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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Automatic Drive Moderators: bert
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  Author    Automatic Drive  (currently 4979 views)
MarkRenshaw
Posted: April 7th, 2015, 2:41am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Colkurtz8

You still have to wonder why Ryan tries to get their attention when he knows its futile but I get that in such a situation, desperation and panic takes over.
Col.


Indeed, he’s desperate. Also to him, he can’t understand why people are voting to move the remains of the wreckage when he thinks they can clearly see the extent of the damage and the trapped person inside on their view screens.  He shouts out “Vote option one!”,  indicating he’s been on the other side of the coin and has voted on accidents in the past. Ryan has no idea that TechStorm are doctoring the footage to show a different, far less serious version of events.

Although he personally has never looked outside at the accident for himself and has always viewed it through technology, stood there in front of hundreds of stationary vehicles he can’t fathom why at least one person doesn’t pop their heads out.  This one of the points of the story, to explore how technology can make us socially isolated and dehumanise us if we let it run our lives.  

That leads me nicely onto the next comment!


Quoted from Iancou
Mark,
Liked it. At the risk of sounding overly philosophical, Automatic Drive showed just how dehumanizing technology can be as well as how we are becoming more detached from each other through the use of social media that frequently abbreviates normal face-to-face interactions.  This detached perspective negatively affects our empathy for others, especially in disaster situations, calling into question whether we are becoming less human as we advance technologically. You captured all of this nicely... or did I read more into this than you intended?
Ian


Hi Ian and no you’ve hit the nail right on the head. I do try to have multi-layers and meanings in my stories, even if sometimes I’m the only one who knows about them lol so it is nice someone else has picked up on some intended aspects of the tale.

My latest short (shameless self-plug) is up called The Man Behind the Curtain and this one is the most symbolic, multi-layered story I’ve ever attempted. I doubt most will get the true intention behind the story but that was deliberate in this instance.

Cheers for the read and kind words.

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
MarkRenshaw  -  April 7th, 2015, 5:51am
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Colkurtz8
Posted: April 7th, 2015, 10:39am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw
Indeed, he’s desperate. Also to him, he can’t understand why people are voting to move the remains of the wreckage when he thinks they can clearly see the extent of the damage and the trapped person inside on their view screens.  He shouts out “Vote option one!”,  indicating he’s been on the other side of the coin and has voted on accidents in the past. Ryan has no idea that TechStorm are doctoring the footage to show a different, far less serious version of events.

Although he personally has never looked outside at the accident for himself and has always viewed it through technology, stood there in front of hundreds of stationary vehicles he can’t fathom why at least one person doesn’t pop their heads out.  This one of the points of the story, to explore how technology can make us socially isolated and dehumanise us if we let it run our lives.


- Ah, yes this is true. I forgot that he would be under the impression the computer screens were telling the truth in previous accidents so there is no reason why they wouldn't be doing any different here in showing the severity of this crash.

Then again, since Techstorm's sole objective is the keep traffic loving no matter what, wouldn't people get suspicious over time that every crash is minor? I guess its easier to accept this and be grateful than question it too much.

So yeah, it works that Ryan is frantic and wondering why people aren't helping him.

Oh and thanks for checking out "Broadcast'. I will respond to your comments asap.


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DanC
Posted: April 15th, 2015, 1:39am Report to Moderator
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Hi there,
    I read your story, and it was good, but you use the word "IS" a lot.  I have been told you NEVER want to use it in an action setting.

Also, I was really confused in one part.  The accident.  Did the other cars see the trouble, or were the outsides of the cars purposely deceived so that traffic could be kept moving?  I have seen a fatality and it's pretty horrific.  Pretty sure the others would have recognized someone if not dead, in dire need of attention.

Now, if they picked option 2 on purpose, that's a whole other story, or if they were deceived on purpose so that the technology appears safer then it really is, that's another story too.

I think you can use the intercut when going back and forth like that.  It would make it easier.

Otherwise, it was good.

Best of luck with it,
Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: April 15th, 2015, 2:50am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DanC
Hi there,
    I read your story, and it was good, but you use the word "IS" a lot.  I have been told you NEVER want to use it in an action setting.

Also, I was really confused in one part.  The accident.  Did the other cars see the trouble, or were the outsides of the cars purposely deceived so that traffic could be kept moving?  I have seen a fatality and it's pretty horrific.  Pretty sure the others would have recognized someone if not dead, in dire need of attention.

Now, if they picked option 2 on purpose, that's a whole other story, or if they were deceived on purpose so that the technology appears safer then it really is, that's another story too.

I think you can use the intercut when going back and forth like that.  It would make it easier.

Otherwise, it was good.

Best of luck with it,
Dan


Thanks Dan. I have some bad habits I've picked up and maybe using IS...err...is... one of them. I'll have to keep an eye out for that.

As for the cars the screens are all blacked out, internally they view the outside word via virtual viewscreens which shows them anything from a computer game or TV show to a sunset on a beach to what is actually going on outside....or what they believe is going on outside. I think I need to make that more clearer.

-Mark



For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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DanC
Posted: April 15th, 2015, 3:16pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Mark,
    Yeah, we need to know they are being lied to.  I think that is extremely insidious.  Make them think ti's a minor jam when it fact, there are mortalities about.  

I'd like to see you include another car, so that there are bodies sewn about, but, all they see are a few people walking around slowly.  That contrast wold be enough to show us that they are being lied to.

I know you based your story on what is happening now.  I just read an article about these cars will make people who have motion sickness issues pretty ill.  They won't be able to read a paper or watch TV.  They will have to study the road.

I don't know how much tech stuff you read, I tend to find myself gravitated towards the fantasy aspect of tech, but, not too long ago, a guy built a perfect robot utopia for automated cars.  They were in a city and each car was programmed to drive safely and be courteous and obey the laws.

Well, everything was fine for a while.  I think he had 13 cars.  Then, one of the cars AI programs malfunctioned and it started to purposely bang into cars.  

So, he took out that car for fear that it could corrupt the other AI units.  

Later on, another car's AI started to do the same thing.  Again, he took it out.

Then another. and so on.


He determined that intelligent things can't play nice.  Something in the programming of AI and people makes us "act out" in some way.  It was a fascinating read.

If you add that in with Universe 25 and you really have some food for thought.  If you don't know what universe 25 is, it's a scary read.  This scientist  named John Calhoun created the perfect rat utopia.  It was the 25th such utopia made by him in his studies.

There was ample housing, ample food, ample space for up to a few hundred rodents.  He put 6 in, 3 male, 3 female.  

Everything was great for a while, then the population went out of control and swelled beyond the max, up to (I think) over 2000.  The population went nuts.  Rats turned on each other.  Instead of just eating the food, they attacked each other for no reason and resorted to cannibalism instead of the food.

Males attacked the females.  Both attacked the children.  Females lost the ability to care for their young.  

Several of them retreated to the top of this world.  They watched the carnage happen and did nothing to stop it, yet, they also didn't partake in it.  They watched, eat, slept and groomed themselves and each other.  Eventually, they stopped eating, but continued to groom themselves and each other.

Within a few years, this utopian society had totally died off.  Every rat died even though there was ample housing and food available (with no predators).  The ones on top lost interest in sex and food and just allowed themselves to die.

The entire population went extinct.

On a side note, that was the year that Soylent Green came out and many thought the movie was about this failed experiment.  There are some fascinating books and reads about whether or not this could happen (or is happening) to us.  Apparently, once any animal is broken, they can't ever be fixed.  A few of these rats were put elsewhere, but, it was too late.  They were already broken, and nothing could save them.

Like I said, it's a fascinating and scary read.  

Hope that helps you.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: November 20th, 2018, 4:02am Report to Moderator
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Sorry for the bump, but Automatic Drive has been published as a short story, in a collection of sci-fi stories called The Singularity 50.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Singu.....-ebook/dp/B07HY7Q4Y1

It is the first story in the book!

Just a bit of backstory. When I wrote this as a script it became my most popular script, but everyone said it was too expensive to producer. They were correct, but I couldn't let it go.

I decided to use it as a bit of prose practice and tried turning into a short story. It was tougher than I thought. I started off writing prose but switched to screenplays years ago.  It was quite tricky switching back but I loved the experience.

I was chuffed with the result, then spotted a competition asking for short sci-fi stories set over the next 50 years charting the rise and gradual transcendence of artificial intelligence. Automatic Drive seemed the perfect fit, so I entered and it won a spot.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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