Thanks Steven,

Agreed. The last sentence/picture can change quiet a lot, right up to everything.

I'm glad that, for you, this final part was delivering a kind of positive impact with regard to the whole foregone script.

Yes, it needs work. I'll develop the script further. Some passing time will help.

Hey Dan,

Seems that it worked for you.

So, I come to your SPOILERS. ?  

I can say- the direction you see it isn't completely wrong. But no, it's not about A.I.
The meaning which the word Singularity should been given to here, is: the writer's whims, settled habits, linear ways to slowly come forward and finally finish the work. A stiff unavoidable workflow and behavior which end up in productivity. I choose the word Singularity to describe that. The meaning is: One person, does one unavoidable thing, then a next unavoidable thing.... to finally produce one manuscript.

1. He must leave the love and connection for the last script which flew in the bin. 2. Withstand the time where he doesn't know what to write next. Etc. etc.

Next manuscript – same singularity - same exam.
No wonder will throw a finished book on his table. One step, one step, one step....

Quoted from Last Fountain If not, well, maybe the author uses a pseudonym suggesting the aforementioned.

That's very close. I've done a fail in the execution. You can read my following reply to J.S.. There I try to explain what should have been going on in the end and which fails have destroyed the message I was aiming for.
Thanks for the insight

P.S.,

Thanks for the format explanation. I think, "a beat" is too cold in case of exact this kind of melodramatic style scripts.

2. The calendar- checked.


"It reminded me, when I read it, of a film by Bela Tarr or Andrei Tarkovsky."

I will watch out for their works. Don't think I saw any of them before.

Quoted from J.S. Are you saying the premise of the story that he finishes at the end is somehow related to the struggle he experienced during the writing process? Your ending is certainly brighter than everything that preceded it. I don't know what execution problems you are seeing. Do you want it to not seem too bright? Keep some sense of uncertainty towards his future after he's finished his work? -J.S.

Your first question I answer with a big YES. That's the point. I hope I can explain to you where I feel I destroyed that impact, where it lacks.

Perhaps I can explain it better by reference to the end:


---

JULIAN
You should write about something you're experienced with...? Pff. Perhaps it's enough for this time, Mr. Publisher...

He looks at his fresh printed manuscript at the table top.

JULIAN
Hmm. I've forgotten the title page.

... The cover page slowly comes out of the printer, shows up the manuscript title:
THE ESTABLISHED DEPRESSION

Below the famous words "written by" appears the author's name, a
Singu Larity

The picture of Julian's loft, the world of paper, freezes for a while.

---

Implying by dialogue Julian indeed has written a script about his hard work was simply wrong. He did not, for me.
That is a big mistake of mine. I was too insecure... about what I do here. The way it is here, I did both

1 (especially) let him write "the est. depr." (I implied that clearly)
2 and I tried to let the cover page deliver a metaphor  for the whole dilemma he goes through

(don't know if the metaphor even came through at all with regard to the first of both points). It's a contradiction. I was too insecure and failed. I cannot do both at same time.

I rather wanted to show that the pattern: The established depression written by Singu Larity mirrors metaphorical how it is/was/will (be) possible for Julian to produce on and on.

I should have let him step out of the focus, to deliver it better. I mean: Imagine he wouldn't speak the dialogue and he wouldn't stand next to the printer. He's not in the picture. Then only the title page comes out of the printer and we focus again the world of paper and Fade out.

So, the title and writer's name was a placeholder for everything:

For     The games we play– written by Julian Budd
        Prison Break- written by Julian Budd

        etc. etc.

I'm not precise. All yours peoples' opinions are right. Daniel, for example, didn't see it minimalistic and interpreted it larger, straight in the other direction. The first and second commenter felt the ending was direct, too otn, and flat (that's how I reflected it).

The precision isn't as good as it should be for delivering the message successfully.

Without you all, I couldn't see that

https://www.dropbox.com/s/oqtiteyb6599eua/Heute2.pdf?dl=0

This is a rewrite of "The Established Depression" called

A Writer This Piece Of Shit We Think

I wrote this half-drunken, today. It's full of prose, asides  -  no games so to say. I didn't check it trazillion times as usual, so it's definitely an overly fully ESL script. Worse than ever.

It's dedicated to you writers here. And especially to Don, Nick Sedario, Libby Chambers, James Stampp and Steven Clark.

It's okay if you hate it. I personally think it's a script about writing that nobody has written before yet in its idiocy and pragmatic manner.

Alex, great ('stream of consciousness' or rather 'inebriated state') let it all hang out writing here. Not to take away from the story though, this is a terrific idea for a 'no dialogue' piece.

There are indeed, (as you've noted), quite a few ESL instances with the writing but the visuals of the poor 'groundhog day' put-upon writer, and the cycle of rejection you've done really well and I was entertained by it. There's lots of humour, nods to what we go through daily, the procrastination/navel gazing (or least at the moon) the never say die - giving up, getting drunk, then starting all over again - terrific stuff.

The visual of the papers strewn about to the point the writer can't move made me chuckle. You want to call them 'sheets of paper' btw at the top of the story - cause my first impression was that they were bed sheets. The visual of the writer being overwhelmed, hardly able to move for all the paper around him, then cleaning up, yet still bending down to save some of the drafts to start all over again, is great stuff and very relatable.

Loved the hoity-toity publisher too. PASS   And the symbolism of the manuscript weighing down the Writer as he exits the publisher's building and chooses the cigarette, ha.

The Series Of Shots could be condensed I feel - it goes on just a bit too long. And edit some of the longer description lines - but I get this is a first draft.

Finally, the SUPER: A Writer This Piece of Shit We Think- I think I know what you mean... but something is definitely getting lost in the translation here - it needs rewording.

Also have a think: I kind of like the idea that the (post-script/SUPER) in fact reveals the Writer is not actually a shit writer, but that the final message is that he just keeps on keeping on, until he finally produces that masterpiece.

Like I said, bit of a spit n polish this would make a great no dialogue short. Oh, and I'm rather chuffed I got a shout out. Thanks Alex.

Hey, thanks for your thoughts, Libby. You always were so helpful with correcting my ESL and showed great insight into my scripts' content, as the others I mentioned above - just meant as a Thank You. And indeed a stream of easy and few thinking made this rewrite. Was just about time I guess. There wasn't any hours-long, days-long correction from my sight. It just left my server as written.

I brought the Established Depression to its essence I believe.

The title is worded a bit odd – I thought about using the commas but left them out.  Made it pretty radical.  (I hope Don has no Problems with the cursing )

It's meant as an indirect speech from the sight of the society and what they think about creative who don't work in real economy. So it's pretty direct on the other hand. Not sure if it works as I want it to, regarding your response. (The actual meaning with punctuation would be: YOU WRITER! YOU ARE USELESS! WE ALL DO THINK THAT ABOUT YOU!) Perhaps the original is to eloquent or better said distracting yet.

I think creative and people who deal with culture in general get more and more into hostile territory today, probably it was never different though. So, I wanted to show the Writer as a working part of society while so many seem to think it is a joke what they/we are doing.

The writer is lost most of the times. Crawling like a dog watching his notes. Seeing some light from time to time only. Hope I brought this all to the top.

@ the series of shot works, in my head, more as a flicker book of repeating events. We're not
for seconds in each shot. More than that it all flies by, showing the writers workflow, discipline and stamina.

Hey, here is my very last draft of The Established Depression. At least it is what it feels like. Somehow cool seeing a first script in English ready.

It has a new title and is 4p only. Here is the dropbox link:

World of Paper


The script is my approach on "writing", an unpopular theme, I know. Nevertheless, I think the visuals and metaphors could give a nice insight into our craft.

Probably, I reboot it with a fresh thread soon.

Thanks to those who helped along the way.

@Libby Thanks for your notes again, considered them. I also backpedaled a bit from the last version concerning the aggressive tone (title and so on) rather tried to open it up and eventually went the other way round.

My first read of this script. I quite liked it. It conveys the message.

Only one food for thought comment - if you ever wanted to change this to a single location for budget purposes  you could have the "passed" script mailed to him (i.e., he waits in his now tidy apartment).

Good job. I enjoyed it.

Code INT. LOFT APARTMENT –RESTROOM –NIGHT Writer pisses. INT. LOFT APARTMENT –LIVING ROOM -NIGHT Writer lights a cigarette, walks back to the sofa.He grasps few script pages from the table, flips through it with his swollen eyes. Puts them back. He scratches his head, some ash drops on a sheet of paper on the floor. The glow vanishes. He just lets it be. The moon wandered,not visible through the slit anymore.

Got to here and I'm still wondering if he washed his hands or not. Judging by the state of the room, I'd guess not.

I agree with Dave, no need for the publisher's office. It's something a little different... but writing isn't as bad as all that. You make writing appear quite laborious... no wonder if the Writer is drunk all the time, I suppose.

Like I said, it's something a bit different than the norm. I don't agree with it, but it's your story and, I take it, somewhat autobiographical?

Thanks for the read, guys.

In case of the location change; and writing it out; I thought about it before but it belongs to the narration (budget is no anyway here). The two major points for leaving it in were, don't know if you understand,

1. Staying all along in the Loft makes him too robotic, and unreal. I tried to exaggerate the cliché of a writer but I don't want him to appear 100% artificial, fictive, isolated, and romanticized. That'd turn viewers off. It's why I also need the Mechanic; could be a gardener though.

2. I fear the viewers, who are not familiar with writing, can connect easier that way. They see him getting definite rejection while a pass mail could mean "pass what?" to them. The viewer experiences there's an industry that he needs to overcome. Makes it more touchable so to say.

Dustin, I think what you'd call the norm isn't the common norm at all. Even a lot of the best fought with each and every word; although the visuals are exaggerated and taken to the top for sure. I never understood you don't see your own workflow as different, since you many times offensive stated how much fun writing is to you and how easy you go along. Perhaps it's subjectivity but I think you're the exception, more than you recognize.

The washing hands thing sounds nasty. I don't think he's like that but it's interesting you see a possibility that made you think he is. I clear that up and change it.

The drinking: I only let him take the booze once. I hope you realized the series of shots could be weeks, even months. Although again, the norm is writers are pretty open to that anyway. The cliché is cigarette and red wine.

The stuff about me: I over pictured it. When I was learning, starting, I was a bit like that. But I change, changed, and every script I write at all is a new adventure. Some need endless research. Some flow and need nothing - those are just there. However, I also think Writer is a "real" writer, not a screenwriter. They got larger confrontation with dramaturgy I believe, and write bigger arcs and all that, have heavier construction to tackle.

Almost forgot, Dustin, you said you don't agree, as if I showed an idol you must agree with. Don't know. To me it's more important if you got empathy. It's even good when some don't like him and some do. That's what I'd interpret a three-d character. So, hope you dislike him at least.