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Cock Man by Tony Dionisio - Short, Comedy, Superhero - A naked superhero helps people by flashing his member. Can his powers stay stiff or will he wither after a confrontation with the evil, Ugly Vagina Lady? Stroke the pages and find out. 9 pages - pdf, format
Cock Man 2 - Die Hard-on Die by Tony Dionisio - Short, Comedy, Superhero - The continued adventures of a libertine superhero who fights crime by flashing his giant member. 8 pages - pdf, format
I liked this. A couple tweaks here and there might be in order, but overall I thought it funny and entertaining. Sort of an introduction piece to our hero. But what does come next? Something? Anything? You're a good writer and I'd like to see where you could take this if you provide Cock Man with a real, cohesive story to navigate.
Ugly vagina turned me off too, and interesting you went the lesbian route on top of that. I think a lot could be read into your choices here, but that might be reading more into it than there is: Just a bit of idle entertainment. I suspect you cracked yourself up writing it.
I ditto the fact the actual writing is not bad.
P.S. You may well have to target the alt industry for casting, given the attributes of the lead.
Thx for the post and the reviews. If you got a laugh or two, I'm happy.
Your comments about liking my writing are awesome. Really appreciate them. Honored.
"Is your objective to alienate all females?"
No, I love women. My objective was to offend everyone -- in a comical way of course
You all didn't like the ugly vagina? That's the extreme opposite to a beautiful cock, isn't it? I thought it was the perfect villain to cock man. Oh well. Some are beautiful, but, I mean come on, have you seen how bad looking some vag's are? Just stare at some of em -- I can swear they stare back. This may be the worlds biggest kept secret/epidemic.
"I suspect you cracked yourself up writing it."
You have no idea how much I did.
"P.S. You may well have to target the alt industry for casting, given the attributes of the lead."
Actually, I figured a giant prosthetic dick -- you know, inflatable/let the air out, and then there would be no true nudity in the whole thing.
At very least, in life, I can say... "from the creator of Cock-Man..."
This was quite funny, I liked it. I dont think you need the scene with two girls. I think about page three the story should pick up - may be you could intriduce an obsticle and let the cock man deal with it.
This character cries out for the bumbling, well meaning idiot. Whilst in parts this was the case, I actually found him annoying (how many time does he have to say cock?).
If you have ever seen a British comedy called Blackadder, he reminded me of a character called Flashard, who dips into the series once.
A few thoughts...
As above, Too many uses of the word cock...I would mix this up and have fun with the words and discreet references
I would almost have him want to be a normal super hero that everyone loves for his character but actually no one can take there eyes of his jeroboam... Boom boom. Perhaps he could have renamed himself earth man - for example - but everyone calls him cock
Ugly vag - this didn't work for me. Bit too sexist and a touch hurtful. Provocative can be good but something felt off about this one. How about about the antagonist being the black dominatrix, someone that makes him feel small with the black adding to the sinister
Look, I like slapstick and crass, but for me this doesn't quote hit the mark, but it does have something.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
This is definitely an ambitious attempt at the absurd and, it actually had quite a few LMAO moments. Truthfully, this would play out awesome if it was coupled with a retro Saul Bass title sequence and a Dragnet caricature stance for the public eye on the scene… hell, even swap out Cock Man’s ugly nemeses with Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy’s enemy – ‘ Kelp Thing’, lol.
P.S. You may well have to target the alt industry for casting, given the attributes of the lead.
Ya, it would definitely be a challenge to find the right lead(s) but, I think ‘Down Under’ might have a better turn out at a casting call than anywhere else, lol. I haven’t seen it myself but this travelling freak show’s been around for quite some time now… (about the 4:30 mark is where it gets seriously f’d up)
"This is definitely an ambitious attempt at the absurd and, it actually had quite a few LMAO moments."
Thx. I spent about 8 hours over a couple of weeks with this. Absurdity comes natural to me. As long as you had a laugh, I'm happy.
"Truthfully, this would play out awesome if it was coupled with a retro Saul Bass title sequence and a Dragnet caricature stance for the public eye on the scene… hell, even swap out Cock Man’s ugly nemeses with Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy’s enemy – ‘ Kelp Thing’, lol."
^I have no clue what you are talking about.^
I told you guys already, a prosthetic is all you need. No nudity needed at all in this. Just do a lower leg shot when Vagina Lady rips off her skirt. It's all about the reactions of everyone. The more cheesy the other special effects are, the better.
This could be a great way for someone to get really noticed/controversy wise. Somebody make this so I can keep LOL'n.
CJ, you seem to be passionate about the craft and active, so how about a truce? I mean, you beat me down, you got me -- I'm broken. Let's e-hug it out. Agree to disagree. Be pals. Have a brewski. You did take the time to review my shit, so let's see what you came up with...
Okay, well Tony seems to really want people to read this as I was encouraged to take a gander by him in another post. Well, duhh. Of course I want people to read/comment on my work so I can get better at it. Doesn't most everyone?
A bit of fun. I found it funny. Very nicely presented, although THE END jumping onto it's own page after FADE OUT shows a lack of attention to detail. I only spotted one typo Happy you found it funny. Well, what's the typo so I can fix it??? Ya, well it's linear so, I really don't plan where the last line winds up or on what page, although it would be easy to fix. Do I really need to?
Seems very much like a throwaway type affair. Make a few dick jokes. Would work well as a regular piece in a sketch show. Kinda reminded me of Powdered Toast Man in a Ren & Stimpy Episode. I agree about the Lord Flasheart comparison - my favourite character in Blackadder. Never heard of this Flash or Black guy.
However, as a standalone short, it's devoid of actual story, there's no scene dynamic, there doesn't seem to be any form of message (other than a worryingly chauvinistic one). It's a short that says "to be continued" Did you not see that part?
Cock Man foils a robbery and hostage by showing everyone his cock. Cock Man helps save a marriage by showing them his cock. Cock Man converts two lesbians into heterosexuals by showing them his cock. Cock Man uncovers political corruption by showing everyone his cock. Cock Man is confronted by a woman behind the corruption, who has a vagina so ugly it renders him impotent. The End.
Wow, I did all that in only 8 pages? I'm patting myself on the back ;P
So basically what little story dynamic there is repeats itself four times and then, when the protagonist finally comes into some challenging conflict, the story falls limp and withers away. That was funny. Good job with a dick joke. It's a short that says "to be continued" Did you not see that part?
Do some reading into story structure, even just basic reading, it still applies over 6 pages. Try to put some acts into this. Personally I feel Ugly Vagina lady should be showing up and establishing herself as the antagonist on page 2 and, after a struggle, have Cock Man withered away by page 4. Look at character development and think about how to show Cock Man is affected by his impotence and weakness. What does this cause him to realise and how does he then change to go on and defeat his enemy? Also think about what the solution says in terms of being life affirming. For example, maybe Cock Man needs to reflect on the words of a wise masturbation mentor and delve deep into his own imagination, which could say something about fantasizing being the way to be physically be better. Maybe Cock Man turns to chemistry and fuses a tanker full of RedBull with some cement to create a hybrid super viagra, suggesting performance enhancing drugs are legitimate and should not be stigmatised. Maybe he sits on his hand until it's numb and engages for the first time in a mysterious stranger technique, unsure if it will work, only to find it results in a climax so triumphant it's a veritable riot cannon of ejaculate that plasters the evil doer to the wall. Just think about what you want to say about life - other than cocks fix everything, unless women's vaginas are too ugly - 'cause that's kind of a dick move.
Holy fux-stix, Did your Return/Enter key break? I gotta parse through this massive paragraph just to get your feed? I hope you don't use large paragraphs like this in your scripts -- some may frown on it, like grammar issues. ;P Sorry, couldn't resist.
Also look at scene dynamic if you can, even if it's just basic goal, turnaround, and new goal. You can't just have the protag turn up, fix everything, and leave, magnificent cock or not. Look at PASTO. Look at Dan Harmon's circles. Look at finale structures too. Uhh, story stops with the protagonist apparently beaten/down. But I get what you're saying, he should do more. Having a big dick and showing it off won't get you places in life.
Remember, trying to get noticed for being controversial isn't really admirable, certainly not as admirable as getting noticed for craft. Awe, poo. I'll try to remember that/work on it. Controversy recognition is not admirable -- check.
Hi mate, not sure what your aim is with this script. I suspect simply to have fun. A little like my Antisocial Emissions script. It's nice to kick back and write an absurd story now and again.
There were a couple of LOL moments for me. I do have trouble with his nemesis being an Ugly Vagina though as it suddenly becomes too manly. Like man, manly. Not that there's anything wrong with that for anyone else.
What seems prevalent in this story is the thread where Cock Man can't get any sexual action for himself. I think that's a decent thread and worth following. Instead of he having a nemesis, maybe what he needs is a good woman. His poor balls must be bursting and maybe it's killing him, or something. He needs a woman to get his powers back, but not just any woman. Something like that.
Anyway, it's a nice start, but there is still some work to do here, IMO.