Hey Steven,

Sorry it took a couple of days more than I quoted you to read this, but I read it. Several times, in fact.

I wish I could say I re-read it because I loved it so much, but I was actually confused. Personally, I got the feeling that you had a very specific theme to convey, but you were trying so hard to keep it simple that you left out some very important information.

As far as I could tell, the 'prologue' on the boat had no bearing on the rest of the story. At first, I thought Hope was the lady in the Captain's picture, but the Captain was on a steamer--which is a rare find these days--and Hope was using a laptop. So that didn't work. I can only think of one time where a prologue had no direct impact on the rest of a story: A Serious Man. But even then, you can't argue that it didn't at least set the tone for the rest of the story.

The Ray and Hope segment didn't work for me, either. I didn't really understand what you were telling us about them or their relationship. All I gleaned was they were married at one point, had a kid, then got divorced. When they were together, it seemed like they were distant, but we aren't given enough to know why. Given my openness to consider a range of possibilities for mysteries like this, I wasn't even sure if they were supposed to be distant. It could've been a miscommunication or my own bias supposing that. While the divorce seemed to reinforce the distance, it still didn't provide any more insight into how Ray and Hope reached that point.

The letters were also puzzling. Who put the D-I-V-R-C-E on the fridge? Hope or Ray? If it was her and he changed it back to L-V-E, then she's probably never going to see that if she's already split. So what's the point? If he put it the original up and then changed it before she woke up, then that's a huge difference. But for no more than we're given, either scenario is equally plausible.

Lastly, the mini-slugs didn't make this any easier to read. With the amount of mini-slugs you used, it felt like they were being used to indicate particular shots without giving camera directions, rather than outright describing the action. Personally, I have no problem using mini-slugs to make minor location changes. What causes me grief is when a paragraph of--

ACTION

is cut off by a mini-slug. Oh, that really gets--

ME

!!!!

See?

To end on a positive note, I do think when your actions and descriptions are easier to read, they're great. Some of the descriptions seemed unnecessary, but that only happened one or two times. At first, I thought the letters would be unnecessary, but they played a larger role later.

Keep experimenting, though. Sometimes things work and sometimes they don't. When they do, you look like a genius for being different.

Jordan,

Thank you for reading.  Yeah, it def seems that all those mini-pseudo-whatever they are-slugs were a waste of time.  Concensus says it detracted from the story, so point well taken.  And yes, I did try to throw in a lot of clues to hint at where the story was, is, and was going.  I guess I'll stand by my decision to do certain things, like combining two different stories.  The boat scene was the last one written because when I finished I felt it need something more, so I had to find a way to make it fit.  That's where the "theme" came into place.  Perhaps a bit forced, but I tried to make it painless and readable as possible.  Actually, I'm kinda happy there was a lot of speculation on this piece.  It's not for everyone--agreed.  But it def made people think, and I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing at all.

Dan,

We're on the same wavelength, pal.  A day or so ago, I was trying to figure out the name of that movie -- A Serious Man -- because it reminded me so much of what I was going for here.  The Coen's are def tops on my list of film makers.

You also got the steamer reference, which I used purposely to try and date the opening sequence, as it does take place in the past.

Hope and Ray are present time.  No, they are not divorced, just going through a rough patch, as evidenced through the first flashback, where Hope has the upper hand.

The second flashback (within the first flashback) shows a lovemaking session.  At one point, Ray, on top of Hope, has her hands pinned down to the bed.  Read:  Ray has the upper hand.

Then back to original flashback.

Then back to present time.  (Confused yet?)

No one has arranged the letters DIV RCE, they simply arrange that way in Ray's mind, as they are being highlighted to spell the word.  Minus the O, of course.

Before he leaves the house is where Ray arranges the letters himself to spell out the
word LVE.

Then we see the missing letter O.

The captain of the ship has seen his share of rough seas, I'm sure.  Hence, the theme of the work.  And steady as she goes.

Aside from all the unnecessary mini-type slugs I used, I kinda liked this piece more than my others.  It seemed more complete, IMO.  And call me crazy, but I actually dug that people had trouble figuring it out.  That, of course, was not my intention.  But it inspired thought, both good and bad.  And to me, that's sort of the purpose, I guess.

Steve