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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›   Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: May 1st, 2009, 6:50pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Total Awesomeness of Cars That Fucking Rock by Robert Skotte (sniper) - Short, Comedy, TV Show, Spoof - Hummer is coming out with a new, well, Hummer - The Hummer X. Buy it to save America. 10 pages - pdf, format


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tonkatough
Posted: May 2nd, 2009, 6:47am Report to Moderator
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Sweet jesus Sniper. This was the most obnoxious, cynical, greasy, vulgar script I have ever read here and I loved every word of it.

This was solid gold and perfect timing I might add too cause having heard on the news that Chrysler is begging the American government for a bail out, your script has something profound to say about our current economical situation and says with razor sharp satire.

Why don't you write more scripts like this? I love it.  


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sniper
Posted: May 2nd, 2009, 10:08am Report to Moderator
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Hey Tonka,

Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed it. It's funny, I made a pact with myself that I wouldn't do anymore shorts - from now on it was features features features - and what do I do? Write two shorts in one week. Go figure.

This reason for writing this was really simple actually. I was sitting there, typing away on Deliverance when I felt a very strong urge to use a shitload of curse words. I couldn't them in that script so I wrote down a list of words and formed "a story" around them. It started out as an infomercial spoof but that changed after I decided to go with the financial crisis instead. It only took me about 3 hours to write it.

Thanks for the read.

Cheers
Rob

PS: btw, Tonka, you're in my other short "The Curious Case Against Sean Elwood" - you're not mentioned by name, but if you look hard enough I think you'll find Wally, I mean, Tonka.


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
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cloroxmartini
Posted: May 2nd, 2009, 11:55am Report to Moderator
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Hilarious.
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stevie
Posted: May 2nd, 2009, 6:53pm Report to Moderator
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Sorry Rob, I didn't realise you wrote this. would've read it earlier. Love it! Coming hard on the heels of 'Curious', this is good shit!
Your explanation of unleashing a heap of swearing is interesting! Surely a script like 'Deliverance' will have an abundance of curses?
'Squeal like a fucking pig, boy'.....'fucking squeal like a pig, boy'...'fucking squeal like a fucking pig, bitch'...'Bert, get that fucking arrow out of my fucking chest'...I think you get my point!
Cheers, man.



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n7
Posted: May 3rd, 2009, 1:31am Report to Moderator
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Sniper,
I know we don't know each other well, but I feel obligated to say this has left me hoping you seek professional help...and that's a good thing. This seems like a solid, swift, kick in the hairy, sagging nuts to a timely topic that's sure to raise an opinion to anyone that reads it. I was afraid for a second that you had fallen into the "BALLS OUT" ways of describing action scenes that had been previously posted here, but you easily rose above that.  Great rebellious story that really sticks with you , good work!
Nate
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Tommyp
Posted: May 3rd, 2009, 3:51am Report to Moderator
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Hey Sniper, interesting script. I don't think I liked it as much as the above comments though. Some good ideas, and some funny lines, but being as vulgar as you were in the action lines wrecked it a bit for me.

I think Jim would sound better if he was contrasted with Cindy being a normal, non swearing, conventional host, asking questions about the car. He would stand out more, and it would be more realistic. I know realism isn't really an issue in this script obviously, but it is something to think about.

I loved the fact only a wheel could fit into the studio

Some action lines added nothing to the script at all, and were a waste of space. For what you were going for, I like it. Compared to other scripts, format and story wise, not so much.


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jayrex
Posted: May 3rd, 2009, 7:03am Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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Holy shit.

That was a totally fucking awesome read Rob.

I just loved the whole piece.  Such a fun read.  This could be a making of a great series if you think off it.  Get Cindy to interview more people.

Didn't put a foot wrong.

Cool script.

All the best,


Javier


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JonnyBoy
Posted: May 3rd, 2009, 8:02am Report to Moderator
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That was funny. I think I agree with Tommy, though, that some of the action lines are a bit TOO much. It felt like a Ben Elton novel (don't know if you've heard of him, he's a British comedian), just in script form. Still, on the whole it worked very well!

THE FUCKING END OF MY FUCKING REVIEW


Guess who's back? Back again?
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grademan
Posted: May 3rd, 2009, 11:38am Report to Moderator
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Sniper. Very vulgar and very funny. I think that cuss words works as the language of the futurisitc, yet somewhat offtrack world you use to comment on ours. I didn't like hte "fuck me" lines. A tad over the top in this over the top script. But its not like I wasn't warned by the title.

Good job and a belated happy birthday!
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Mr.Z
Posted: May 3rd, 2009, 12:48pm Report to Moderator
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Do you really think that by throwing some fucking swearing into your fucking title you’ll get my attention and make me post a fucking review?

Fuck yeah!

A job well done, I must say. It read like a breeze and put a big smile on my face.

You could say this piece is a little thin on “story” (in the traditional sense) but it didn’t bother me, since it’s clear, form the start, what the point is here.

The writing is over the top in a Balls Out kinda way, but I think it fits perfectly the tone of this piece.

Pretty fun read. Thanks for the laugh.


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steven8
Posted: May 3rd, 2009, 10:26pm Report to Moderator
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I ordered mine in camo with the DriveBy™ kit, . . . of course.  *wink, wink*

Because I want to blow shit up!

Most excellent, Sniper.  Most excellent!

I think this falls into one of those films with an underlying message mentioned in the Questions and Comments section of the forum.

What do you guys Fucking think?!?!


...in no particular order
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sniper
Posted: May 4th, 2009, 7:27am Report to Moderator
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I think you're fucking right, Steven.

Anyway, thanks to all you motherfuckers for reading the fucking script.

Obviously, the use of profanity in the action lines will distract some readers but I felt like doing it in a sort of Balls Out manner for a change, and since this is one of those scripts that is very thin on story, I had to beef it up by being a bit vulgar (which came surprisingly easy)

Cheers
Rob


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
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Colkurtz8
Posted: May 8th, 2009, 7:02pm Report to Moderator
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Robert

Great title first off, tied with "Dartacus" for that accolade. I loved the spin you took with this, shockingly original.

I would pay good money to see an episode of this, watching some hot girl swearing her guts out would be quite a turn on. Top of the ratings every week guaranteed. The days are numbered for that lame assed "Pimp My Ride" unless they get some chick cursing her way through the modification of whatever crock of sh?t they decide to put camera screens on the bumper, a coffee maker on the roof, window wipers on the engine block and so on and so forth.

Cindy is the best presenter one could possibly ask for in a car show. However I found most of the laughs contained in the prose which will unfortunately be lost in transalation to screen.

Great job, no complaints this was very entertaining and funny. The "yards" line was a standout. Jim had some fantastic lines towards the end.

Prime time censorship just might have one or two gripes about the whole thing though. I suggest a late night slot in between a blue or something.

Col.



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Colkurtz8  -  May 19th, 2009, 2:21am
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sniper
Posted: May 19th, 2009, 1:37am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Colkurtz8
Cindy is the best presenter one could possibly ask for in a car show.

But she would be even better naked though, right? Wouldn't that be a cool show, naked chicks testing out cars? I think it would blow Top Gear right out of the water.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
However I found most of the laughs contained in the prose which will unfortunately be lost in transalation to screen.

True - which was part of the reason for writing this.

Thanks for the read, Col, I'm glad you liked it.

Cheers
Rob


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
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