SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is September 22nd, 2018, 9:02am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration

The Night Gallery 7 Week Challenge
has begun!

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Christmas in Leningrad - Filmed Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 3 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Christmas in Leningrad - Filmed  (currently 8693 views)
Don
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 11:27am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
12631
Posts Per Day
1.96
Christmas in Leningrad by Dustin Bowcott - Short, Drama - A man, starving during the siege of Leningrad, goes to extreme measures to put food on the table. - pdf, format



Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  August 31st, 2018, 1:23pm
Logged
Site Private Message
Iancou
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 2:14pm Report to Moderator
Purple



Location
Southeastern United States
Posts
164
Posts Per Day
0.09
Dustin,

This was unexpected and a gem. I liked the way you portrayed the situation and the environment. The element that really struck me about this one was not just the cannibalism you describe through action and dialogue, but the desperation conveyed and the harshness of Soviet rule where order and obedience were the primary concerns for authorities. So, in this situation, starvation was the catayst and the authorities' restrictions were obstacles to survival. The NKVD supposedly even used the threat of throwing people into pits full of hungry cannibals as a way to get information. Nicely played. Oh, and from a technical perspective, I didn't see anything in terms of grammar, punctuation, etc. of note. It was well-written and organized.

I can't help but think that this was the end of what could be a longer, maybe even a feature-length film. The siege lasted over two years, so the January 1941 date was only the beginning. Just something to think about.

Ian


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 2:22pm Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
Cheers mate. This is a feature idea that I've been wanting to write for a while. It was almost 900 days, but the winter of 40/41 was particularly harsh. The true horrors are hard to dig up... perhaps not even a writer's imagination could guess some of the things that actually went on.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 95
eldave1
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 5:38pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Southern California
Posts
3835
Posts Per Day
2.53
Nicely done.


Quoted Text
DMITRY
(nods)
I think so, mama.


Should it be Mama? (i.e., capital M)

This is a real nit - but I think the police at the graveyard should be Soldiers (i.e., it is WW II and Russia is under siege).

There is definitely a feature here.  It is an atrocity that has not really been examined in film.

Here is an interesting link to a post from an eye witness to the travesty:

http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/leningrad.htm

Good luck with this.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 3 - 95
Iancou
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 9:49pm Report to Moderator
Purple



Location
Southeastern United States
Posts
164
Posts Per Day
0.09
Dustin,

I have been thinking from a historical perspective. There are a number factors from that period that can add to the overall story. For the Soviets, Leningrad was very important. It was the old capital of St. Petersburg under the Czars and the birthplace of the revolution, so it was of immense psychological importance to them. Also, the winter palace was the home of the amber room, which was an entire room decorated in amber panels and gold leaf. The room was considered the 8th wonder of the world. Here is a wiki description of it - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amber_Room

Now as far as the siege goes, over 900 days... that is long time for you to take this story. You really chose an interesting era and situation for a setting. I hope you develop it further as I would be interested in seeing where you take it.

Ian


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 95
Josh
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 9:59pm Report to Moderator
Red



Posts
75
Posts Per Day
0.04
Holy shit, that was bleak. I could totally see this in the eyes of my mind. Well-done.

I will say that, if this was a feature, I probably wouldn't be able to finish it. Not because of lack of quality or substance, but because it would ruin me.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 95
TonyDionisio
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 11:49pm Report to Moderator
Green


Damnit, get to the point!

Location
New York
Posts
796
Posts Per Day
0.43
Dustin,

Well written, good exchange of dialog stopping short of directly telling. Russian wartime  atrocities are right on par with German ones, but then again,  when does a war not contain any?

Gl

Tony.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 4th, 2015, 3:27am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from Iancou
... so the January 1941 date was only the beginning. Just something to think about.


I've just realised... I should have changed the date to 1942. I thought Russia celebrated Christmas the same day as us, but after checking that fact, I discovered that they actually celebrate it on January 7th. So, this story was originally set in December of '41. I'll change that right away.


Quoted from eldave1
Nicely done.

Should it be Mama? (i.e., capital M)

This is a real nit - but I think the police at the graveyard should be Soldiers (i.e., it is WW II and Russia is under siege).

There is definitely a feature here.  It is an atrocity that has not really been examined in film.

Here is an interesting link to a post from an eye witness to the travesty:

http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/leningrad.htm

Good luck with this.


Thanks mate, you're right on both counts... the police will not be seen, just boots and grey coats, but yeah, soldiers may be a better word to use for the sake of imagery. Thanks for the link. I have already been there.


Quoted from Iancou
Dustin,

I have been thinking from a historical perspective. There are a number factors from that period that can add to the overall story. For the Soviets, Leningrad was very important. It was the old capital of St. Petersburg under the Czars and the birthplace of the revolution, so it was of immense psychological importance to them. Also, the winter palace was the home of the amber room, which was an entire room decorated in amber panels and gold leaf. The room was considered the 8th wonder of the world. Here is a wiki description of it - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amber_Room

Now as far as the siege goes, over 900 days... that is long time for you to take this story. You really chose an interesting era and situation for a setting. I hope you develop it further as I would be interested in seeing where you take it.

Ian


Thanks mate. It's an idea that's been sitting on my board for quite some time now. It's a big board, surrounded by other 'great' ideas I want to work on. It's always nice to be able to take one of those cards down. I'm due to start work on another feature and this one is jumping out at me now. So, I better get stuck back into my research... find some inspiration for my protag(s).


Quoted from Josh
Holy shit, that was bleak. I could totally see this in the eyes of my mind. Well-done.

I will say that, if this was a feature, I probably wouldn't be able to finish it. Not because of lack of quality or substance, but because it would ruin me.


Cheers mate. The truth is often far more frightening than fiction. I would love to find some way to turn this into an actual biopic, but I'll settle for completely fictional characters if I must.


Quoted from TonyDionisio
Dustin,

Well written, good exchange of dialog stopping short of directly telling. Russian wartime  atrocities are right on par with German ones, but then again,  when does a war not contain any?

Gl

Tony.


And our own rarely spoken about. War is an atrocity. Thanks for the read and reply mate, much appreciated.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 4th, 2015, 7:56am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Attack-Leningrad-DVD-Mira-Sorvino/dp/B002Z9HBLU

Well, it appears there was a feature out in 2007. I've just watched it and it is quite a decent story.

I think where the film fails is that it isn't sensational enough and I also think that that may be down to Russian investment in the film. Even today they (Russia) would rather people believe that they were steadfast and resolute without the need for impropriety. The film adequately shows much of what happened... the air raids, the hunger... but it avoids getting into the nitty-gritty.

Worth the watch, but I didn't really learn much aside from being given a thin slice of history.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 8 - 95
StevenClark
Posted: April 4th, 2015, 9:24pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Upstate NY
Posts
1713
Posts Per Day
0.83
Dustin,

The writing was crisp and visual. It had a certain tone to it, I can't quite describe it, but I like the way you wrote this. Definitely gives one pause regarding the subject matter, and especially the closing visual. Sounds like the reaction of Ekaterina and Dmitri would've been the same had they just found out their mortgage had been paid off for them, which I think is kind of the point here. There really is no difference and that's what makes it as strong as it is. Good job.

Steve


Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 95
DanC
Posted: April 4th, 2015, 9:39pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


Killing villains since 1980!

Location
Buffalo NY
Posts
1258
Posts Per Day
0.99
Man, that was tough.  It's odd, but, I was just reading about this.  They say that quite a few had to resort to cannibalism during that year.  It was horrific.  They say there is no greater horror then real horror like this and WW2, and they are right.

I do think this would make a good movie, but, it wouldn't be a big hit b/c it's so bleak.  You're best bet would be to do it as a documentary on this time period in Russia.  I wouldn't be able to watch it b/c it would kill me that people had to make this choice to live.

It was a fast easy read.  Good job.    


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 95
khamanna
Posted: April 5th, 2015, 4:03am Report to Moderator
Yellow



Posts
2860
Posts Per Day
0.87
Hey Dustin.

Read your short.

I liked it but I think you need to go slow on the last bit - when she's going to cut. Make her cry first, stare at his body, get angry or something. This is an important moment - I think you should take a moment there.

The first part - the first 3 pages - you could cut some. Or add some texture to their dialog, otherwise some of it sounds repetitive. If you need me to tell you what lines exactly I'm talking about let know.

And the last thing - they didn't celebrate Christmas in Leningrad. In Sankt Peterburgh now - yes. Before it was just New Years.

That's for sure. We used to put up the tree only on 30th of December. And it used to be called New Year's Tree.

Good luck to yuo with it - I really liked it. You found a new angle here.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 5th, 2015, 4:22am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from khamanna
Hey Dustin.

Read your short.

I liked it but I think you need to go slow on the last bit - when she's going to cut. Make her cry first, stare at his body, get angry or something. This is an important moment - I think you should take a moment there.


I have to disagree. There is a deliberate lack of emotion. These people have already starved, seen lots of death. I've also witnessed how numbed people can be under extreme circumstances. It's like a state of shock that will only subside once the cause has rescinded. Even then, depending upon the horrors witnessed, it could take years.


Quoted Text
The first part - the first 3 pages - you could cut some. Or add some texture to their dialog, otherwise some of it sounds repetitive. If you need me to tell you what lines exactly I'm talking about let know.


I'm not sure what you mean by texture to the dialogue. I understand repetitive, however... and, I'll look into that.


Quoted Text
And the last thing - they didn't celebrate Christmas in Leningrad. In Sankt Peterburgh now - yes. Before it was just New Years.

That's for sure. We used to put up the tree only on 30th of December. And it used to be called New Year's Tree.

Good luck to yuo with it - I really liked it. You found a new angle here.


Ah... OK. It was only a last minute thing that made me check how Russians celebrated Christmas and I got the date Jan 7th... but I see that in Soviet Russia, Christmas was not celebrated by many. I will have to rethink the title and the dialogue where Ekaterina mentions Christmas. Cheers.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 95
khamanna
Posted: April 5th, 2015, 5:38am Report to Moderator
Yellow



Posts
2860
Posts Per Day
0.87

Quoted from Dustin


I have to disagree. There is a deliberate lack of emotion. These people have already starved, seen lots of death.


My point is not this - I wanted to say that you could have a second twist there. She takes the knife and starts cutting in cold blood - if it happens too fast it looses the impact. It's appaling and thus good - I am thinking it would be more if you take a moment there.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 5th, 2015, 6:20am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from khamanna


My point is not this - I wanted to say that you could have a second twist there. She takes the knife and starts cutting in cold blood - if it happens too fast it looses the impact. It's appaling and thus good - I am thinking it would be more if you take a moment there.


Ah, OK. I see your point. I'll mull it over. Cheers.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 14 - 95
alffy
Posted: April 5th, 2015, 12:41pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2339
Posts Per Day
0.52
Dustin,

Truth is stronger than fiction some times, and that definitely applies to this story.  Food was in short supply throughout most of Europe throughout the war and I guess if you were stuck in a city under siege with no food you would eat anything to stay alive.

It's the truth of this that makes your story so bleak.  I did feel that if the reader had no background knowledge of the era, they might not understand how dangerous it was to live in the city (danger from both Russian and German soldiers).

Overall though this was a nice little piece and I enjoyed it.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 15 - 95
Iancou
Posted: April 5th, 2015, 4:17pm Report to Moderator
Purple



Location
Southeastern United States
Posts
164
Posts Per Day
0.09
The siege also solved the city's rat problem for awhile. Everything that could be eaten was, so references (through dialogue and/or a visual) to this could be part of building the background for members of the audience who don't know their history. For example, a character holds up a box of rat poison and says, "Since they've all been eaten, nobody's needed this stuff for a long time." I don't know if they even had rat poison in the USSR at that time, but I use that as a silly example. Another issue could be that residents there were not necessarily die-hard Marxists in support of the regime. Pyotr (perhaps named in honor of Czar Peter the Great for whom the city had been previously called) is in his 40s, so he was a young adult when the revolution happened and remembered life under the Czar. His character could even be a closet monarchist or Menshevik. They were both still around and hunted until the war when they were released from the gulags to fight for Mother Russia, and not the revolution.

Just some random thoughts on a lazy day.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 16 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 6th, 2015, 2:55am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from alffy
Dustin,

Truth is stronger than fiction some times, and that definitely applies to this story.  Food was in short supply throughout most of Europe throughout the war and I guess if you were stuck in a city under siege with no food you would eat anything to stay alive.

It's the truth of this that makes your story so bleak.  I did feel that if the reader had no background knowledge of the era, they might not understand how dangerous it was to live in the city (danger from both Russian and German soldiers).

Overall though this was a nice little piece and I enjoyed it.


Thanks mate. I understand your point on people (without prior knowledge of this event) not getting what this story is about, but without sign posting it it's hard to do. There is a super with the year and the place, so hopefully anyone not so knowledgeable would use the information to do some checking. First thing my gf did after reading this was Google and she turned to me after reading for a while and said "Why didn't they teach us stuff like this at school?"

Personally, I don't believe the education system is responsible for teaching us things we can easily learn ourselves... but I understand what she means. Unfortunately, we are part of a propaganda machine. Just like we accuse every other country of and maybe even laugh at them for being brainwashed, we can rest assured that they think the same about us.

Anyway, thanks for the read. Not sure you've posted anything for a while, but if you have and I've missed it, please point me in the right direction.



Quoted from Iancou
The siege also solved the city's rat problem for awhile. Everything that could be eaten was, so references (through dialogue and/or a visual) to this could be part of building the background for members of the audience who don't know their history. For example, a character holds up a box of rat poison and says, "Since they've all been eaten, nobody's needed this stuff for a long time." I don't know if they even had rat poison in the USSR at that time, but I use that as a silly example. Another issue could be that residents there were not necessarily die-hard Marxists in support of the regime. Pyotr (perhaps named in honor of Czar Peter the Great for whom the city had been previously called) is in his 40s, so he was a young adult when the revolution happened and remembered life under the Czar. His character could even be a closet monarchist or Menshevik. They were both still around and hunted until the war when they were released from the gulags to fight for Mother Russia, and not the revolution.

Just some random thoughts on a lazy day.


Thanks mate. I do open showing a photo with the family and their dog, but there is no dog throughout the story. I suppose it could have died of natural causes, but it was meant to show that they had to eat their pet, or swapped it and ate a neighbour's pet, as was the normal thing to do.

There's certainly a lot to include in regard to the horrors that went on in the city, but I think the bigger story, as you've pointed out, is the political one. Why was food veered away from the city before the German and Finnish army surrounded them? I know the official story... but, like all official stories, it's not necessarily the truth.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 17 - 95
MarkRenshaw
Posted: April 7th, 2015, 9:31am Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
UK
Posts
1358
Posts Per Day
0.69
Hi Dustin,

Interesting title and logline, makes me want to actually check the script out!

I love the name Dmitry, no idea why.

Oh man that's grim but a good read. I imagine under those circumstances people would resort to such desperate measures.

I sometimes forget my body is basically a meat sack, thanks for reminding me lol.  

One question, is Dmitry better because he ate some of his Papa or did he just get better on his own?

Good job on this,

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 18 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 8th, 2015, 1:11pm Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from MarkRenshaw
Hi Dustin,

Interesting title and logline, makes me want to actually check the script out!

I love the name Dmitry, no idea why.

Oh man that's grim but a good read. I imagine under those circumstances people would resort to such desperate measures.

I sometimes forget my body is basically a meat sack, thanks for reminding me lol.  

One question, is Dmitry better because he ate some of his Papa or did he just get better on his own?

Good job on this,

-Mark


I like the name Dmitry too, I've used it a few times in my stories. Dmitry doesn't eat any of his father, he gets better on his own. Pyotr hangs himself the night before and ironically, the boy is better anyway. Just a d ash of irony, but even a small amount is something. Thanks for the read.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 19 - 95
IamGlenn
Posted: April 8th, 2015, 6:37pm Report to Moderator
Green


:)

Location
Dublin, Ireland, Europe, The World.
Posts
655
Posts Per Day
0.44
Dustin,

Gave this one a read. Haven't read any other thoughts so excuse me if I repeat.

I enjoyed this. As always your writing is on point. In 5 pages you manage to set the scene and the tone perfectly. I've always felt that a tough thing to do in such a small page count. Nicely done.

The story itself is as bleak as they come. But in a weird way I also found it sort of warming that the father did what he did at the end. Maybe it's just me being messed up.

I get the feeling this could be a feature. Dealing with the same subject, I feel this could be beefed out and added to and make quite an interesting movie.

Overall, nice one here. Congrats. Good luck with it..


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 20 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 9th, 2015, 8:22am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from IamGlenn
Dustin,

Gave this one a read. Haven't read any other thoughts so excuse me if I repeat.

I enjoyed this. As always your writing is on point. In 5 pages you manage to set the scene and the tone perfectly. I've always felt that a tough thing to do in such a small page count. Nicely done.

The story itself is as bleak as they come. But in a weird way I also found it sort of warming that the father did what he did at the end. Maybe it's just me being messed up.

I get the feeling this could be a feature. Dealing with the same subject, I feel this could be beefed out and added to and make quite an interesting movie.

Overall, nice one here. Congrats. Good luck with it..


Thanks mate. I tried to say a lot in a very small space. That Pyotr commits suicide to feed his family is symbolic of the fact (albeit almost cryptically) that it was mostly men that starved to death in the city, they obviously went without to feed their families first. Women and children first is true in this regard too. It was also mostly the women that turned to cannibalism, actually killing younger infants to feed older children.

We're extremely lucky that we have never had to face anything like that and it's impossible to judge their actions otherwise. What it shows is that we will do anything to survive but there are also those willing to lay their lives down to protect their family. Even in those circumstances there are levels of decency.

Thanks for the read and reply mate, much appreciated.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 21 - 95
colkurtz8
Posted: April 10th, 2015, 11:18am Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
--> Over There
Posts
1603
Posts Per Day
0.44
Dustin

Good job with this, it feels like a primer for something bigger although it functions as a self contained story by itself too. The fortunes of Ekaterina and Dmitry are left up in the air, which is fine by me. Yes, they have food now but what is to become of them in the long term? This could serve well as the opening sequence of a longer piece where we follow mother and daughter in their quest to survive in the harshest of conditions.

This is an especially bleak time in an already dark period of modern history. I know a bit about so I was intrigued by the title alone and recognized the stakes from the outset. Unfortunately, a lot of people probably won’t grasp the greater situation which I understand you can’t really get into too much in a 5 page short. This is all just observations on my part by the way, not criticisms. You obviously made a conscious decision to keep it confined and personal which I think works for the brevity of the story.

I thought Pyotr was not going to come back in those last scenes and we would be left to assume he had been caught thus leaving Eskaterina and Dmitri to perish but when the ending was revealed I kicked myself for not anticipating it. In other words, it worked in catching me by surprise, Pyotr made the biggest sacrifice imaginable which ties in with a time where these sort of life and death decisions were being made on a daily basis.

At first, I was a little jarred by Ekaterina’s lack of emotion when seeing her husband hanging there dead. She just balls the note, grabs the knife and gets to work but thinking on it now it again fits into the hardened, dehumanized mindset prevalent in those times. No room for sentimentally, we need to eat!
  
On a side note, if you’re interested in this particular part of history you should check out “Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History” podcast. One of his multi part series from a few years ago is called “Ghosts of the Ostfront” which focuses the conflicts between Germany and the Soviet Union with emphasis on the siege of Leningrad and the atrocities that went on there…cannibalism was only part of it...

My layman’s takeaway from it all was “Russians are tough basta?ds!”…but seriously, its truly shocking stuff that still lingers with me to this day.

Col.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 22 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 11th, 2015, 4:08pm Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from colkurtz8
Dustin

Good job with this, it feels like a primer for something bigger although it functions as a self contained story by itself too. The fortunes of Ekaterina and Dmitry are left up in the air, which is fine by me. Yes, they have food now but what is to become of them in the long term? This could serve well as the opening sequence of a longer piece where we follow mother and daughter in their quest to survive in the harshest of conditions.


Yeah I agree, be hard to sympathise with Ekaterina after the coldness with her husband but I believe that sometimes, the story is bigger than any need to get behind a character. Quite a lot of my writing is like that and I always write best when I'm portraying bleak and harsh backdrops. I suppose it's merely testament to the types of people watching I've done over the years.


Quoted Text
This is an especially bleak time in an already dark period of modern history. I know a bit about so I was intrigued by the title alone and recognized the stakes from the outset. Unfortunately, a lot of people probably won’t grasp the greater situation which I understand you can’t really get into too much in a 5 page short. This is all just observations on my part by the way, not criticisms. You obviously made a conscious decision to keep it confined and personal which I think works for the brevity of the story.


I agree. However, there is enough information in there. I think you just have to be smart. Personally, whenever I come across something I don't understand or desire more knowledge of, I study. My gf did the same thing and she was shocked at what she read... and my short made a whole lot more sense. She watched the (Russian-biased) feature with me afterwards too.


Quoted Text
I thought Pyotr was not going to come back in those last scenes and we would be left to assume he had been caught thus leaving Eskaterina and Dmitri to perish but when the ending was revealed I kicked myself for not anticipating it. In other words, it worked in catching me by surprise, Pyotr made the biggest sacrifice imaginable which ties in with a time where these sort of life and death decisions were being made on a daily basis.


Yeah, although mostly symbolic, it's likely that this type of thing would have occurred. I did look around the web before writing, hoping that I would find a story it would relate to, but it seems that the Russians stifled much of the information so this has to be called entirely fiction.


Quoted Text
At first, I was a little jarred by Ekaterina’s lack of emotion when seeing her husband hanging there dead. She just balls the note, grabs the knife and gets to work but thinking on it now it again fits into the hardened, dehumanized mindset prevalent in those times. No room for sentimentally, we need to eat!


Yeah. I think with great suffering comes less sympathy for suffering... because it's just normal. If a mother could smother an eighteen month old baby (as in one account I read of) to feed herself and older children, simply because she didn't have a man around (perhaps they'd eaten him first!) to put extra bread rations on the table, then a fully grown man perhaps wouldn't cause much fuss either. Sentiment is a luxury.
  

Quoted Text
On a side note, if you’re interested in this particular part of history you should check out “Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History” podcast. One of his multi part series from a few years ago is called “Ghosts of the Ostfront” which focuses the conflicts between Germany and the Soviet Union with emphasis on the siege of Leningrad and the atrocities that went on there…cannibalism was only part of it...

My layman’s takeaway from it all was “Russians are tough basta?ds!”…but seriously, its truly shocking stuff that still lingers with me to this day.

Col.


Yes I am. I found those and will have a listen when the time comes to write this feature. I see it more of an indie project and I'm writing two Hollywoodesque scripts back to back at the moment. Thanks for the read and the insights, mate.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 23 - 95
Athenian
Posted: April 12th, 2015, 12:07pm Report to Moderator
Purple



Posts
207
Posts Per Day
0.13
Hi Dustin,

Very disturbing this one, but you achieved what you were trying to do. Which, I guess, was to show what people can become under certain circumstances.

One thing I'm not sure about is whether Dmitry hanged himself only to give his family a chance to survive or he also felt guilty for not being a good enough provider (Ekaterina does seem to blame him for that). In the second case, perhaps you could change a little the incident in the cemetery into something that he'd feel it was his own fault. What if he dropped the boy's corpse accidentally, for instance?

Also, I wonder if an ending where Ekaterina would commit suicide instead of Dmitry (for the same reason) would have an even more intense dramatic effect. But that would be a different story, of course.

A powerful script, which definitely leaves a lasting impression.

Manolis
Logged
Private Message Reply: 24 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 13th, 2015, 12:21pm Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from Athenian
Hi Dustin,

Very disturbing this one, but you achieved what you were trying to do. Which, I guess, was to show what people can become under certain circumstances.

One thing I'm not sure about is whether Dmitry hanged himself only to give his family a chance to survive or he also felt guilty for not being a good enough provider (Ekaterina does seem to blame him for that). In the second case, perhaps you could change a little the incident in the cemetery into something that he'd feel it was his own fault. What if he dropped the boy's corpse accidentally, for instance?


He hangs himself for both reasons. The reason I didn't write Pyotr picking up the corpse was because I imagined that it would be difficult to film. I didn't want to risk an injury to the actor. I do like the idea of making it his fault in the cemetery. Extra irony is always a good thing.


Quoted Text
Also, I wonder if an ending where Ekaterina would commit suicide instead of Dmitry (for the same reason) would have an even more intense dramatic effect. But that would be a different story, of course.


Yeah, plus it wouldn't tie in as nicely with the statistics. It has to be the Man that commits suicide. Not to suggest that there weren't women ready to lay down their lives too. But it was a different mindset back then, I'm sure today the stats would be equal (ahem... think I dug myself out of that one).

Thanks for the review and the helpful hint, much appreciated.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 25 - 95
DWLiu
Posted: April 13th, 2015, 12:52pm Report to Moderator
Red



Posts
19
Posts Per Day
0.01
Dustin,

I like the structure of this very short script; it has all three acts in such a limited space.

Given the bleak ending, I thought it might be a good idea to have one or two scenes earlier to show the special bond and caring between the father and the son (in spite of their desperate living condition). It would give the father's sacrifice in the end a stronger touch.


Read my scripts:
"American Girl" - Drama --19 pages
"An Incident" - Drama --9 pages
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 26 - 95
Sham
Posted: April 13th, 2015, 10:46pm Report to Moderator
Purple



Location
Georgia
Posts
375
Posts Per Day
0.08
Hey Dustin,

I quite liked this. Reminds me of another cannibal-themed short I read a few years ago called A Taste For Blood, which I loved. The difference here is yours goes for a little more subtlety, which isn't a bad thing at all.

I think the ending is definitely bleak in the best way, but I agree with the user who pointed out Ekaterina needs some type of reaction when she prepares to carve. Yes, realistically, there might not be an immediate reaction from her in this situation after all she's been through. But we as an audience haven't been in this environment but for less than five minutes -- we're going to react, and in a way, she needs to as well. Even if she's not reacting, you need to emphasize that to your viewers -- this bitch is about to eat a loved one and she is not reacting.

Otherwise, this is very solid. Hope it gets picked up.

Chris


Logged
Private Message Reply: 27 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 14th, 2015, 9:01am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from DWLiu
Dustin,

I like the structure of this very short script; it has all three acts in such a limited space.

Given the bleak ending, I thought it might be a good idea to have one or two scenes earlier to show the special bond and caring between the father and the son (in spite of their desperate living condition). It would give the father's sacrifice in the end a stronger touch.


That's a good idea. I think I could open with a shot of Pyotr attempting to feed and care for his sick son, then Ekaterina walk in and shoo him away, mention something about the putrid meat. Make him feel even more worthless. Maybe she's carrying a bowl of steaming hot water which would make an excellent contrast with the cold background. Cold, useless father. Warm, sensible mother.

Thanks very much, that's a nice idea.




Quoted from Sham
Hey Dustin,

I quite liked this. Reminds me of another cannibal-themed short I read a few years ago called A Taste For Blood, which I loved. The difference here is yours goes for a little more subtlety, which isn't a bad thing at all.

I think the ending is definitely bleak in the best way, but I agree with the user who pointed out Ekaterina needs some type of reaction when she prepares to carve. Yes, realistically, there might not be an immediate reaction from her in this situation after all she's been through. But we as an audience haven't been in this environment but for less than five minutes -- we're going to react, and in a way, she needs to as well. Even if she's not reacting, you need to emphasize that to your viewers -- this bitch is about to eat a loved one and she is not reacting.

Otherwise, this is very solid. Hope it gets picked up.

Chris


Yeah looks like a good script. It's downloaded straight to my computer though and not gone to a comment thread.

OK. After some thought, I like your suggestion, and a way I could work around that is by using the kid. Maybe Dmitry appears in the kitchen doorway, not far enough to see Pyotr hanging. She tells him to go back in the living room, that she's preparing breakfast. He asks after his father's whereabouts and she, after looking toward her husband, replies with something cold. I've got several lines of dialogue playing through my mind, not necessarily cold, more matter-of-fact... it's going to take some thinking about, but thanks for planting the seed. Thanks also for the read.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 28 - 95
DWLiu
Posted: April 15th, 2015, 12:41pm Report to Moderator
Red



Posts
19
Posts Per Day
0.01
Dustin,

Good to hear that you liked the idea.

Instead of the father feeding his son in the opening scene, how about they are doing something non-food related, like chatting about a sport (soccer?), or talking about a movie (or a book).  It shows what a "normal" life they've lived, in comparison to the cruel life they're living.


Read my scripts:
"American Girl" - Drama --19 pages
"An Incident" - Drama --9 pages
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 29 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 16th, 2015, 2:30am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from DWLiu
Dustin,

Good to hear that you liked the idea.

Instead of the father feeding his son in the opening scene, how about they are doing something non-food related, like chatting about a sport (soccer?), or talking about a movie (or a book).  It shows what a "normal" life they've lived, in comparison to the cruel life they're living.


I tried to show what a normal life they'd had by the happy photograph. I actually see this film in black and white, with flashes of colour for emphasis. The photograph I would show in colour. I'd have to talk with my good friend and DoP though as he's my go to guy at the moment for filming knowledge. Black and white with flashes of colour would need to be done right to avoid groans about cliche. But, that's the way I see it... and without influence from anyone else, that is how I would film it.

In regard to the conversation... as much as I like the idea, it doesn't fit with the child's feverish state. However, it could always be a one way conversation while the father tries to soothe him. I do agree, bringing food into it doesn't quite fit either. But the one way conversation sounds like the way to go here. Thanks again.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 30 - 95
AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 16th, 2015, 2:56pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
UK
Posts
2635
Posts Per Day
1.48
Hey Dustin

Great short, loved it, some of the descriptions are top notch - dirty, meaty fingers - can see it in my minds eye.

Couple of suggestions/comments
1) If the poverty/hunger was so extreme would they have a picture/lithograph calendar?
2) Might be me, probably is, but I was rooting for Pyotr to kill Dimitry, I think filicide could be more tragic.

Tonally reminded me a little of City of Life and Death - great movie.

So overall - cracking!

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1

Revision History (1 edits)
AnthonyCawood  -  April 19th, 2015, 3:04am
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 31 - 95
DS
Posted: April 18th, 2015, 4:18pm Report to Moderator
Purple


Posts
379
Posts Per Day
0.25
Well established from the first line. The bleak and emotionless feeling really worked here, especially in the dialogue. The exchanges said a lot with few lines imo. I guess it's open to interpretation whether Pyotr did it mainly as a noble deed out of love for his family or whether he was just tired of it all. The way I saw it, it was both with main emphasis on the latter.

I'm not sure how much Ekaterina waking up and looking around in panic fits in here, especially considering the lack of reaction once she finds him. It also makes it too obvious that something big's coming imo.

Dmitry's miraculous recovery, too. Is it supposed to show that the big sacrifice could have possibly been in vain? Not sure. Maybe it would work better if switched around? She wakes up, heads to the kitchen, sees the body, carves in. Then she goes to Dmitry who's suffering in his bed, offers him a plate and says that god has blessed them on Christmas day -- and fade out on that?

Just a few thoughts. This was a good read. Gl.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 32 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 19th, 2015, 4:02am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from AnthonyCawood
Hey Dustin

Great short, loved it, some of the descriptions are top notch - dirty, meaty fingers - can see it in my minds eye.

Couple of suggestions/comments
1) If the poverty/hunger was so extreme would they have a picture/lithograph calendar?
2) Might be me, probably is, but I was rooting for Pyotr to kill Dimitry, I think filicide could be more tragic.

Tonally reminded me a little of City of Life and Death - great movie.

So overall - cracking!

Anthony


Yes, I'm assuming people did have photographs. Although I will double check that. They don't hold value and are inedible, I think.

The calendar is a bit of a push... I suppose it could be state-supplied... I don't think it matters too much. So long as it's done right.

While I agree with your latter point, it would detract from the story I want to tell. The story of that period, according to the stats, were that women made most of the tough survival decisions (the cannibalism and killing for meat). It was also mostly men that died of starvation. That tells me that the men would do their duty and provide for their families, often going without themselves so that their children could eat. Women tend to be lighter anyway and don't require as much food. So, if men and women ate equally, then as a matter of course, more men would starve to death. In essence, this is men laying down their lives for their families and that is what Pyotr's death shows. The choices made in this story have been made with consideration.

Thanks for the read, mate.


Quoted from DS
Well established from the first line. The bleak and emotionless feeling really worked here, especially in the dialogue. The exchanges said a lot with few lines imo. I guess it's open to interpretation whether Pyotr did it mainly as a noble deed out of love for his family or whether he was just tired of it all. The way I saw it, it was both with main emphasis on the latter.


It is a little of both. In extreme circumstances it is often simpler just to give up. Far harder to tough it out and survive. He mainly did it though because he felt useless, like a burden... coupled with the need for extreme survival, it was better that he just give up.

Also, in one of the lines of dialogue you'll note that Ekaterina mentions the ice road opening up. The ice road was once a lake that was used to transport food and goods. As it started to freeze over it became useless and deadly to traverse... but as the ice got harder and harder it turned into a road and food got in again. All they had to do was survive a few months and things would get a lot better. Pyotr's sacrifice meant his wife and son had a really good chance of survival. I know it's simply one line of dialogue, but at least the information is in there.


Quoted Text
I'm not sure how much Ekaterina waking up and looking around in panic fits in here, especially considering the lack of reaction once she finds him. It also makes it too obvious that something big's coming imo.


She looks around for her son. She went to sleep next to him, wakes up and he's gone. She then finds him, standing by the window.


Quoted Text
Dmitry's miraculous recovery, too. Is it supposed to show that the big sacrifice could have possibly been in vain? Not sure. Maybe it would work better if switched around? She wakes up, heads to the kitchen, sees the body, carves in. Then she goes to Dmitry who's suffering in his bed, offers him a plate and says that god has blessed them on Christmas day -- and fade out on that?

Just a few thoughts. This was a good read. Gl.


I quite like that. I'll think about it. Cheers.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 33 - 95
Dustin
Posted: August 11th, 2015, 9:23am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
This script has been shortlisted for the Northern Film School slate of films next term. Students representing the university have won many awards at film festivals and have involvement with feature production.

24 short scripts have been shortlisted but unfortunately only 14 of those will go through (to be selected by the students themselves). I am quietly confident of selection as only one script can receive the special merit award, to which this script has already won. It also means I've won a short film course worth a few hundred pounds. Not a short film course as in short film, but more of a short course regarding a certain aspect of film production. They're like three-four day courses. Which could be fun. I'll get to meet some new people.

Anyway fingers crossed it makes final selection too, I'm already happy with the special merit award, but production is what it's all about. Hopefully I can work with them on some more shorts during the term too.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 34 - 95
eldave1
Posted: August 11th, 2015, 11:04am Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Southern California
Posts
3835
Posts Per Day
2.53

Quoted from Dustin
This script has been shortlisted for the Northern Film School slate of films next term. Students representing the university have won many awards at film festivals and have involvement with feature production.

24 short scripts have been shortlisted but unfortunately only 14 of those will go through (to be selected by the students themselves). I am quietly confident of selection as only one script can receive the special merit award, to which this script has already won. It also means I've won a short film course worth a few hundred pounds. Not a short film course as in short film, but more of a short course regarding a certain aspect of film production. They're like three-four day courses. Which could be fun. I'll get to meet some new people.

Anyway fingers crossed it makes final selection too, I'm already happy with the special merit award, but production is what it's all about. Hopefully I can work with them on some more shorts during the term too.


Very nice! Best of luck


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 35 - 95
IamGlenn
Posted: August 11th, 2015, 11:16am Report to Moderator
Green


:)

Location
Dublin, Ireland, Europe, The World.
Posts
655
Posts Per Day
0.44
Congrats, man.

Hopefully it gets produced as I enjoyed this one.

Good luck.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 36 - 95
Reef Dreamer
Posted: August 11th, 2015, 11:23am Report to Moderator
Yellow


where's my simply scripts thong?

Location
The Island of Jersey
Posts
2534
Posts Per Day
0.97
Well done. Best of luck.

Just read it.  Just another fluffy rom com!

I was waiting a finger to come off, so go that wrong.

But, did I read it right that the kid recovered anyway? What a dark touch

Cheers


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Logged
Private Message Reply: 37 - 95
AnthonyCawood
Posted: August 11th, 2015, 12:38pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
UK
Posts
2635
Posts Per Day
1.48
Way to go mate, congrats!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 38 - 95
Dustin
Posted: August 11th, 2015, 1:49pm Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
Thanks for the well wishes, appreciated.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 39 - 95
Dustin
Posted: January 14th, 2016, 6:05pm Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
Just got news that this was filmed back in December, but the final editing won't be done until May this year. I should also point out that the version made was a slightly shorter (3.5 pages) than the one here. That's because they were looking for 3 minute shorts.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 40 - 95
eldave1
Posted: January 14th, 2016, 6:11pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Southern California
Posts
3835
Posts Per Day
2.53
very cool


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 41 - 95
IamGlenn
Posted: January 14th, 2016, 6:26pm Report to Moderator
Green


:)

Location
Dublin, Ireland, Europe, The World.
Posts
655
Posts Per Day
0.44
I look forward to this one. A short that has stayed with me.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 42 - 95
AnthonyCawood
Posted: January 14th, 2016, 7:00pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
UK
Posts
2635
Posts Per Day
1.48
Look forward to seeing this in May!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 43 - 95
Angry Bear
Posted: January 14th, 2016, 7:12pm Report to Moderator
God Queen of the SimplyScriptsVerse



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
6355
Posts Per Day
1.65
Excellent news, Dustin!  


Logged
Private Message Reply: 44 - 95
Erica
Posted: January 14th, 2016, 10:02pm Report to Moderator
Red



Posts
67
Posts Per Day
0.06
Wow, awesome to here!  Congrats.  Maybe we will get to see it sometime soon?


[url]http://www.simplyscripts.com/scripts/GoodbyeV3a.pdf[/uit.url]
Logged
Private Message Reply: 45 - 95
Dustin
Posted: January 15th, 2016, 2:52am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
Thanks everyone, yes I'll share it as soon as I am able to.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 46 - 95
cbead
Posted: January 17th, 2016, 3:43am Report to Moderator
Purple


https://chrisbeadnell.wordpress.com/

Location
Sunny Coast. Qld. Australia
Posts
136
Posts Per Day
0.14
Powerful and moving script, great work!

Looking forward to the filmed version when you share it.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 47 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 1:13pm Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
Going to watch this on a big screen at Hyde Park Picture House, Leeds on the 16th May. This will be the star film amongst 14 others, and there's also something of an after party, so will be  a lengthy afternoon. Well worth driving a couple hundred miles to see my name on the big screen for the first time.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 48 - 95
eldave1
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 1:48pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Southern California
Posts
3835
Posts Per Day
2.53
How friggin cool - congrats


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 49 - 95
Angry Bear
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 1:52pm Report to Moderator
God Queen of the SimplyScriptsVerse



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
6355
Posts Per Day
1.65
Huge congratulations, Dustin!!!  


Logged
Private Message Reply: 50 - 95
Athenian
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 1:53pm Report to Moderator
Purple



Posts
207
Posts Per Day
0.13
That's great! Congrats on your beautiful daughter, too.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 51 - 95
Reef Dreamer
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 2:20pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


where's my simply scripts thong?

Location
The Island of Jersey
Posts
2534
Posts Per Day
0.97
Fuck yeah - that's how to have a film you wrote shown to you.

Hope you enjoy.


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Logged
Private Message Reply: 52 - 95
IamGlenn
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 2:36pm Report to Moderator
Green


:)

Location
Dublin, Ireland, Europe, The World.
Posts
655
Posts Per Day
0.44
Congratulations, man. Great news!


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 53 - 95
Busy Little Bee
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 2:58pm Report to Moderator
Purple



Location
San Antonio, TX
Posts
310
Posts Per Day
0.08
That was an amazing short, honestly. You flew in and out of scenes with one character's desire and an opponent and obstacle in their way in well crafted way. The narrative description was easy on the eyes and well described. Congrats

BLB



Commodus: But the Emperor Claudius knew that they were up to something. He knew they were busy little bees. And one night he sat down with one of them and he looked at her and he said, "Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee..."
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 54 - 95
AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 3:10pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
UK
Posts
2635
Posts Per Day
1.48
Greats news mate... what are the details of the showing, is it a public event?


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 55 - 95
stevemiles
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 5:28pm Report to Moderator
Green



Posts
659
Posts Per Day
0.25
Congratulations on getting this all the way to the screen.  Let us know if we can watch anywhere online.


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 56 - 95
cbead
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 7:30pm Report to Moderator
Purple


https://chrisbeadnell.wordpress.com/

Location
Sunny Coast. Qld. Australia
Posts
136
Posts Per Day
0.14
Awesome news Dustin. Congratualtions on the success of this quality work of art. Can't wait to see it!


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 57 - 95
Dustin
Posted: April 29th, 2016, 3:35am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
Cheers all. No, it's not a public event. Even I only have one definite place, although I can ask for extra seats once they're aware of the numbers that will turn up. As 15 films have been made, I imagine there will be a lot of people involved.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 58 - 95
Erica
Posted: April 29th, 2016, 7:16am Report to Moderator
Red



Posts
67
Posts Per Day
0.06
Congrats!  Nothing like seeing your name on the big screen and having the audience clap.  I had a premier of one of my movie last Saturday.  An amazing experience, especially because my movie is 20 plus years old but has some how turned into a cult classic.


[url]http://www.simplyscripts.com/scripts/GoodbyeV3a.pdf[/uit.url]
Logged
Private Message Reply: 59 - 95
AnthonyCawood
Posted: May 16th, 2016, 1:35pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
UK
Posts
2635
Posts Per Day
1.48
Was lucky enough to see this on the big screen this afternoon (with Dustin), the filmmakers did a great job on it and it went down really well... congrats mate!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 60 - 95
StevenClark
Posted: May 16th, 2016, 3:07pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Upstate NY
Posts
1713
Posts Per Day
0.83
Wow! Congrats Dustin!


Logged
Private Message Reply: 61 - 95
Angry Bear
Posted: May 16th, 2016, 4:54pm Report to Moderator
God Queen of the SimplyScriptsVerse



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
6355
Posts Per Day
1.65
VERY cool!!! Congratulations!  

Pics?  


Logged
Private Message Reply: 62 - 95
bert
Posted: May 16th, 2016, 5:03pm Report to Moderator
Board Moderator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4500
Posts Per Day
0.92

Quoted from AnthonyCawood
Was lucky enough to see this on the big screen this afternoon (with Dustin), the filmmakers did a great job on it and it went down really well... congrats mate!


Reading about meet-ups are my most favorite type of post -- and even better given the circumstances here.


Quoted from Angry Bear
Pics?  


My thoughts, as well.  Photos or it didn't happen.

I trust you blokes found time for a pint or two after?


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 63 - 95
AnthonyCawood
Posted: May 16th, 2016, 6:00pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
UK
Posts
2635
Posts Per Day
1.48
Pint beforehand... it's my birthday and family demanded some time with me afterwards

But wasn't gonna miss the chance to say hi and watch the film!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 64 - 95
Angry Bear
Posted: May 16th, 2016, 7:15pm Report to Moderator
God Queen of the SimplyScriptsVerse



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
6355
Posts Per Day
1.65
Happy Birthday Anthony!!! See what happens when Libby is not around checking the calendar??

Hope you had a great day!  I'll have a couple of cold ones in your honor.  


Logged
Private Message Reply: 65 - 95
AnthonyCawood
Posted: May 16th, 2016, 7:22pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
UK
Posts
2635
Posts Per Day
1.48

Thanks Pia, and yes a really good day, spoilt rotten, saw some great shorts, had a beer or two and ate too much!

Enjoy the cold ones, just for me of course


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 66 - 95
eldave1
Posted: May 16th, 2016, 8:35pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Southern California
Posts
3835
Posts Per Day
2.53
How very cool.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 67 - 95
Dustin
Posted: May 17th, 2016, 5:29am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
Nice to meet you, Anthony. You got away before I could buy you a drink back... on your birthday too!

The film is extremely well produced, directed and the sets used were amazing. Definitely worth entering and something I certainly wouldn't be ashamed to put in my portfolio... unlike, all my other work to date. Not including the stuff in development at the moment.

Unfortunately, it'll be out of public viewing for at least a year while it does the festival circuit, which is something else I'm pleased about. I made a few good contacts at the after party, but had to cut out early due to not wanting to miss my train and the two hour journey home. Probably a good thing.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 68 - 95
AnthonyCawood
Posted: May 17th, 2016, 9:15am Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
UK
Posts
2635
Posts Per Day
1.48
Good to meet you too mate, and no worries re beer... Next time!

Definitely a good adaptation of the script, and the standard of all the shorts shown was pretty decent too... Northern Film School script calls definitely worth keeping an eye open for.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 69 - 95
Dustin
Posted: May 17th, 2016, 9:40am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
Be a bit intimidating competing against the quality that resides here, but If the regulars all entered I imagine this site would take a nice percentage of the 15 films made.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 70 - 95
DanC
Posted: May 29th, 2016, 12:21am Report to Moderator
Yellow


Killing villains since 1980!

Location
Buffalo NY
Posts
1258
Posts Per Day
0.99
Hey Dustin,
    I just saw that you got this made.  Great job!!  We might disagree on a few things here or there, but, I am glad when a talented writer has a major success like this.

The story was very intense and quite sad.  The historical accuracy was also quite good.  I hope we get to see it.  Best of luck with the cons they plan to enter it in.

Very deserving piece!!

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 71 - 95
Dustin
Posted: May 30th, 2016, 4:03am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
Cheers Dan. Not exactly a major success but it is a success that hopefully leads to major successes later down the road once I have a decent enough portfolio.

Thanks for the read and for taking time out to reply.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 72 - 95
Demento
Posted: May 31st, 2016, 11:21am Report to Moderator
Green



Posts
884
Posts Per Day
0.49
Congrats Dustin, can't wait to see it online when it pops up. Just checked out the script and I'm interested in how it will looked especially since you said that the sets used were amazing.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 73 - 95
Dustin
Posted: May 31st, 2016, 5:36pm Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from Demento
Congrats Dustin, can't wait to see it on line when it pops up. Just checked out the script and I'm interested in how it will looked especially since you said that the sets used were amazing.


I suppose that deserves some further explanation. What I found amazing about them was that they were all hand built inside a studio. There was also a real art department involved. This film was granted the largest budget of the 15 made, at £1000, and I think they did an amazing job considering all those factors.

Perhaps an everyday viewer with no real ties to the film wouldn't find them as such.

Cheers, mate. I look forward to hearing of a success from you soon. That thriller you wrote, set in a cabin, was really good and you should try sending it out again. Took me three years to sell Repercussions.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 74 - 95
Demento
Posted: June 1st, 2016, 8:39am Report to Moderator
Green



Posts
884
Posts Per Day
0.49

Quoted from Dustin

Cheers, mate. I look forward to hearing of a success from you soon. That thriller you wrote, set in a cabin, was really good and you should try sending it out again. Took me three years to sell Repercussions.


Thanks for the encouraging words, Dustin. That was my first feature. I wrote six more after it. I still send it out, now and again. The problem is I can't really get anyone in an important position to actually read that one or the others. I still favor that particular one when I query as it should be very low budget and easy to make. But, no luck so far.

As I'm sure everyone here has experienced, the main problem with writing screenplays is not actually writing them but getting someone who can make them to sit down and have a look
Logged
Private Message Reply: 75 - 95
Dustin
Posted: June 7th, 2016, 5:52am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
Some stills from the set.



Logged
Private Message Reply: 76 - 95
MarkItZero
Posted: June 7th, 2016, 10:39am Report to Moderator
Green



Posts
658
Posts Per Day
0.75
Wow that looks awesome. Congrats!


That rug really tied the room together.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 77 - 95
Nathan Hill
Posted: June 7th, 2016, 11:04am Report to Moderator
Red



Posts
76
Posts Per Day
0.05
Script looks in good hands!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 78 - 95
eldave1
Posted: June 7th, 2016, 1:10pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Southern California
Posts
3835
Posts Per Day
2.53
very cool


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 79 - 95
Dustin
Posted: June 8th, 2016, 2:25am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
Thanks guys. Much appreciated. That was why I thought the sets were amazing. Usually short films are shot in people's homes or wherever they can find. To have the sets built in a studio, with a real art department involved really impressed me.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 80 - 95
Dustin
Posted: June 17th, 2016, 1:26pm Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
Here's the finished film. Not sure how long the link will last as I know it still has festivals to be shown at.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uv_r_lZYwgM

^^^Link in case the video embed doesn't work.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 81 - 95
Stumpzian
Posted: June 17th, 2016, 4:04pm Report to Moderator
Green



Location
North Carolina
Posts
691
Posts Per Day
0.44
I hadn't read this for some reason, though I'd seen it pop out now and then. (I'm in and out of the forum while occupied with other things and don't read/comment as much as I'd like to.)

Anyhow, today I had the rare experience of reading a script and then seeing the filmed version right away. Interesting to do it that way -- read the script, read a year's worth of comments and suggestions ( and your responses), and then watch the film.
The script was very well done, and so was the film. It really captured the tone you worked to convey-- spare, desperate -- and it shows how the right actors (and camera work) can make a script like this (one that says less instead of more) come alive. I like the way they shot it, black and white, shades of light and dark, etc.

How do you feel about the choices they made? That is, the slight departures or changes in the script, such as the ending.

Needless to say, I'm glad I finally read this.
Henry




Logged
Private Message Reply: 82 - 95
Warren
Posted: June 17th, 2016, 7:00pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Sydney, Australia
Posts
1549
Posts Per Day
1.84
Hey,

Really enjoyable read, start to finish.

I found it slightly predictabe, was just unsure who was going to be dinner.

This took a bit away from the reveal for me but I don't think it really affected the overall story.

Great job.


To View All My Scripts Please Use The Link Below

My Website

My IMDb
Logged
Private Message Reply: 83 - 95
Warren
Posted: June 17th, 2016, 7:10pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Sydney, Australia
Posts
1549
Posts Per Day
1.84
Just saw that the short is avavailable they did a great job. Whole production is fantastic.

Did prefer your ending but still, bravo!


To View All My Scripts Please Use The Link Below

My Website

My IMDb
Logged
Private Message Reply: 84 - 95
eldave1
Posted: June 18th, 2016, 10:59pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Southern California
Posts
3835
Posts Per Day
2.53
That was really well done - congrats!


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 85 - 95
Dustin
Posted: June 19th, 2016, 9:50am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from Stumpzian
I hadn't read this for some reason, though I'd seen it pop out now and then. (I'm in and out of the forum while occupied with other things and don't read/comment as much as I'd like to.)

Anyhow, today I had the rare experience of reading a script and then seeing the filmed version right away. Interesting to do it that way -- read the script, read a year's worth of comments and suggestions ( and your responses), and then watch the film.
The script was very well done, and so was the film. It really captured the tone you worked to convey-- spare, desperate -- and it shows how the right actors (and camera work) can make a script like this (one that says less instead of more) come alive. I like the way they shot it, black and white, shades of light and dark, etc.

How do you feel about the choices they made? That is, the slight departures or changes in the script, such as the ending.

Needless to say, I'm glad I finally read this.
Henry



Thanks for checking this out, Henry. I'm not 100% happy with the slight departures and changes. I think that changing the title takes something away from the contrast and I feel the ending with the knife about to cut was better. Probably not necessary, but it would really hammer the point home.

All in all though, I'm exceptionally pleased with this one. Cheers.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 86 - 95
Dustin
Posted: June 19th, 2016, 10:10am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from Warren
Hey,

Really enjoyable read, start to finish.

I found it slightly predictabe, was just unsure who was going to be dinner.

This took a bit away from the reveal for me but I don't think it really affected the overall story.

Great job.


With Leningrad as the title, anyone knowing the history will guess right away what the story is about. If you didn't know the history, then top marks for figuring it out so soon. I don't think that I was trying to hide it anyway.

I felt the knife was important at the end. The two extremes side by side. He, sacrificing his life for his family. She driven to just not care any more. So, yeah, I felt that my ending was better.

Cheers.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 87 - 95
stevemiles
Posted: June 19th, 2016, 2:43pm Report to Moderator
Green



Posts
659
Posts Per Day
0.25

Nicely done.  Looks like the film-makers put a lot of work into the set/lighting to set the tone.  Good to see a 'period' piece can be pulled off on a shoestring.  I recall the original ending; it does seem a curious decision not to show the knife.  Anyways, good luck with the rest of the festivals.


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 88 - 95
Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 19th, 2016, 3:10pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


where's my simply scripts thong?

Location
The Island of Jersey
Posts
2534
Posts Per Day
0.97
Enjoyed that. Simple, effective.

If I recall the ending was different to this, but I could see why they went down this route, even though I preferred what I recall. Writers versus producers!

Good lighting. Effective short.


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Logged
Private Message Reply: 89 - 95
khamanna
Posted: June 20th, 2016, 8:48am Report to Moderator
Yellow



Posts
2860
Posts Per Day
0.87
Hmm. Great little short but I remember it differently.
They were eating meat - or she did something with a piece of meat and only then we learn it's Petr they are eating. And she looks very casual and not caring about Petr's death.
But this way it's very good as well.

There was something in the original ending I've got to tell you. I would prefer to see that one on screen.

The guy playing Petr is absolutely fantastic I think. All in all, it's a gripping short.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 90 - 95
Dustin
Posted: June 21st, 2016, 8:14am Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from eldave1
That was really well done - congrats!


Cheers mate.


Quoted from stevemiles

Nicely done.  Looks like the film-makers put a lot of work into the set/lighting to set the tone.  Good to see a 'period' piece can be pulled off on a shoestring.  I recall the original ending; it does seem a curious decision not to show the knife.  Anyways, good luck with the rest of the festivals.


They had a £1000 budget, but that doesn't take into account everybody's time. I also imagine that some of the equipment used would have been free. Likewise the post production stages. Students have a way easier time of it than the average filmmaker.

Thanks for checking it out and for the well wishes. Much appreciated.


Quoted from Reef Dreamer
Enjoyed that. Simple, effective.

If I recall the ending was different to this, but I could see why they went down this route, even though I preferred what I recall. Writers versus producers!

Good lighting. Effective short.


Thanks mate. I've gone through the reasons for the story choices in earlier posts. I suppose though, as screenwriters, we just have to accept that there will often be drastic changes int he final product. Maybe the director will feel we've been too subtle and add some exposition that makes us cringe, or change a character name... just because they feel theirs sounds better. Thankfully that wasn't the case here, the director did a great job, but it's something we should all expect and not get too precious about when it happens.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 91 - 95
Athenian
Posted: June 22nd, 2016, 11:46am Report to Moderator
Purple



Posts
207
Posts Per Day
0.13
Really well-made, Dustin. I do think that the Russian "accent" wasn't quite necessary, but I've seen that before, so perhaps it isn't an uncommon practice. And, yes, your ending was definitely more powerful. Other than that, though, they did a great job – congrats!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 92 - 95
Don
Posted: August 31st, 2018, 1:22pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
12631
Posts Per Day
1.96
Filmed



Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 93 - 95
Dustin
Posted: August 31st, 2018, 2:01pm Report to Moderator
Blue


Action speaks louder than dialogue.

Posts
4824
Posts Per Day
2.56
Thanks, Don.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 94 - 95
Philostrate
Posted: September 2nd, 2018, 2:53pm Report to Moderator
Red



Posts
75
Posts Per Day
0.35
Emotional and thought provoking. Congrats for getting it picked up and filmed, Dustin.


My Website

Shorts:
Glass Bottles
The Last Guardian of Magic
Lady Justice - Picked-up!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 95 - 95
 Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006