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Instead of the father feeding his son in the opening scene, how about they are doing something non-food related, like chatting about a sport (soccer?), or talking about a movie (or a book). It shows what a "normal" life they've lived, in comparison to the cruel life they're living.
I tried to show what a normal life they'd had by the happy photograph. I actually see this film in black and white, with flashes of colour for emphasis. The photograph I would show in colour. I'd have to talk with my good friend and DoP though as he's my go to guy at the moment for filming knowledge. Black and white with flashes of colour would need to be done right to avoid groans about cliche. But, that's the way I see it... and without influence from anyone else, that is how I would film it.
In regard to the conversation... as much as I like the idea, it doesn't fit with the child's feverish state. However, it could always be a one way conversation while the father tries to soothe him. I do agree, bringing food into it doesn't quite fit either. But the one way conversation sounds like the way to go here. Thanks again.
Great short, loved it, some of the descriptions are top notch - dirty, meaty fingers - can see it in my minds eye.
Couple of suggestions/comments 1) If the poverty/hunger was so extreme would they have a picture/lithograph calendar? 2) Might be me, probably is, but I was rooting for Pyotr to kill Dimitry, I think filicide could be more tragic.
Tonally reminded me a little of City of Life and Death - great movie.
Well established from the first line. The bleak and emotionless feeling really worked here, especially in the dialogue. The exchanges said a lot with few lines imo. I guess it's open to interpretation whether Pyotr did it mainly as a noble deed out of love for his family or whether he was just tired of it all. The way I saw it, it was both with main emphasis on the latter.
I'm not sure how much Ekaterina waking up and looking around in panic fits in here, especially considering the lack of reaction once she finds him. It also makes it too obvious that something big's coming imo.
Dmitry's miraculous recovery, too. Is it supposed to show that the big sacrifice could have possibly been in vain? Not sure. Maybe it would work better if switched around? She wakes up, heads to the kitchen, sees the body, carves in. Then she goes to Dmitry who's suffering in his bed, offers him a plate and says that god has blessed them on Christmas day -- and fade out on that?
Great short, loved it, some of the descriptions are top notch - dirty, meaty fingers - can see it in my minds eye.
Couple of suggestions/comments 1) If the poverty/hunger was so extreme would they have a picture/lithograph calendar? 2) Might be me, probably is, but I was rooting for Pyotr to kill Dimitry, I think filicide could be more tragic.
Tonally reminded me a little of City of Life and Death - great movie.
So overall - cracking!
Anthony
Yes, I'm assuming people did have photographs. Although I will double check that. They don't hold value and are inedible, I think.
The calendar is a bit of a push... I suppose it could be state-supplied... I don't think it matters too much. So long as it's done right.
While I agree with your latter point, it would detract from the story I want to tell. The story of that period, according to the stats, were that women made most of the tough survival decisions (the cannibalism and killing for meat). It was also mostly men that died of starvation. That tells me that the men would do their duty and provide for their families, often going without themselves so that their children could eat. Women tend to be lighter anyway and don't require as much food. So, if men and women ate equally, then as a matter of course, more men would starve to death. In essence, this is men laying down their lives for their families and that is what Pyotr's death shows. The choices made in this story have been made with consideration.
Well established from the first line. The bleak and emotionless feeling really worked here, especially in the dialogue. The exchanges said a lot with few lines imo. I guess it's open to interpretation whether Pyotr did it mainly as a noble deed out of love for his family or whether he was just tired of it all. The way I saw it, it was both with main emphasis on the latter.
It is a little of both. In extreme circumstances it is often simpler just to give up. Far harder to tough it out and survive. He mainly did it though because he felt useless, like a burden... coupled with the need for extreme survival, it was better that he just give up.
Also, in one of the lines of dialogue you'll note that Ekaterina mentions the ice road opening up. The ice road was once a lake that was used to transport food and goods. As it started to freeze over it became useless and deadly to traverse... but as the ice got harder and harder it turned into a road and food got in again. All they had to do was survive a few months and things would get a lot better. Pyotr's sacrifice meant his wife and son had a really good chance of survival. I know it's simply one line of dialogue, but at least the information is in there.
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I'm not sure how much Ekaterina waking up and looking around in panic fits in here, especially considering the lack of reaction once she finds him. It also makes it too obvious that something big's coming imo.
She looks around for her son. She went to sleep next to him, wakes up and he's gone. She then finds him, standing by the window.
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Dmitry's miraculous recovery, too. Is it supposed to show that the big sacrifice could have possibly been in vain? Not sure. Maybe it would work better if switched around? She wakes up, heads to the kitchen, sees the body, carves in. Then she goes to Dmitry who's suffering in his bed, offers him a plate and says that god has blessed them on Christmas day -- and fade out on that?
This script has been shortlisted for the Northern Film School slate of films next term. Students representing the university have won many awards at film festivals and have involvement with feature production.
24 short scripts have been shortlisted but unfortunately only 14 of those will go through (to be selected by the students themselves). I am quietly confident of selection as only one script can receive the special merit award, to which this script has already won. It also means I've won a short film course worth a few hundred pounds. Not a short film course as in short film, but more of a short course regarding a certain aspect of film production. They're like three-four day courses. Which could be fun. I'll get to meet some new people.
Anyway fingers crossed it makes final selection too, I'm already happy with the special merit award, but production is what it's all about. Hopefully I can work with them on some more shorts during the term too.
This script has been shortlisted for the Northern Film School slate of films next term. Students representing the university have won many awards at film festivals and have involvement with feature production.
24 short scripts have been shortlisted but unfortunately only 14 of those will go through (to be selected by the students themselves). I am quietly confident of selection as only one script can receive the special merit award, to which this script has already won. It also means I've won a short film course worth a few hundred pounds. Not a short film course as in short film, but more of a short course regarding a certain aspect of film production. They're like three-four day courses. Which could be fun. I'll get to meet some new people.
Anyway fingers crossed it makes final selection too, I'm already happy with the special merit award, but production is what it's all about. Hopefully I can work with them on some more shorts during the term too.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Just got news that this was filmed back in December, but the final editing won't be done until May this year. I should also point out that the version made was a slightly shorter (3.5 pages) than the one here. That's because they were looking for 3 minute shorts.