SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is September 25th, 2018, 4:58pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration

The Night Gallery 7 Week Challenge
has begun!

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Christmas in Leningrad - Filmed Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Christmas in Leningrad - Filmed  (currently 8733 views)
Don
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 11:27am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
12641
Posts Per Day
1.96
Christmas in Leningrad by Dustin Bowcott - Short, Drama - A man, starving during the siege of Leningrad, goes to extreme measures to put food on the table. - pdf, format



Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  August 31st, 2018, 1:23pm
Logged
Site Private Message
Iancou
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 2:14pm Report to Moderator
Purple



Location
Southeastern United States
Posts
164
Posts Per Day
0.09
Dustin,

This was unexpected and a gem. I liked the way you portrayed the situation and the environment. The element that really struck me about this one was not just the cannibalism you describe through action and dialogue, but the desperation conveyed and the harshness of Soviet rule where order and obedience were the primary concerns for authorities. So, in this situation, starvation was the catayst and the authorities' restrictions were obstacles to survival. The NKVD supposedly even used the threat of throwing people into pits full of hungry cannibals as a way to get information. Nicely played. Oh, and from a technical perspective, I didn't see anything in terms of grammar, punctuation, etc. of note. It was well-written and organized.

I can't help but think that this was the end of what could be a longer, maybe even a feature-length film. The siege lasted over two years, so the January 1941 date was only the beginning. Just something to think about.

Ian


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 2:22pm Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
Cheers mate. This is a feature idea that I've been wanting to write for a while. It was almost 900 days, but the winter of 40/41 was particularly harsh. The true horrors are hard to dig up... perhaps not even a writer's imagination could guess some of the things that actually went on.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 95
eldave1
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 5:38pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Southern California
Posts
3839
Posts Per Day
2.53
Nicely done.


Quoted Text
DMITRY
(nods)
I think so, mama.


Should it be Mama? (i.e., capital M)

This is a real nit - but I think the police at the graveyard should be Soldiers (i.e., it is WW II and Russia is under siege).

There is definitely a feature here.  It is an atrocity that has not really been examined in film.

Here is an interesting link to a post from an eye witness to the travesty:

http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/leningrad.htm

Good luck with this.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 3 - 95
Iancou
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 9:49pm Report to Moderator
Purple



Location
Southeastern United States
Posts
164
Posts Per Day
0.09
Dustin,

I have been thinking from a historical perspective. There are a number factors from that period that can add to the overall story. For the Soviets, Leningrad was very important. It was the old capital of St. Petersburg under the Czars and the birthplace of the revolution, so it was of immense psychological importance to them. Also, the winter palace was the home of the amber room, which was an entire room decorated in amber panels and gold leaf. The room was considered the 8th wonder of the world. Here is a wiki description of it - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amber_Room

Now as far as the siege goes, over 900 days... that is long time for you to take this story. You really chose an interesting era and situation for a setting. I hope you develop it further as I would be interested in seeing where you take it.

Ian


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 95
Josh
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 9:59pm Report to Moderator
Red



Posts
75
Posts Per Day
0.04
Holy shit, that was bleak. I could totally see this in the eyes of my mind. Well-done.

I will say that, if this was a feature, I probably wouldn't be able to finish it. Not because of lack of quality or substance, but because it would ruin me.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 95
TonyDionisio
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 11:49pm Report to Moderator
Green


Damnit, get to the point!

Location
New York
Posts
796
Posts Per Day
0.43
Dustin,

Well written, good exchange of dialog stopping short of directly telling. Russian wartime  atrocities are right on par with German ones, but then again,  when does a war not contain any?

Gl

Tony.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 4th, 2015, 3:27am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from Iancou
... so the January 1941 date was only the beginning. Just something to think about.


I've just realised... I should have changed the date to 1942. I thought Russia celebrated Christmas the same day as us, but after checking that fact, I discovered that they actually celebrate it on January 7th. So, this story was originally set in December of '41. I'll change that right away.


Quoted from eldave1
Nicely done.

Should it be Mama? (i.e., capital M)

This is a real nit - but I think the police at the graveyard should be Soldiers (i.e., it is WW II and Russia is under siege).

There is definitely a feature here.  It is an atrocity that has not really been examined in film.

Here is an interesting link to a post from an eye witness to the travesty:

http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/leningrad.htm

Good luck with this.


Thanks mate, you're right on both counts... the police will not be seen, just boots and grey coats, but yeah, soldiers may be a better word to use for the sake of imagery. Thanks for the link. I have already been there.


Quoted from Iancou
Dustin,

I have been thinking from a historical perspective. There are a number factors from that period that can add to the overall story. For the Soviets, Leningrad was very important. It was the old capital of St. Petersburg under the Czars and the birthplace of the revolution, so it was of immense psychological importance to them. Also, the winter palace was the home of the amber room, which was an entire room decorated in amber panels and gold leaf. The room was considered the 8th wonder of the world. Here is a wiki description of it - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amber_Room

Now as far as the siege goes, over 900 days... that is long time for you to take this story. You really chose an interesting era and situation for a setting. I hope you develop it further as I would be interested in seeing where you take it.

Ian


Thanks mate. It's an idea that's been sitting on my board for quite some time now. It's a big board, surrounded by other 'great' ideas I want to work on. It's always nice to be able to take one of those cards down. I'm due to start work on another feature and this one is jumping out at me now. So, I better get stuck back into my research... find some inspiration for my protag(s).


Quoted from Josh
Holy shit, that was bleak. I could totally see this in the eyes of my mind. Well-done.

I will say that, if this was a feature, I probably wouldn't be able to finish it. Not because of lack of quality or substance, but because it would ruin me.


Cheers mate. The truth is often far more frightening than fiction. I would love to find some way to turn this into an actual biopic, but I'll settle for completely fictional characters if I must.


Quoted from TonyDionisio
Dustin,

Well written, good exchange of dialog stopping short of directly telling. Russian wartime  atrocities are right on par with German ones, but then again,  when does a war not contain any?

Gl

Tony.


And our own rarely spoken about. War is an atrocity. Thanks for the read and reply mate, much appreciated.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 4th, 2015, 7:56am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Attack-Leningrad-DVD-Mira-Sorvino/dp/B002Z9HBLU

Well, it appears there was a feature out in 2007. I've just watched it and it is quite a decent story.

I think where the film fails is that it isn't sensational enough and I also think that that may be down to Russian investment in the film. Even today they (Russia) would rather people believe that they were steadfast and resolute without the need for impropriety. The film adequately shows much of what happened... the air raids, the hunger... but it avoids getting into the nitty-gritty.

Worth the watch, but I didn't really learn much aside from being given a thin slice of history.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 8 - 95
StevenClark
Posted: April 4th, 2015, 9:24pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Upstate NY
Posts
1713
Posts Per Day
0.83
Dustin,

The writing was crisp and visual. It had a certain tone to it, I can't quite describe it, but I like the way you wrote this. Definitely gives one pause regarding the subject matter, and especially the closing visual. Sounds like the reaction of Ekaterina and Dmitri would've been the same had they just found out their mortgage had been paid off for them, which I think is kind of the point here. There really is no difference and that's what makes it as strong as it is. Good job.

Steve


Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 95
DanC
Posted: April 4th, 2015, 9:39pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


Killing villains since 1980!

Location
Buffalo NY
Posts
1258
Posts Per Day
0.99
Man, that was tough.  It's odd, but, I was just reading about this.  They say that quite a few had to resort to cannibalism during that year.  It was horrific.  They say there is no greater horror then real horror like this and WW2, and they are right.

I do think this would make a good movie, but, it wouldn't be a big hit b/c it's so bleak.  You're best bet would be to do it as a documentary on this time period in Russia.  I wouldn't be able to watch it b/c it would kill me that people had to make this choice to live.

It was a fast easy read.  Good job.    


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 95
khamanna
Posted: April 5th, 2015, 4:03am Report to Moderator
Yellow



Posts
2860
Posts Per Day
0.87
Hey Dustin.

Read your short.

I liked it but I think you need to go slow on the last bit - when she's going to cut. Make her cry first, stare at his body, get angry or something. This is an important moment - I think you should take a moment there.

The first part - the first 3 pages - you could cut some. Or add some texture to their dialog, otherwise some of it sounds repetitive. If you need me to tell you what lines exactly I'm talking about let know.

And the last thing - they didn't celebrate Christmas in Leningrad. In Sankt Peterburgh now - yes. Before it was just New Years.

That's for sure. We used to put up the tree only on 30th of December. And it used to be called New Year's Tree.

Good luck to yuo with it - I really liked it. You found a new angle here.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 5th, 2015, 4:22am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from khamanna
Hey Dustin.

Read your short.

I liked it but I think you need to go slow on the last bit - when she's going to cut. Make her cry first, stare at his body, get angry or something. This is an important moment - I think you should take a moment there.


I have to disagree. There is a deliberate lack of emotion. These people have already starved, seen lots of death. I've also witnessed how numbed people can be under extreme circumstances. It's like a state of shock that will only subside once the cause has rescinded. Even then, depending upon the horrors witnessed, it could take years.


Quoted Text
The first part - the first 3 pages - you could cut some. Or add some texture to their dialog, otherwise some of it sounds repetitive. If you need me to tell you what lines exactly I'm talking about let know.


I'm not sure what you mean by texture to the dialogue. I understand repetitive, however... and, I'll look into that.


Quoted Text
And the last thing - they didn't celebrate Christmas in Leningrad. In Sankt Peterburgh now - yes. Before it was just New Years.

That's for sure. We used to put up the tree only on 30th of December. And it used to be called New Year's Tree.

Good luck to yuo with it - I really liked it. You found a new angle here.


Ah... OK. It was only a last minute thing that made me check how Russians celebrated Christmas and I got the date Jan 7th... but I see that in Soviet Russia, Christmas was not celebrated by many. I will have to rethink the title and the dialogue where Ekaterina mentions Christmas. Cheers.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 95
khamanna
Posted: April 5th, 2015, 5:38am Report to Moderator
Yellow



Posts
2860
Posts Per Day
0.87

Quoted from Dustin


I have to disagree. There is a deliberate lack of emotion. These people have already starved, seen lots of death.


My point is not this - I wanted to say that you could have a second twist there. She takes the knife and starts cutting in cold blood - if it happens too fast it looses the impact. It's appaling and thus good - I am thinking it would be more if you take a moment there.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 5th, 2015, 6:20am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from khamanna


My point is not this - I wanted to say that you could have a second twist there. She takes the knife and starts cutting in cold blood - if it happens too fast it looses the impact. It's appaling and thus good - I am thinking it would be more if you take a moment there.


Ah, OK. I see your point. I'll mull it over. Cheers.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 14 - 95
 Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006