Steve

Good to see you around, glad you enjoyed it

Quoted from Simon The devil as a midget, I liked - making him a non-threat, had echoes of 'Usual Suspects' "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." ... or in your case, convincing us (Jesus) that he wasn't a threat.

I was also adding to the comedy element, having a midget in shitty dollar store goat costume, kinda plays off a little better.

Quoted from Simon The use of Rachel, I liked. Again, subtext that I'm not convinced you were aware of --Rachel, meaning Ewe,

Oh yeah I totally mean't that .

Thanks for the read and feedback Simon

Just remember, good always gets the bubble wrap

Mark

Mark

Cool title, I’m presuming this will be Scorsese inverted!

“His body and mind has punished, while fasting for forty long
hard days and nights.”

- Unfilmable. How are we supposed to know this? The dialogue later explains it so leave it out here.

Had to laugh at the Facebook reference.

MIDGET
(still glancing over
facebook)
Ohh. That's not what Rachel said
and she got quite a few likes.

- Good line.

“A horse appears, as Jesus has fallen on his knees.”

- Reads awkwardly. How about:

“A horse appears as Jesus falls to his knees.”

I know it’s only a four pager but the ending felt a little weak. I guess I was waiting for a punchline or twist or perhaps for Jesus to give into temptation in the most ignoble way possible. I enjoyed the satirical tone, the cheap devil suit wearing midget was a suitably random addition but overall it felt a little flat.

Interesting comedic material to be mined nonetheless, I always love a bit of irreverence in the arts!

Col.

Quoted from Col I know it’s only a four pager but the ending felt a little weak. I guess I was waiting for a punchline or twist or perhaps for Jesus to give into temptation in the most ignoble way possible. I enjoyed the satirical tone, the cheap devil suit wearing midget was a suitably random addition but overall it felt a little flat.

Maybe that was the catholic in me, that let him win... but I figured giving him everything in the end was a twist.

Thanks for the read and feedback Col

Mark

And here was me thinking this was a playful jab at good ole Jesus H Christ and abstinence. Oh dear.

I get what you’re saying though, Mark, and in a way, it did subvert my expectations.

Hey Mark,

I'm a bit late though had to do it mate.

Didn't read any comments above so I apologise if I am repeating anything.

I am a big fan of "Life of Brian" so I can relate to this type of humor.

Apart from a few minor errors in the writing, the story is great and got a giggle or two from it. Great job.

Just a few minor things I picked up along the way:-

"while fasting for forty long hard days and nights" This can't be filmed ??
Maybe an action line: "His rib bones are visible through his bare skinned chest"
This will give the idea he has not eaten much in some time.

MIDGET
Hell no. Do you how much they're
asking?... three hundred grand.

Do you know how much ......... Missing word.

Since he hadn't eaten for 40 days and nights I thought you may have tempted him with some fried chicken or some type of food ??? Maybe after dinner mints !!!!

Loved the read and the bubble wrap was the best part.

Regards Alex

Quoted from Col And here was me thinking this was a playful jab at good ole Jesus H Christ and abstinence. Oh dear.

Hey Col

I also thought my script was just a playful jibe at old Jesus and every other peep saw it that way except Michael  

Michael I would honestly rather you told me that you hated it, than quote the bible. It does nothing for feedback and it comes off as a red rag to a bull for me.  

Even though I was born and raised catholic, my kids are catholic, my wife is catholic, the one thing that drives me against religion, is when people ram it down your throat. Everyone has a right to believe in what they want. I don't need to be preached the bible, on a simple comedy short that involves Jesus, a midget and bubble wrap!!!

There are more than 730 established Religions in the world which are broken out into more than 3200 different sects. Christianity, for example is 1 of the major religions but has more than 200 sub sects, each with their own unique traditions and interpretations of the bible... you obviously have yours, Michael... just leave it at and also leave your quotes off my script site please.

Thank you

Mark

Quoted from Michael On a positive note; your writing style has improved quite a bit.

Thanks Michael for your kind words

Quoted from Alex Apart from a few minor errors in the writing, the story is great and got a giggle or two from it. Great job.

Thanks Alex, glad you liked it.

Mark

Yo Mark!

Promised I'd give this one a read, so here I am.

The midget thing makes a lot more sense. As I'm sure you don't recall, I read your scripts out of order. I read the follow up to this first.

Regardless, I thought this script was a mixed bag for me (very much like your other script). I like the idea of Jesus on social media. Not sure if it gels well with the 40 days/40 nights in the desert ordeal. In fact, I saw a lot of missed potential here. I liked the bubble wrap thing, but I thought it could be encorporated better. In fact, I'd have Satan with a quick series of things that are nearly impossible to resist. Like a rapid fire, one after the other.

I would also ground this one in truth. Examine the real story and play upon that. What you have here is very random and a bit hard to follow. If you parody the original story (and I do mean story), then you pack a bit more punch.

But overall I enjoyed this one. Keep on fighting the good fight and remember to stay on the path of the straight and narrow...err I mean winding and broad.

Your brother in Christ,
wb

Hey Will

Thanks for the read, back in reply 48, that was actually about the script.

Quoted from Padre Will I would also ground this one in truth. Examine the real story and play upon that.

I thought I did, based on what I read.

Glad you enjoyed it

and peace be with you

Mark

Hey Mark,

I fuckin' loved this. Probably one of the best I've read so far this year.

As others have said, don't change the title to "Jesus and the Midget." The title you have now is much more fitting and an even bigger attention-grabber.

I thought the temptations you came up with got progressively funnier. I thought the red button could've been even funnier if it had the word "easy" written on the top. Google that if you don't get it.

The temptation with the iPhone was pretty obvious, but I thought it could've been funnier if you maybe singled out a service provider like Sprint for the lousy reception.

I was grinning ear to ear when Satan pulled out the bubble wrap. Even I want some right now.

The whole time I was reading this, I saw a little bit of John Leguizamo's Clown from that terrible Spawn movie in the character of the midget. At least that type of energy. I could see Tony Cox pulling off the role perfectly.

Actually, I think this entire short would be most effective if done in flash animation.

Great job with this. It was funny as hell.

No pun intended.

Chris

Hey Chris

Thanks for the read

Quoted from Chris Actually, I think this entire short would be most effective if done in flash animation.

This is what I'm hoping for, I'm writing a series. the 2nd one is up here "The unlikely last supper".

I think animation would be the best way to go.

Thanks again

Mark

I'm waiting for "The Unlikely Loaves and Fishes" myself.


Phil

Quoted from Phil I'm waiting for "The Unlikely Loaves and Fishes" myself.

Believe or not,  that was next in line

Mark

Quoted from irish eyes Believe or not,  that was next in line.

Fish sandwiches again?  Jesus Christ!  Is he the son of God or Arthur Treacher's?


Phil

Quoted from Phil Fish sandwiches again?  Jesus Christ!  Is he the son of God or Arthur Treacher's?

You're way ahead of me

Mark