos are ice creams here in Australia, also called a Drumstick. They are unreal too.

I suppose I was too.  Especially as the Walls ice-cream song has stuck with me for over a decade now.  That's what good advertising can do to you.

Quoted from stevie Yeah, I understand the script better after reading the explaination. I knew it was a piss-take of Michael's humour but didn't pick the laxative ref at first. Good flowing writing though a little of the dialogue seemed forced. the 'log' was a surprise, and 'pod' as well. Great to read different names for the stuff! I would've worked 'cable' in there somewhere!  Anyway. a fun piece.

With the laxative idea, I wanted that so subtle that some people wouldn't see this but for others to guess.

Coming with those words was tricky.  The never-ending cable could be an idea.

Happy you found this a fun piece.

All the best,


Javier