Hi, Ophelia.

Click on the 'Typeset' button on the bottom of the screen, 'Save PDF' will appear on the next screen near the top, once it has formatted.

Hope this helps,


Craig

Thats the button I was looking for!  Thanks so much.
PS I checked out four, and quite enjoyed it.

No worries Ophelia,

Glad I could help. I'm happy you checked out four and enjoyed it. I know there are still plenty of tweaks to do, but I'm still quite pleased with it, being my first attempt.

I've got a new short that I'm working on at the moment. PM message me if you're interested in giving it a read, and I'll give you a link.

Craig

Hi,

Thought you'd like to know that the re-edited version is now here - nothing major, just character descriptions, typos tidied, and fews changes to dialogue etc.

Craig

Craig,

haven't read the previews reviews, so forgive me for the repeats.

Nice and funny twist.  Some minor issues about the formatting.

I would write:

MARTINA
(on the phone)
blabla

MARIE
(in the phone)
blablabla…

No (cont) in the dialogs, especially when the the action line in between can be in parenthesis.

Don’t capitalize names in dialogs.

The major problem I had was the picture frame on the bedside table. You don’t need it. Regarding the twist, Martina doesn’t need to put it down.

Good read.

Michel

Hi Michel,

In the original draft had the characters name with (on the phone), and most of the feedback seemed to say that this was wrong, and it needed to be changed to (V.O.), so I am unsure which is correct?

Glad you find it funny though, Michel!

All the best

Craig

Didn't enjoy this as much as your other shorts I'm afraid.

The idea wasn't particularly new - it was fairly obvious what the "twist" would be. It seemed overly familiar and nothing about it struck me as different.

Maybe you should have subverted the whole thing - and have the Policeman NOT being the husband, and the wife a cold bitch who didn't care her hubby was dead!!!

Sorry.

No need to apologise, ya can't win 'em all!

You say it's obvious what the twist was, but looking back on the feedback, you're the only one that guessed!

No worries, and thanks for reading it anyway, buddy


Craig

hey craig,

even though i guessed the ending before getting there, this is one of my favorite scripts ive read on the site so far. its clever, well written, and very witty. in addition, the dialogue is very natural and flows nicely.

i look forward to reading more of your stuff. kudos to you sir!

Hi 'albinopenguin',

That's a great start to my day- hearing this is one of your favourites on the whole site, thank you so much.

Really glad you enjoyed it, and you found the dialogue to be natural.

Thanks again

All the best

Craig

Hi Craig. just realised I read this the other day but didn't post a comment.

Um, yeah, this was neat. The whole concept came out of the blue and gave it a good twist. your style and format are done well.
I thought the wife was gonna be ringing up the cop shop and reporting the fake death of her husband, then she would screw the cop when he came to tell me. But you took it further so nice job.

Cheers Stevie,


Glad you like it, and that you like my style.

I'll check another one of yours out soon.

Thanks for the read


Craig

I'm a little late to the party but wanted to read something of your's quick after you read one of mine (thanks again!)

I really dug the script. GREAT twist! Should have seen it coming but didn't. Great use of dialogue setting things up so you could come back to it later. I thought the woman's behavior was a little off for just losing her husband but my horror-tinged mind thought she might be a black widow type luring him in for a kill. I knew SOMETHING was up but didn't see the obvious, which is the mark of a great twist.

I thought the script was real solid and make a great short film. I didn't see the original but you obviously tightened it up with the feedback already received. My only suggestion would be to ease the transition from grieving widow to sex kitten. It's seemed a little abrupt on her end- then again when you understand the twist at the end if fits with the whole role-playing/porno angle But the cop's transition seemed much smoother. So I would maybe make the woman's transition smoother or make the cop's a little more abrupt so they are on the same page. But that's nitpicking. It really is solid as is. Great job! I will take a look at your other scripts as well when I have the time!

Steve

Hi Steve,

It's always good when someone comments on some of your older stuff, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I know what you mean about the transition from grieving widow to vamp. I think that's the point though- you know what she's doing is wrong and pretty well messed up, and when the twist is revealed it all sort of makes sense.

I could have expanded the 'grief process' of Martina, but my aim was to do a really quick read. I think if it was any longer, it would feel a little stilted.

Anyway, thanks for the read and comments- highly appreciated. Cool that you're gonna look through my other stuff too.

All the best

Craig

Craig,

First -- the nit-picky stuff:

Using CONT’D when action breaks up dialogue has fallen out of favor with a large number of writers.  I don’t use it either, but if you want a definitive answer I would check the forums on that one.


POLICEMAN
Whether I find you attractive is unimportant as this point...

I think you meant to say ‘at this point’.


‘He retaliates at first, then relaxes...’

This is just me but... retaliate sounds -- violent, or like a reaction to violence.  I would use resists, unless the afore mentioned is what you’re going for...then keep it.


I think you meant to say ‘...rips off his clothes...’ not ‘...rips of his clothes...’


Not sure you should use CLOSE UP.  Again check the forums on that.  There are those that are much more versed on if and when these things should be used.  Personally -- I think it worked


So...pretty minor stuff.  Overall.  You’re writing is solid.  Very clean, very concise... nicely done.  The story wasn’t ground-breaking, but it was fun.  I enjoyed it.  Smiled at the end and thought to myself ‘Ollie, you are one lucky son-of-a-bitch’.