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After the disappointment of the Option lapsing on this one I've just found out it has made it into the semi finals of the Nashville Film Festival script comp in Best Short Thriller/Horror category
Hey Anthony, thought I would check out the competition
I have to say I'm glad I don't have to do that. Not sure if any others have mentioned it but it kind of reminded me of the eye ball swap in Minority report, for some reason.
Being critical I'm not sure how much the first scene added. I'm not sure what he got from it, was it the light bulbs?
Re the story, we know something is going to go wrong, so that's no surprise, the question is what and why? In a reality sense I doubt she would have to learn on the go, just like that, they would have practiced, or rehearsed, or checked it out before hand. Perhaps this could play into the scripts hands that what they rehearsed didn't work out. Or that they can only take the system so far without it going ahead etc
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Hey Bill... fortunately we're not is same category, so only competing for the overall Short prize, I hope we both win in our categories!
First scene, he buys the medical procedure cartridge for the VR helmet and it's also there to give a visual of the disintegrated society/dystopian future.
In terms of learning on the go... acute appendicitis can go from first symptoms to burst appendix in 48 hours... hence their urgency and the need to take such extreme measures. And of course it would be nowhere near as much 'fun' if they practiced
Sorry, I didn't really mean to come across as competitive. I love the fact we are both in there, and if we do compete, we have both won - that would be cool.
I feel such an emotion for those who dwell here. We may fight, disagree, but we are a community. Well, that's what I feel.
I did a funny thing tonight, which I haven't done since I was in another final, page or some thing like that. I started to look up the other writers. Have you ever done that?
It sounds weird but you know what jumps out at me...
...holly fuck these lot are highly qualified. And I'm not. I don't even know how to explain how below this lot I am. I feel like the univited guest. The skank in the corner.
I mean, serously, tonight it didnt take long to get to Harvard writing groups, several with masters in writing, directors of opera houses...sweet god. And there am I'm I.
I Failed english at o level, bet that's not not their CV.
Don't get me wrong, I love all this. I feel a touch, of the rebel, the party crasher. Care of the university of simply scripts, so eff you.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Reminds me of 'youth/education is wasted on the young'.
Just want to add, I think creative writing, is a great leveler - your 'o' or 'a' levels don't mean a thing, (or not much, anyway) or whether you're university educated etc. etc. Plenty of successful writers were never formally educated. Plenty of academically brilliant people can't string two words together to result in anything truly meaningful prose wise either. I have a friend with a journalism degree and she's forever calling on me to correct/inject life into her stuff - and I dropped out at the half way point to pursue other things.
If you can grab a reader and submerge them in your fictional world, make them feel something with your story, that's all that matters. Qualifications, even though they can be highly intimidating, mean zilch imh.
One more thing: be wary of only seeking validation through screenwriting comps. I know it's exciting when we make the cut etc., but I've come to realize, once you reach a certain level of writer know-how (i.e., you know you can write/spin a story quite well) opinions can be so subjective.
If you don't place at all, doesn't mean your work's no good. In fact I think the rejection letters/non placings can often result in that much needed non-complacency and fire in the belly - always searching to write better, technically and story wise.
Anyway, that's enough of my rant... You kinda started it though.
P.S. Apologies Anthony, for the tangent taking on your thread.
'Please One more thing: be wary of only seeking validation through screenwriting comps. I know it's exciting when we make the cut etc., but I've come to realize, once you reach a certain level of writer know-how (i.e., you know you can write/spin a story quite well) opinions can be [i]so subjective. '
Yeah, Libby, it's true. I love that stuff. competitions etc, it hurts, but I like taking part. And it's probably made me better writer.
But You know what, I really miss movie poet. I won't over do it but there was so much good in that world. How to tell story In five pages. Nothing more. It really crafted a skill. Just look at Mr Z - What a writer.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Love the post Bill and I did look up the other writers in one of the first comps I entered a couple of years ago... my observations were very similar - holy shit, what do I know!
But, turns out coming up with good ideas, telling a compelling narrative, engaging a reader... they're hard commodities to acquire just through A levels, degrees etc.
So I stopped looking, and stopped caring about who the opposition is, the only thing I can control is my script... and with the help of the great members of SS I've got steadily better at those.
Still got a long way to go, but loving the journey.
This was my favorite of yours thus far. Your last two I felt had interesting concepts but that the payoffs weren't strong enough. Here, the payoff worked for me, but honestly I feel like that's more to do with the strength of the concept itself. Definitely had me gripped and intrigued throughout.
Only two gripes here. One, the opening scene is a little too subtle with the whispering and all that. I suppose you wanted to keep the whole thing under wraps, but I honestly wasn't that intrigued until the operation started, and once it was over, I felt at a loss at some of the minutia you could've potentially spilled in the alley scene. Would've been fun for sure and peaked my interest for what was to come, or at least made me want to go back and reread the opening.
Secondly, I would've preferred a time lapse between the operation and George's awakening. No matter how blatantly fictional the operation procedure was, it would've been a good minute (colloquially, not literally) before he awoke and perhaps a little more before he was able to talk, naturally. If it's an issue of timing, you could still have the helmet blabbing in the background for a while before anyone notices. I mean, it's buggy after all.
Anyway, you've admittedly caught me a little tipsy and taking a break from House of Cards S4. Probably not the best time to read a script, but I've read scripts in similar circumstances (usually returning for a second read sober). In any case, it's rare that something will peak my interest as much as this generally but especially under said circumstances. Would take that as a credit to the script's quality.
Congrats on making it into the semi finals, Anthony. I saw this on the home page and decided to give it a read. You had me on the edge of my seat waiting for what would happen next. Enjoyable and original idea. Best of luck, Cindy
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Late to this one. Congrats on it's success. It deserves it. This was a really good short. This doesn't seem in keeping with your other work in terms if writing style. I notice some similarities, but this one is really visual and there's a certain flowing prose to it. I think it works very well here.
Great tension, high stakes. I had to look up duodenum. I didn't know what it was but I knew it couldn't be good. Yep. I was right. Congrats!
Thanks for the read, appreciated as always... and think you are right, this one is a little different, grittier and more visually motivated. Glad it worked for you and delighted you now know about duodenums