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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  An Instrument of Justice Moderators: bert
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  Author    An Instrument of Justice  (currently 5033 views)
screenrider
Posted: May 24th, 2010, 4:05pm Report to Moderator
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Mr. Z,

Like everybody else I'm a fan of Instrument Of Justice.  Where can I find your other scripts?  I'd like to read them as well.


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Ryan1
Posted: May 24th, 2010, 4:09pm Report to Moderator
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Love a good western.  This one had a Jonah Hex, supernatural feel to it.  I like how your descriptions were economical, but painted a clear picture.  I would have liked to have known more about the origin of this gun, but maybe that's for another script.

I suppose I like your rewrite a little better.  The original didn't make as much sense to me as I just didn't think the sheriff would "lend" Lydia to this bounty hunter so she could go shoot the outlaw in his hideout.  That'd be like King Arthur lending Excalibur to some scrub knight.

But, there's something I just didn't like about this ending, either.  How the Sheriff sits back and lets this bounty hunter shoot an unarmed man, behind bars, in the Sheriff's own jail.  I don't know, the whole killing seemed a little unworthy of Lydia's talents.

Maybe when the sheriff spins Lydia it points to the saloon across the street or something, where the outlaw and his gang is in town.  And the bounty hunter, convinced of the power of Lydia, agrees to help him take out the outlaw.  Just a thought.

Anyway, good job with this.
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mcornetto
Posted: May 24th, 2010, 4:18pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from screenrider

Mr. Z,

Like everybody else I'm a fan of Instrument Of Justice.  Where can I find your other scripts?  I'd like to read them as well.




Here are a few other Mr. Z scripts.
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screenrider
Posted: May 24th, 2010, 5:34pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from mcornetto


Here are a few other Mr. Z scripts.

Thanks.

I just read three of his scripts.

I really hate this guy.  >  

                                  
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screenrider
Posted: May 24th, 2010, 9:22pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Grandma Bear

When someone has talent, instead of being envious or resort to hate    try to learn from that person and enjoy the ride of watching their success.


Do I really need to clarify I was kidding about hating him?  

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screenrider
Posted: May 24th, 2010, 9:43pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Grandma Bear


Of course not, silly.  



Thank God.  
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mcornetto
Posted: May 24th, 2010, 11:25pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Grandma Bear


Should he really be bothered by this?  



That was such a good one. Well done!
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screenrider
Posted: May 25th, 2010, 12:03am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from mcornetto


That was such a good one. Well done!


Well done.  

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mcornetto
Posted: May 25th, 2010, 3:02am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from screenrider


Well done.  



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mcornetto
Posted: May 25th, 2010, 3:21am Report to Moderator
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Hey Z,

Figurin' I oughta be writin' somethin' down here about the script.

Westerns, however, aren't really my thang.  

I did like how you kept the tone of the action in line with the setting. It was like having a narrator with a twang along from the ride.  Or maybe that's just how I heard it in my head.

The story was simple, but it worked.  

It isn't my favourite piece that you've written but it's a good one.

Michael  
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grademan
Posted: May 25th, 2010, 8:47am Report to Moderator
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Mr Z

I heard a you. Nice writin'. Too damn nice.

I especially liked the way you kept the Western flavor in your narrative.

Gary
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screenrider
Posted: May 25th, 2010, 9:40am Report to Moderator
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Cornetto, mooned me.


Quoted from mcornetto




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Mr.Z
Posted: May 25th, 2010, 9:44am Report to Moderator
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Sorry to interrupt the planetary discussion, just wanted to thank all the readers.  

I do appreciate all the feedback, even when it comes from the haters.  


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TheRichcraft
Posted: May 25th, 2010, 12:38pm Report to Moderator
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Fascinating read, but I'm lost on a few points.

If The Miss was warning the sheriff about the bounty on his head, why wouldn't she just go ahead and name the criminal?

And why would the sheriff lend out Lydia to anyone?  I'd be afraid of losing my magic weapon if I did that.

Couldn't The Miss have kept the criminal occupied until the sheriff shot him?
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Mr.Z
Posted: May 25th, 2010, 7:23pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the read and comments.


Quoted from TheRichcraft
If The Miss was warning the sheriff about the bounty on his head, why wouldn't she just go ahead and name the criminal?


The Miss wasn't there to warn the Sheriff, actually. She was teasing/testing him in order to know what kind of man he was. She was seriously considering collecting the bounty herself at the beginning of the story.


Quoted from TheRichcraft
And why would the sheriff lend out Lydia to anyone?  I'd be afraid of losing my magic weapon if I did that.


This is a good point. I tried to address this in the rewrite which still isn't posted. In the new version, The Miss never leaves the room with that gun. We'll see if it works.


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