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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Becoming a Property Tycoon Moderators: bert
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  Author    Becoming a Property Tycoon  (currently 4301 views)
Alex_212
Posted: June 21st, 2012, 6:40am Report to Moderator
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Thanks Kellie,

Glad to hear you enjoyed it as I really had a blast writing it.

I feel the big smile at the end revealing his past will have a hidden and subtle, "I stuck it up them all"
and even leave a few questions unanswered.

I did look at doing the fairy tale ending where he becomes wealthy, though it may have been predictable
and may not have given a message that would make the viewer think further. I am sure it will work well on the screen.

Hopefully one day I can post a link to the movie If I ever get a producer.

Regards Alex


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Alex_212
Posted: June 23rd, 2012, 8:30pm Report to Moderator
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Hi all,

Just to let you know I have updated the link to use Dropbox so edits are a lot faster.

The current version has had even more fluff removed so hopefully it is an even easier read.

Regards Alex


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Alex_212
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 2:00am Report to Moderator
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Hi All,

Just after some advice with this one ! I have had a few producers keen on this one, and one in NY who was looking at adapting it to a similar location in NY though they have disappeared of the face of the earth.

Just curious if anyone thinks I should adapt this script to a generic location and drop off the Sydney location, even renaming it to "Becoming a Property Tycoon" ????

What do you think ?? Would a producer be so short sighted to not realize he can adapt it to other locations?

Regards Alex


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Earl
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 3:20pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from nawazm11


Not sure why the scenes are numbered.

Mohammad


I have seen it in a few feature scripts like the Fifth Element if you get a chance its a good read, but read it has numbers by every INT. EXT change.


Quoted from Alex_212

Just curious if anyone thinks I should adapt this script to a generic location and drop off the Sydney location, even renaming it to "Becoming a Property Tycoon" ????

What do you think ?? Would a producer be so short sighted to not realize he can adapt it to other locations?


I could easily see this adapted, even though its becoming a sydney property tycoon theres not that much of references to syndney itself aside from the SYDNEY HARBOUR BRIDGE and the SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE i believe, remove those and turn the foreshore scene where he is taking a stroll in the park just label it as a park. I could easily imagine this taking place near the new york central park or some other large city because the feel is there.

....

When I first saw the title I thought it was a comedy and the idea would make a great feature length comedy IMO, but its a good read my only objection is that it felt like a slow read, yet im not sure how if could be fixed but nicely done.

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Alex_212
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 10:11pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Earl,

I will rename and trim out the references to Sydney, therefore making it more generic.

I have had a lot of interest in the screenplay as it is a bit of lighthearted fun and will be great to watch.

Never thought of incorporating this into a feature though it could be a comedy and much can be added to it. Great idea and I will keep that in mind.

The parts that are slower to read are probably because of all the back and forth during the construction of the house, I can do this in a series of Quickflash's though not sure if it would be as effective on film. More thought there.

Thanks for your post.

Alex


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Earl
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 10:41pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Alex_212

The parts that are slower to read are probably because of all the back and forth during the construction of the house, I can do this in a series of Quickflash's though not sure if it would be as effective on film. More thought there.


Those parts felt fine for the flow, I wouldn't change those keep those as is.
It was more of when he made it to the bank the vibe changed to where it was more of a soft light comedy because some of it made me smile and the end made me laugh abit, so the tempo changed there abit.
As I think about it if it was labeled a Drama, Comedy vs just a Drama It would feel right.
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Alex_212
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 11:41pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Earl,

I guess Scott's personality changes as he puts on the suit and becomes someone else ? Not sure if this is what has caused the change as it is a bit of a Dr Jeckel Mr Hyde type effect.

Once people relate to him more maybe he opens up more and hence the flow of the script changes ???

I will go over the bank part and see where it needs changing, I think previous comments did mention the strength of the bank managers character so I will look at a rewrite to this part and see how i can change it to read easier.

Much appreciated Earl.

Thanks Alex


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Alex_212
Posted: September 23rd, 2012, 6:06am Report to Moderator
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Hi all,

Just to let you know this screenplay has just gone through a name change and a logline change to make it more location generic. Thanks Don for updating the thread.

For those of you who have not read it b4 please have a read and let me know your thoughts.

Alex


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