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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Emergency Service Moderators: bert
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  Author    Emergency Service  (currently 6063 views)
craig cooper-flintstone
Posted: July 20th, 2009, 1:29pm Report to Moderator
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Wow, thanks everyone for your comments and suggestions, I really appreciate it.

As regards to the formatting issues, I'm still getting my head round Celtx, I'm sure there must be an option to remove (continued) from the start of each new page, it only does this when converted to PDF files.

'Sat in the armchair' - thats my Derbyshire upbringing rearing its head LOL.

I'll take all your constructive critisism and have a tinker around with it when I get chance, I'm still new to all this, and all your feedback is really helping.

Ps, my first attempt at a screenplay 'Four' is languishing around with no comments or feedback, and I'd appreciate it if anyone has time to give it a go.

All the best.

Craig


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jayrex
Posted: July 20th, 2009, 2:50pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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As regards to the formatting issues, I'm still getting my head round Celtx, I'm sure there must be an option to remove (continued) from the start of each new page, it only does this when converted to PDF files.


Go to Format Options, next to Save PDF.  Then 'Mores & Continues' tab.


Ps, my first attempt at a screenplay 'Four' is languishing around with no comments or feedback, and I'd appreciate it if anyone has time to give it a go.


If you'd like constructive criticism on your 'Four' script, you should give a read to the writers who reviewed your script.  Like for like.  That's how we help each other out.


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craig cooper-flintstone
Posted: July 20th, 2009, 4:15pm Report to Moderator
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Cheers Mate!


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alffy
Posted: July 20th, 2009, 5:01pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Craig

You've had a few reads and they've pointed out all the mistakes I think so I won't bother.

I will however say that this was great, I thoughally enjoyed it.  I wasn't sure where this was going but the ending crowned it off for me.  It really was a surprise to me, I thought it was gonna be a strange comedy but it of course turned out to be a more innocent romantic comedy.  I don't even like romantic stories but this was excellent, good stuff mate.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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Colkurtz8
Posted: July 20th, 2009, 5:01pm Report to Moderator
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Craig

Plus your links to "Four" and "Playing God" on your sig go straight to the script instead of the discussion board. This might put off some people leaving comments. Just copy the discussion board link on to your sig, instead of the actual PDF document itself.

Well done again on this script, nice work.


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craig cooper-flintstone
Posted: July 21st, 2009, 6:32am Report to Moderator
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Thanks to all who have given me help and suggestions, I've had a little fiddle with the script, and have also removed (continued) from the beginning of each new page etc.

I have just tried to upload the edited version, but submissions are not possible until the 1st of August, so I will try again then.

Thanks again

Craig


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sniper
Posted: July 21st, 2009, 7:42am Report to Moderator
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Craig, if you put in the below codes in your signature, it'll look much better and it'll take any potential readers to the script-thread insted of directly to the script:

Code

[url=http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-short/m-1242589229/]Four[/url]
[url=http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-short/m-1247321321/]Emergency Service[/url]


In your signature it will look like this:

Four
Emergency Service

Cheers
Rob


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
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craig cooper-flintstone
Posted: July 21st, 2009, 10:33am Report to Moderator
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Just done it!

Thank you Rob, that's fantastic.


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rendevous
Posted: July 23rd, 2009, 9:16am Report to Moderator
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Craig,

Second script of yours I've read. You've a knack for telling an interesting and catchy story, for that congrats.

I didn't see the twist coming, I should have done but I didn't. Had me laughing. Looking back through the comments I see you're doing a rewrite so just a few points on format that may help.

Use (V.O.) for the other person on the phone.
Try to stay away from the 'we see', 'we follow' type stuff, it annoys some readers and doesn't add.

Add some descriptions for the characters on screen, they would add a lot to your story.

You've a knack for dialogue, it's always enjoyable to read your character's lines.

My only major gripe is the "...a little more information than I needed thanks" - reminded a bit too much of Mia Wallace's line to Vince in Pulp Fiction before he drains off and chats to himself in her bathroom.

Apart from that this a great little script. I'll have a delve into Four in a few days.


Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
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craig cooper-flintstone
Posted: July 24th, 2009, 9:23am Report to Moderator
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Thanks Rendevous, glad you enjoyed them.

As regards to the line from Pulp Fiction, I see what you mean. It wasn't intentional- I used it because that's what her sister had said to her in a previous phone conversation. I'll have a think about another way to end it, along the same lines.

I've added descriptions for Martina and the policeman in the re-write, I don't know how I missed doing that!

Thanks for your comments, much appreciated.

I'm going to have a gander at 'attachment to small objects' this evening, I'll let you know what I think.

All the best,

Craig


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rendevous
Posted: July 24th, 2009, 9:57am Report to Moderator
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Craig,

You're welcome. enjoyed it.

Wait a day of two. I'm rewriting Attachments at the mo. The new draft will be a much improved effort, at least I hope so. I'll post it on my own site until Don gets back in business then link from SS. I'd much prefer to read comments about the new one.

The Pulp line just needs a bit of adjustment. It's a good device and worked well. The wording at present though is just that bit too famous to use.


Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
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craig cooper-flintstone
Posted: July 24th, 2009, 1:52pm Report to Moderator
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Ok, no worries, I'll hang fire a bit then.

You'll have to give me the link to your site so I can have a look.

Definitely know what you mean about the pulp line.


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Ophelia
Posted: August 9th, 2009, 4:42pm Report to Moderator
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Interesting story, that's a kink I havent heard of.   A few typos as I read.
Yes, I'm She, she shouldn't be capitilized.  Neither should husband a few lines later.
Not sure how cops talk over there, but 'whilst' struck me as a bit formal/awkward.
They still say truncheon, as opposed to baton?
I'm not sure 'retaliate' is the verb you're looking for when she tries to kiss him.
I think a few more moments of grief could built up to her getting all randy, just to help suspend a little disbelief.
Other than that, definately a nice job, quick fun read.  I'll see if I can check out four for you.


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craig cooper-flintstone
Posted: August 9th, 2009, 5:05pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Ophelia,

Thanks for the advice, I'm glad you enjoyed it overall.

They're called truncheons still in the UK as far as I am aware!

Thanks again for the feedback


Craig


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Ophelia
Posted: August 14th, 2009, 9:15am Report to Moderator
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No problem, seems like my feedback was just a difference of lingo anyways.
One question, if you're using Celtx, how are you converting the files to PDF, etc?   I read the above posts but can't find the Save PDF button.  I'm sure it's pretty simple, but with all my poking around all I can get is HTML or Text documents out of it.
Thanks.


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